Petloss.com Logo. Puff and Midget under the rainbow

ALL the Pet Loss Message Boards are moderated to make this an ABSOLUTELY SAFE place for you to find support.
You must REGISTER before you can post or reply.
Posts and replies cannot be viewed until after they have been checked for content & released by the Board Moderators. - EdW
Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
Sign up  |   |   |  Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 3 of 8      Prev   1   2   3   4   5   6   Next   »
szu

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #81 
@catlover520

Thank you for sharing your story with me. Even though I've been reading tonnes of stuff about euthanasia which include other owners' experiences, having one addressed to me directly is, for some reason, very comforting.

Yep, this is the main reason why I've made that decision. I want to relieve her of her suffering. I am also making an appointment for a vet to come to my home to get it done. Like you said, I want her to be with family.

I've 3 more days with her. Is there anything you did before putting her down? I am planning to bring her to the beach tomorrow. I will try to get her to eat some of her favourite things even though she really hasn't been keen on eating at all.
szu

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #82 
Thank you. I read a few of your posts and could feel the heartache you're experiencing. I am lucky that at the ripe old age of 31 (it's my birthday today actually), I not have experienced the death of any loved ones, so that is gonna make this extra hard. But then again, this is such a heartbreaking situation that I don't think anything could ever really prepare you for it.

You're right. I do know what to do. But you can't help but second-guess yourself when you see them "rally". This morning, she ate chicken (for the first time in two weeks) and had the energy to bark and walk around more. While I was happy to see her a bit brighter, it pained me so much to know that she won't be around in 3 days.
Catlover520

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #83 
Dear szu,

I am sure she will very much love and cherish your time at the beach with her favorite foods and best friend.

I spent my last few days with my kitty taking extra moments to pet her and reassure her of how much I loved her. I gave her a bath which I would do periodically to make her more comfortable (she could not self-groom). I also spent time plenty of time crying! As I am now thinking of her.

It sounds as if you've found acceptance of her situation and that she has been incredibly lucky to have a very long life with you. These next few days may be wrought with doubt, pain, and guilt. However I think that no matter how you choose to spend them, you will treasure these memories along with those from the past 16 1/2 years.
Canine_dementia

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #84 
It is with a very heavy heart that i have decided next Saturday to let my little girl go at home. I will call the vet to come to the house ( he said he prefers pets to be in a safe confortable home). She is 15 3/4 years old. She is eating and doing all her stuff just weak and appears neither happy nor sad.

She is getting gold star medica care and my vet jokes that when he dies he wants to come back as a pet in my care.

Her dementia makes her at times with it and othet times aloof. When she is having a bad spell i have to pick up her delicate bony 49 lb body and get all 4 paws on the ground. In her prime she weighed almost 70lbs but old age, thyroid disease, kidney stones etc takes a toll.

You can see her ribs, hip bones, every bone in her spine but eats well and gets vitamin B12 shots for a boost along with thyroid meds and pain meds.

I am so sick of neighbours saying she is so weak when are you letting her go. We have made our house a safe home for her with orthopaedic beds, cosy blankets we keep clean and washed, raised food and water dishes, a window view outside and access to the house main floor where she is safe from slips and fall ab accidents can be washed effortlessly. I don't care what neighbors say this is my baby and my decision.

I still pray for the strength to not cancel the appointment for next Saturday. I know i cannot be there to see her lifeless body get carried out. I will have mt husband and best friend with het and mt shirt to lay on to smell me as she leaves this earth to join all rhe wonderful pets and people who wait for her with open arms.
Canine_dementia

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #85 
Robert frost poem: Span of Life

The old dog barks backwards
Without getting up.

I can remember when he was a pup
szu

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #86 
@canine_dementia

Your love for your dog is so clear and she is so lucky to have been part of your life for so long. It is without a doubt that she is cared for and loved so dearly. 

