First of all, I am so glad I found this site, and am so glad to have found people who understand. Although I wish with all my heart grief and loss such as this hadn’t have happened to any of us, I am finding great comfort in both of your responses. Thank you for your words <3 Here is a picture of Bess on her last day.
Cosesmom: thank you so much for your response. You are exactly right- only those that love with conviction and passion such as ours could ever “get it”. One of the statements I said most often after losing her was “I would’ve given anything to save her”. And I, too, will always wish for even a moment more. But, like you said, it cannot be. I thank you for sharing your continued grief, and giving me such comfort in how hard we can grieve. I thank you, with my whole heart, for reaching out and supporting me. Im so sorry for your loss of Termy, my heart is with you. I sometimes try and find songs that capture how I feel about moments like this, and if you feel like it, this is a song I think you could relate to. Its called “One moment more” by Mindy Smith. Here is a link (fair warning I find it beautiful but also very sad): https://www.youtube.com/watch?reload=9&v=d5R-s3laVSs
Doglife: I am sobbing reading your story as well… thank you so much for sharing your story. I believe the same somewhat cliché statement- I truly believe she will live in me forever, and I want to think I became a part of her. I believe we did, in a way, overlap with our souls. I feel as though you and your baby had that connection too.
When you descried the book you bought, so many, many days, months, years, too soon… it reminds me of a sign I found while Bess was alive. It states” “Today I will be thankful for the pawprints on my floor, the slobbery kisses on my face, and the hair on my clothes. There will come a day when there is far too much room in the bed, and these days will be profoundly missed”. I loved the statement but felt as though I had so much time before I had to feel that, but I bought it right after her passing. Neither of us could ever imagined to face, acknowledge, and come to grips with our tragic losses, so much sooner than could ever be imagined. I am looking into that book right after typing this <3
I am in tears with your recognition of how we were truly meant for each other, and the devastation of her loss. She filled gaps in my heart and in my life I didn’t know I needed filled, and I am so grateful for her, and her changing my life. I could’ve used a million more moments, as could’ve you. I wish tragic loss of life didn’t ever happen; but I am thankful you are sharing with me.
I am so sorry you lost Jada in the way you did. She sounds so incredibly amazing; and it sounds like she had the perfect home with your family to thrive and show off her intelligence, loyalty, and personality. I love your pride in her, and it just shows what a true guardian and companion she was when chasing away the hawk from the cat. The attentiveness to exactly what you needed her to be attentive to…. Is a true testimate to her love for you and your family.
So, so much of how you told your story echos mine, although so different of stories. At the end of the day, we both were helpless as our heart dogs left this earth. We both did everything that could be done. I remember, too vividly, how it felt to realize Bessie was dying, alone, in my house, and how frantic, and horrifying it was. I too, scrambled with my phone, unable to grip it, unable to type, losing my mind from frustration because I was convinced every second my trembling fingers delayed the call was a second closer to her death. I too, was hysterical, and had no idea what to do. Even with my experience, I had nothing at my disposal to help her. I truthfully have no idea how I carried her- but I remember accidentally slipping a couple times, and thinking I may not be able to get her in a car. I am so sorry that you were in an impossible situation. Unable to leave, but unbearable to stay.
Also, Im not sure if this will be of comfort, but I commend you for your attempts at CPR and resuscitation. You did what was, truly, the only thing that even had a slight change of bringing her back. It likely felt futile because she was gone before you could even start, but I want you to know you did right by your girl, the best you could.
Although I was at a hospital with her, my circumstances still echo yours in a way that makes me cry. For both Jada and Bessie, I do not believe anything could have been done to save them. How sudden a healthy, happy dog can drop and die without reason or closure. I truly feel for you and your loss.
I want to share some thoughts after hearing your story, and working in Emergency vet med. Im not sure if they will help give you any closure (because I know for me, closure has been the biggest challenge as well) but I want to share my thoughts in case they may help:
Jada sounds like, most likely, she suffered an acute cardiac event (from a possible undetected congenital issue, birth defect, or a number of other possible failures of the heart), in which she was likely gone before she hit the ground, like you stated. From my experience, I have never heard of a recovery from a severe cardiac event that may have happened to Jada.
From the hemangiosarcomas I have seen, usually there is more warning, even if for a minute, that one has ruptured. Not to say it isn’t possible.
Either way, we died quickly, and very likely irreversibly. I, too, was haunted by what could’ve gone differently, if only Bessie had more time. If only we could’ve stabilized her, if only, if only. Your haunting questions are so valid, and so painful, and I am so sorry you have so little closure.
I am thankful that my story was able to comfort and be of gain for you, no need to apologize <3 I am glad, truthfully, that Bessie’s story was able to give an example of everything “going right” and doing everything and anything- but sometimes, like with our dear Bessie and Jada, they cannot stay with us any longer. As horribly, painfully tragic their losses were, I find comfort knowing neither of them died in pain. Both of them died after, or during, a day of doing what they loved. And we were there.
I wish our stories had turned out different as well. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story, and empathizing with my loss in a way I haven’t experienced. You will be in my thoughts, I hope for peace, as much closure as possible, many dog kisses as well, and also hugs.