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I lost my Tiggers a week ago tonight, he had heart disease and had a bad day last wednesday I called my husband three times worrying about him.  About 4:00 he had some sort of a episode, he was acting normal doing his stretches then he frose and started having problems breathing I thought he was going to pass then.  When my husband got home afew minutes later I called the vet and took him in she told me ethanasia was the best option for him as his heart sounded like a washing machine, it was just a matter of time.  Took me over a hour before I would let the vet put him to sleep.  Devastating at the very least.

Now at a week I feel so guilty about this dog, I adopted him 8 years ago from a animal shelter he was seized from the owners, he had been locked in a crate in a travel trailer beside their house, sad.  They had told me at the time that he was approx 4 years old I think he may of been older.  He was scared of everything and for the first two weeks or so was a relatively good dog just scared, then all hell broke loose he started biting not just a little nip but full out attacking people and dogs pretty much everything. This dog really should of been euthanized years ago but I couldn't do it so for 8 years I kept him from biting people.  This dog would even bite me, as I write this I realize just how much of my life I gave up for him, but still I loved him.  I work at home and he was always my company, everyday all day my heart is broken even though I know that once I have come to terms with his death I will have a much better life sad but true.

Because of his violent nature (he was a 9lb dog) I could not cut his nails, trim his hair, brush him.  Going to the vet was insane I had to drug him before I could take him in, they where all worried about being bit.  I had arranged dental surgery but first was a radiograph on his heart as she heard a murmur, the radiograph showed a enlarged heart putting pressure on his trachea, she decided to try the surgery I took him in and she sedated him and heard a heart arrhythmia she stopped the surgery, my guilt is I should of tried to take him in sooner but because of the nature of him it was so difficult to deal with I would think of it all the time, time went by now he is gone. 

I know he had 8 years with me that he probably wouldn't of had if it would of been someone else who adopted him, I am sure most people would of taken him back. Time will heal my loss........
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