Like you, I feel awful about having to say goodbye to my dog. I tell some of my friends point-blank that if I ever had to choose between my dog or them, I will choose my dog, no questions asked. It's not because I don't love my friends. It's because my dog is my ABSOLUTE best friend, a family member and a huge part of my life. To be honest, because I am a selfish human, I am scared out of my wits as to who I will become without her. She has been such a huge part of my life and identity and part of why I am who I am today is because I have her in my life. I am 31 and she has been with me since I was 15. I told my boyfriend that she is like the canine extension of me.

In any case, I feel more at peace today because I think I am making the right decision. I think you know that you are too. Reading your description of the condition your girl is in makes me think that it's time for her as well. I'm sure our girls know that we care for them so so so much and if there is a heaven, I hope that we will get to reunite with them there.

As for your neighbours, screw them and their judgment. She's your dog and no one knows her like you do. 
Canine_dementia

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #87 
Szu it is comforting for me to have found this group and to walk alongside others who are struggling with the very same issue. I read your posts and see you draw strength from the support of this awesome group and it is by extension you are helping me draw strength. It is clear that your love for your girl is second to none.

She is my first dog as an adult. I got her at university and ironically 1 month after my dad passed away which was the day he would have been 52, he succumbed to cancer. She was there with me through university, loss of my dad, feeling lost without my dad, a lot of moving around the country trying to find myself, a couple of so-so relationship then marriage a few years ago and a new human baby this year.

As you know, 15 plus years in our human life so much growing and changing takes place but what stayed the same for me is my soulmate she was there through the good, bad and ugly. She would look in my eyes and i knew we would be ok. Now i look into her eyes and i no longer know what she is thinking. She is not blind. But before were were a team - she happily came along for the adventures and i felt safe and comforted with her by my side. I am now happily her caregiver.

I have taken lots of pictures with my girl and baby since heenjoys her. The vet said he is far too young to notice she is no longer there. He said make sure you have lots of memories for him. He loves to kiss her and hug her since she is mostly lying on the floor in our main living area. Other times she wanders over to her bed where she can hear and see stuff but at a distance i keep the baby away so she can have her space.

She got into lots of trouble throughout her life eating and stealing things and we were regulars at the vet. All my student money went into rent, books and vet. But when i finished school and before another move to find myself ...the vet who looked after her called me into his office. He said he is calling me in to tell me that i am giving this dog the best life possible and when her time comes i want you to let her go with no regrets because you have spared no expense in her care and your love for her is unmistakable.

That was 10 years ago that the vet in that city called me in to say goodbye and to leave me with that message. He was a vet for 30 years at the time and i am sure he is now retired.

I have been lucky to have come across vets who didn't always charge me except for medications or let me pay it off. I used to think this girl is trying to kill herself eating what and whatnot and i am trying to prevent her from killing herself. I was told time and time again - she is just being playful and many dog breeds experience the world through their mouth.

I am calling the vet today to set up him coming next Saturday to the house. I feel less panic and fear and more comfort that i am making the right decision. Thank-you!! I can't spoil her with a burger and fries despite knowing she will like it but she has digestion issues for years and having her throwing up or diarrhea is not what she deserves. She is greedy enough to do it.

I really thought ok when i get a boyfriend i will be ready, when i get married i will be ready. When i start a family i will be ready. I can see now how immature that thought process was. It's not true,

This is a whole separate and unique relationship and i was just bargaining with myself but that didn't make it any easier to lose my dad nor is it making losing my girl any easier.

Thank you Szu and the group for being so honest and heart felt with your personal journeys.





szu

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #88 
Dear canine_dementia,

I hope you've managed to find some kind of peace. When I say "peace", I don't mean you won't feel a deep sense of sadness at the same time. You've taken such great care of your dog and I can relate to what you said about thinking you'd be prepared. I remember thinking in the earlier days of my dog's life that I'll be 30 when she passes away and come on, what 30-year-old isn't gonna be able to deal with the death of her pet? Clearly, I was wrong.

Anyway, just to update you, I ended up postponing the appointment because she perked up a little over the weekend but two days ago, she developed really awful corneal ulcers. I don't know if you believe in animal communicators but I've been lucky to be introduced to a really good one. I had a conversation with her last night and she told me that my dog says she's ready to go... and I'm making an appointment for Sun.

If you're keen on engaging the services of the animal communicator, let me know and I'll drop you a private message. I'm not really the sort to believe in such things but my sister's sessions for her dogs wowed us so I got myself a session too.

To sum up, I hope things go well for you and if you want to keep in touch while grieving, plehase reach out.

Love and peace.
Canine_dementia

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #89 
Dear Szu,

I understand your thinking very well because i think the same. I think ok when i am this ago or that age of course i will be able to handle the loss. I think and calculate and recalculate but as we both know 30, 35 it doesn't matter a loss is a loss.

I have askef the vet to come to the house on Saturday. I asked him to do a home assessment and to bring what he needs if he doesn't feel her quality of life is any better than when he saw her last week in his office. I cannot continue to endure the emotional turmoil of uncertainty - it hurts too much.

Our vet said she is one of very few labs that have no callus on her elbows as big dogs typically get or sores or yellow fur where she had accidents in her sleep. He said she is very well taken care of no doubt.

My friend consulted with an animal communicator when he wasn't sure if it was time for his dog and he said he got an overwhelming yes please let me go i am ready from his dog. He did and said it was a peaceful departure. He had no regrets and felt he did good by his best buddy. He felt the animal communicator really helped ease his mind.

I don't know how i feel about animal communicators maybe i am scared to know what my girl thinks however i do appreciate the value of this and i thank you for your thoughtful offer.

I have been thinking about you Szu this week but wanted to give you the space and time to do what you need to do. Thank you for writing back in to the group to let me and others know how you are.

I would love to keep in touch with you outside this group. Please let me know how i can do so confidentially. I have received a couple of personal messages that were very thoughtful but I don't know how they did it?

If you know, please do reach out. My heart is with you on your journey.

Heartfelt warmth and support ...
presutto1

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #90 
Thank you to everyone who posted here. You are all such kind and loving people. I too have been wracked with guilt since we put our precious Felix the cat to sleep on Tuesday. He was (we think) 12 years old and the best cat in the world. I keep feeling like we acted in haste and should have spent the considerable amount of money it would have taken to treat him for his renal failure. But we had always felt that when pets get diseases that need extensive treatment, they should be put to sleep to save them the pain and fear. So we acted on that belief and now I feel bad about it. I keep thinking that if he was so dear to us why didn't we give him more of a chance? The vet didn't say it's time but laid out all the options which were constant vet trips, hospitalization and iv fluids and basically dialysis. We started him on a special renal diet and he didn't eat for days. He was always a fat cat so when he started losing weight we didn't realize until he had lost about 6 lbs. By then I think he was quite ill. The vet said that his kidney numbers were double the high end of normal. Felix was such a gentle soul and was so skittish when we first got him it took him 2 years to trust us. He was forever after that devoted to us. I couldn't put him somewhere foreign to him and have them hurt him in pursuit of healing that may never fully come. That would have been the last of his life. Anyway that's how we justified it. I still feel guilty because I know if I had told my family let's try to save him, they would have went along with me. I will never forget the image of the five of us in the room at the vets sobbing and petting him and telling him how much we loved him at the end. I did tell my family last night that I bet no other cat went to sleep to as much love and anguish as Felix did. Later on that day we had a beautiful burial in a special place under a beautiful tree in our yard. I keep looking out there like I'm going to see him. We are all numb but I think I'm the only one with these intense guilt feelings. I keep envisioning that I should have stopped it while we were there and saved him. 
I did post on facebook that day and all the comments have been so lovely. One woman said Felix may have saved her cats because it made her research renal failure in cats and she's going to be taking her cats in often for tests. That made me happy because we always felt Felix was a special soul and he's still helping people.
WishYouWereHere

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #91 
5 days ago my husband and I had to take our beautiful kitty, Ginger, to the vet. I've had her since I was in high school and she was 17-18 years old. She wasn't being herself, wouldn't eat and having trouble using the litter box. They did x-rays and found a large mass in her abdomen. We talked about surgery but all I could imagine is her dying while they were operating. I just didn't see how she could make it through a surgery. I'm not qualified to give a prognosis but that's all I could think. We took the option of trying steroids as putting her down was not something we were expecting to have to consider. But at home we (my husband) had to force feed her the pill as she could not eat and two days later we went back hoping for "better" answers or a different Dr. I knew in the car that we were not going to be bringing her home.
Through tears we signed off on humanely euthanizing and I could not imagine how devastating it would actually be after she was gone.
She was beautiful and sweet and a little bit of a brat. The part that kills me the most is that I am now realizing the signs I missed as she was starting to decline. When she barely ate, we bought all different brands had different bowls out, gave her options, mixed them together, we just thought she didn't like her cat food anymore, she was picky sometimes. When she would use the litter box she would get out and meow at us down the hall, we thought it was funny. I now see she was letting us know she was uncomfortable. When she didn't get up to play or leave the bedroom all day I thought it was odd but we had a house guest that stayed a little too long and she didn't really like other people.
I wish I would have paid attention and gotten her care sooner. I have so much guilt that I didn't try hard enough and that it got to a point that it was too little too late. I wish we had tried surgery, but then if she had died then, I would feel guilty maybe even more for that.. I don't know. But reading over posts on this thread I am starting to feel like I can let go of some of the pain I've been holding onto about making this heartbreaking decision. I miss her so much.
Sunchi05

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #92 
I suppose it's really too late for your opinion in terms of helping my dog, but I was hoping you may have some insight to put me at peace. Three days ago I had my first dog that was truly mine put to sleep. He was 11 1/2 chihuahua, not overweight and was diagnosed with tracheal collapse by two separate veterinarians (one an internal medicine vet). I did not consent to bronchoscope for definitive diagnosis because of his age and risk and he downright despised being handled by strangers at the vet. For 9 months he took daily hydrocodone, theophylline and intermittently prednisone. None of them worked for very long. He still had multiple coughing episodes per hour if he was up walking around, and two to three a night that woke him and he had to get up stand up and gag to recover from. His baseline breathing pattern also used accessory muscles. He still ate his food, was mobile even if coughing but no longer played with toys or could tolerate exercise. Overall just a grouchy slow old man. The morning I decided it was time he had a coughing spell that made him cyanotic. He recovered without passing out. He had also started a new compound med with phenobarbital in it that made him absolutely drunk. He hated taking it and it gagged him which led to coughing. After the call was made I had a few hours with him just me and him. He did great on a short walk and was alert and not coughing at the vet. I hesitated and listened to a few ideas we played around with concerning med adjustments but it was my understanding that tracheal collapse is progressive and will always require medication. All of the combined meds never alleviated his cough if he was up walking around more than a few minutes. He was not overweight or a nervous type or exposed to smoke. We live in the country so he never wore even a harness. He just had to work to breathe all the time. The internist thought he likely had underlying bronchitis as well.
I guess my guilt is somewhat normal. I just feel like maybe what I took as his suffering was him still fighting to live and I took that fight from him. He would whine in his crate sometimes at night. He wasn't confined in there that's just where he liked to stay. Please anyone share with me your thoughts. I just want to not feel this overwhelming guilt. I truly felt I was ending suffering, but now I just question if it was right. He never gave me a definitive sign like so many dog owners describe. I wanted to keep him from the coming months or years of constant fighting to breathe and not enjoying the things he used to. His whole body language was just pitiful, but I swore I would never subject him to pain and treatment he would hate just because I was trying to prolong his life if he was miserable. Now in my grief I find it hard to remember exactly how bad it was. It's like I know he has a terrible time breathing most of the time but this self doubt and guilt is killing me.
Sunchi05

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #93 
I suppose it's really too late for your opinion in terms of helping my dog, but I was hoping you may have some insight to put me at peace. Three days ago I had my first dog that was truly mine put to sleep. He was 11 1/2 chihuahua, not overweight and was diagnosed with tracheal collapse by two separate veterinarians (one an internal medicine vet). I did not consent to bronchoscope for definitive diagnosis because of his age and risk and he downright despised being handled by strangers at the vet. For 9 months he took daily hydrocodone, theophylline and intermittently prednisone. None of them worked for very long. He still had multiple coughing episodes per hour if he was up walking around, and two to three a night that woke him and he had to get up stand up and gag to recover from. His baseline breathing pattern also used accessory muscles. He still ate his food, was mobile even if coughing but no longer played with toys or could tolerate exercise. Overall just a grouchy slow old man. The morning I decided it was time he had a coughing spell that made him cyanotic. He recovered without passing out. He had also started a new compound med with phenobarbital in it that made him absolutely drunk. He hated taking it and it gagged him which led to coughing. After the call was made I had a few hours with him just me and him. He did great on a short walk and was alert and not coughing at the vet. I hesitated and listened to a few ideas we played around with concerning med adjustments but it was my understanding that tracheal collapse is progressive and will always require medication. All of the combined meds never alleviated his cough if he was up walking around more than a few minutes. He was not overweight or a nervous type or exposed to smoke. We live in the country so he never wore even a harness. He just had to work to breathe all the time. The internist thought he likely had underlying bronchitis as well.
I guess my guilt is somewhat normal. I just feel like maybe what I took as his suffering was him still fighting to live and I took that fight from him. He would whine in his crate sometimes at night. He wasn't confined in there that's just where he liked to stay. Please anyone share with me your thoughts. I just want to not feel this overwhelming guilt. I truly felt I was ending suffering, but now I just question if it was right. He never gave me a definitive sign like so many dog owners describe. I wanted to keep him from the coming months or years of constant fighting to breathe and not enjoying the things he used to. I just feel guilty and confused like my memory is betraying me.
Catlover520

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #94 
Dear presutto1, wishyouwerehere, and sunchi05,

I am so sorry for the heartache and pain your enduring right now. I believe that the questions, doubt, and guilt around putting our pets to sleep may never go away. I also believe that we experience these things as signs of true and unconditional love for our furry friends.

This might come as little consolation now, but I'd like to offer a thought: we only can do what we think and feel is best for them. We can never know the answer to "what if... it was to soon/ they weren't ready to go/ surgery would have saved them/ Another treatment would have helped/ they could have had many more happy days". They are all unanswerable questions. I believe if our pets could talk to us, they would say they never expected us to know the answers. I think they would also say that all they ever expected or wanted was for us to always do what we feel in our hearts is right for them. Lastly I believe they know that in doing so, we are showing them the greatest expression of love possible.

My warm wishes for all of you.
tkapudija

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #95 
Over a month ago I had my dog put to sleep.  He was a Jack Russell Terrier.  Most people would say he was not a nice dog.  He was grumpy. He didn't like to be bothered.  He was not the type of dog that would run up to strangers begging for a pat on the head.  No he wasn't.  He was a hunter.  Trapped in a house that he had long ago driven all forms of pests from.  On a daily basis he walked the perimeter of the house - sniffing, making sure no one had crossed the barrier that was his terrain.  He was feisty.  Whenever someone left the house, he barked and spun in a circle.  He protected the house daily from the serial killers known as, the mailman, the UPS driver, the FedEx driver as well as the occasional Johovah's Witness.  He was what is known as a puddin.  He was 10 inches tall from the floor to his shoulder.  He had springs in his feet and could jump from the floor to the back of the sofa, from the floor into my arms.  When outside, he walked the perimeter of the yard, just to make sure.  If we were sitting in the yard for any length of time, he would walk it several times because you just never know.  He was the smartest dog with such a personality.  He would love on you - but only under his terms.  Kissing your face so hard he would catch your nostril with a tooth.  When he was bad, he was bad.  If there was a hierarchy in a family it went me with him second in command and everyone (including my son and my husband) below him.  If he got mad because we were out, he would mark a spot on the floor.  He occasionally pooped in the house and knew he wasn't supposed to because the minute I came in the door, I knew what he did before I saw it because he would act guilty.  He would be aggressive to his fur brother on occasion and I can't even say how many times he bit my husband.  But I loved him.  God I loved him.  I never loved a dog the way I loved this dog.  I can't just can't explain it or even tell you why.  A few years ago, I noticed, he wasn't jumping the way he used to.  He wouldn't jump in my arms anymore.  The muscle tone in his hind quarters started to diminish.  I chalked it up to age.  Then one morning he woke me up screaming - it was an odd scream in that it was almost a whisper.  He could barely walk.  I took him to the vet to be told he had a herniated disk (maybe).  The cure was surgery but only a 50% chance of full cure.  They sent me home with pain pills and roids.  So we started the treatment.  After about 5 days he seemed better - had started eating again after 3 days - but no bowel movement.  He even started walking a little bit, then the 6th day - I woke up and he was in the other room screaming again.  I walked in and there was a little bit of poop - and blood.  He couldn't move his back legs at all.  He was dragging his legs behind him, if he would move at all.  I knew that was it.  My dog, who had been so active the week before couldn't even walk. I decided to give him more pain meds and see if that helped.  A dog who would never let me hold him, laid on my chest on the couch and doze for a few hours.  3 hours later, he woke me up with his whisper screaming.  I looked at him and I knew this was the end.  I contacted the vet and let them know I would be bringing him in.  I contacted my son and told him to come home if he wanted to say good bye.  My husband, who thought the dog would live forever, couldn't believe what he was seeing.  He said, he knew if I didn't put him to sleep, the poor dog would be dead in a week.  I took him to the vet and said my goodbyes and watch while the light went out of my dogs eyes.  Today over a month later, I am questioning whether I did the right thing. I don't cry every day anymore but I still cry.  I am glad I found this site - reading some of the stories has made me feel a little better.  Some days, out of the corner of my eye, I think I see a little white blur running by.  I want to believe that the Rainbow Bridge is real and that I will see my baby again some day.  I have to believe that.
susanandfrisko

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #96 
Hi there:

I fully understand what you are feeling.
He was your fur baby.
I question every single day for the last two months if i did the right thing....

susan
BIGBEN

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #97 
I had to take the decision to put my best friend/son, a gsd, down 6 weeks ago. Although he had a great last day, there's not a day goes by when I think, could he have went another day but in my heart, I know I did the right thing.
He was struggling with his toilet, even short walks at times and would look unusually sad but would always have a spring in him when I first came home or would take him out but this would then disappear after a short burst. He would also struggling to get up at times and would need a hand occasionally.
I knew in my heart that his sad moments and struggles were far outnumbering his occasional happy ones and as much as he still loved his cuddles and fuss on the floor, he was toiling badly.
You will always doubt yourself but in your heart you will know if the time has come. Be strong
Sunchi05

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #98 
BIGBEN I also struggle with the guilt of "what if too soon" and I guess what I have to remind myself over and over that it was choice made from love and mercy. Even if the guilt and grief have made it hard to reconcile in my heart and in my mind, I have to trust that the hardest decision I ever had to make was one I made to be sure I fulfilled a promise to him never to let him suffer through an illness that couldn't be cured because I'm a self doubting, deeply attached dog mom. I've had dear friends who suffered guilt for waiting too long.

To all of us here still hoping for the day we can remember our pets with a smile instead of tears, I pray we all get there one day. And until then I'm just trying to remember it was all worth it.... to have loved and even to grieve them, it is still worth it.
Rooneyboy

Registered:
Posts: 30
 #99 
Tkapudija....such a bittersweet post ..it made me smile and cry ...our Rooney was on the anti-social side but after five months have still not made the journey through hell and back. Miss him...yearn for him...and just wish for my old life back with him in it . Lynne (Rooney's mom)
sparkygal

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #100 
I am new here. I put down my beloved boxers years ago. Now my sweet boston boy i had to put down he had heart failure i suffered the last week with him ! I am so depressed and just soo sad that i wanted to go with him ! I loved him more life itself!   I can't get away from this depression. I am broken my heart burns with sadness. I have no passion to do anything. Nothing makes me happy. I cut all my hair off cause i am so depressed. I cry alot. I look for him in the hoase. I call for him. I talk to him hoping he will answer me somehow!   I never felt such sadness in my whole life!!  I feel so much guilt it's so sad !  Life is so sad for me!!  I loved him and always will!  So Sad !! My lovely bones, My  Sparky the love bug!! 
Marjo

Registered:
Posts: 16
 #101 
Sparkygal, I am so sad too. I lost my Rubygirl last Sunday, I can't hardly look at her bed, her blankie, all her things, I can't look at the backyard where her paw prints are still in the snow. The sadness is so awful. Our lives have gone from color to black and white with more black than white! I have episodes during the day where I spontaneously start sobbing. I think about my Rubyduby all day long. She took a part of me with her and I don't know if I will ever be whole again without her. I wish I could hug you and cry with you.
sparkygal

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #102 
Marjo this is sparkygal thanks for understanding. My heart burns i feel liked i died with my sparky dog!   How will i be able to go on and ever be happy again? My house is cold and so quiet! My beloved Sparkydog is Gone!! 
tkapudija

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #103 
Its been two months now and I don't cry as much as I used to, having another dog to love has helped.  I did make a mistake last night, though.  I watched Marley and Me.  Yeah, too soon.
rainingmoon

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #104 
4/7/2017
Hi everyone.
Well this is the third time in six years I'm here. My kitty Purrr had to be put to sleep. I took her to the vet 11 months ago because I noticed her losing weight. I thought maybe it was a bad tooth and she wasn't eating. The vet said Purrr's thyroid was too high for her to get her tooth fixed and we needed to get it to a normal number. So for 11 months Purr's was getting thyroid treatment and soft food. She was doing better and gaining weight, she still seemed sad though. I figured she missed her sister. Mama was her sister and they had been together all their lives. They even had their babies one day apart and they loved hunting together. Well Mama had a stroke after the neighbors dog attacked her. At first Mama regained about 85% of herself back but she didn't like going out and hunting like she used to, she would go potty then come right back in. Purr missed her hunting partner so much she started bring little critters in the house and they would hunt in the house. Well four years ago she had another stroke and I had to put her down. Since Purr seemed to miss her I adopted a kitten I call Biddy, but she never got as close to her and her health started going down. This past Monday they changed her meds, Purr had been eating very well but with change it was like a switch was flipped and her stopped eating. I only gave her one dose of the new meds and the vet asked me to not give her anymore and bring in. When I took her in it was discovered Purr also had a kidney disease and there was nothing more we could do. I had Purrr for 16 years, that is the longest I've ever had a pet. The shock for me was when they gave her the sleep shot she went to sleep with her eyes open, I cant get that picture out of my head. Sometimes the best thing we have to do ....is the hardest thing we have to do. My heart is broken. [purrr] 





Nicolecocoa

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #105 
Reading all this makes me sad. And it certainly makes me sadder when people post oh but worst yet they could die alone. Some of us here have experienced that and i just think it's kind of a not nice statement making that seem like the worst way to go. It's hurtful especially when many on her are considerate to the choices they have made for their animals but may not consider it the best way to go. Just figured I'd put it out there as it's hurtful reading that.
susanandfrisko

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #106 
I am crying today as well....
I wasn't with My frisko when he died.
I knew he was into the emergency hospital after they transported him there from the vet office on intravenous.
I purposely DIDNT want to be therefor a reason. I was called at 11pm from the vet that Frisko was to doing well, and they are waiting for his body to accept fluids and than they will start the insulin. His sugar claimed to 29. He was going blind, had pancreatic, didn't eat for 5 days, and had breathing problems and his dental was very bad.....his teeth were rotting and falling out. I loved his SO much ...however at 11pm i instructed the vet to continue on with he treatment for him and insulin.....
I fell asleep for 2 hours ( how dare I) when i have up with him going through 5 days in the house nursing him on intravenous, waiting for the ultrasound and watching as he was wasting away.......he had a disease CUSHINGS DISEASE that was NOT diagnosed for over a year by his VET( of which i am suing as we speak)....
So...when he collapsed outside in the cold snow....trying to lick even the smallest bit of snow...I picked him up and away we went....to emerge.
Anyhow....when i awoke at 3 am....the emergency vet said " the insulin is not working"...after 4 hours he only went down 1 point.  and now he is panting worse, can't walk, we have a fan on him ( meanwhile even the emergency vet didn't realize it was cushings disease....but at this time frisko wa far far gone in the destruction of his organs due to the disease).....So as the vet was listing off all the horrible things happening to my dog and how he was suffering with tubes , tons of drugs, etc....I told her "pleeeeeeze put hi out of his suffering".... I couldn't say euthanize him so he repeated asked me to just say YES if that is what i meant........because he was suffering...and he was so good to me he didn't deserve to suffer another second.....and the vet had told me he was in a bad shape with no return.....
So I told her YES and i told her i will get his ashes in a week..  When i hung up the phone i immediately got the large poster paper i could find and took his best photo in his favourite park and placed his big poster into my front window that said " I suffer no more from a sudden disease...goodbye to all my friends"... In large black letters...
The neighbourhood i live in is gated and many are animal lovers and have dogs, etc...so we made friends with a ton of dog walkers...

Than i cried my guts out and fell to the floor because i knew he was gone.
I didn't want to be with him in the emergency because he was in such suffering, I truly don't know if he even knew what was going on.... He was in BAD shape when he was taken in....IT was sudden....and the disease hit its max destruction...however i had vets at my home and i tried to home care until the ultrasound but that never did happen........no ultrasound.....we will never know...but his stomach was very bloated and acute pancreatic was for sure amoungst everything else that had a domino effect...
I didn't want to see my boy put down down .....i didn't want him to see me because i would not be rational if i seen hm and would want to take him home with me and i could not.....he was too far gone. I didn't want to have him see his mom because he would want to be with me and we just could not be no matter what...it was over....for the both of us.....
He was put out of his suffering and i was put into my suffering........and suffer till this day...since january 31 2017 i have cried every day so much that a cyst has developed in my lower eye lid and grew so has to be surgically removed....

THAT IS HOW MUCH I AM STILL SUFFERING.....STILL BLAMING MYSELF......STILL CRYING LIKE A BABY MORNING NOON AND NIGHT AND AM SO SO ALONE.  PLEASE CHECK OUT MY PHOTO ALBUM AND YOU CAN SEE FRISKO AND HIS PREDECEASED BROTHER HOW MUCH THEY LOVED EACH OTHER...
  YOU WILL ALSO SEE MY GRAVE MONUMENT WITH MY TWO DOGS ON IT FRISKO AND JASPER, BECAUSE  THEY WERE MY KIDS. I DONT HAVE AND CANT HAVE HUMAN CHILDREN.....
SO YOU SEE.....NOT EVERY SINGLE TIME CAN A FUR PARENT BE THERE WITH THEIR FUR BABY AS A PICTURE PERFECT "GOODBYE" WHILE THE VET INDUCES THE EUTHANIZA .......WHICH IS SAD BUT REALITY......:(((((
Nicolecocoa

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #107 
I'm sorry to read this! You did what you felt best . And I was referring also to those us who pets passed while we ran to store etc- after being with them nonstop- drives me crazy when I see people post oh what if they died alone !!!! Like that is worse than other ways- ugh! It's like my vet said a lot of dogs in nature WANT to die alone- maybe our pets know better than us- either way no way is good to go -
susanandfrisko

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #108 
you bring up an interesting point.....our pets do want to die alone actually......
I have studied this.....
its their instinct and they are very proud companions..
I watched frisko as this all took place in my home in front of my eyes before he collapsed and i had no choice but to take him to the emergency.
He was going to dark corners, or in his dog tent......and i knew he wanted to die.......
I took him out of the corners and his dog tent.
Than he wanted to go outside and wanted to go away from me........Its animal instinct to go somewhere and die.

If you study this, some humans are the same. They are proud and feel defeated when a fatal illness happens....some commit suicide, hang themselves or distant themselves from the family.....because they don't want to make a show of dying infront of everyone else....

We may think we know everything about dogs but we just don't.
I personally think they are way more intelligent and instinctive than humans to tell you the truth....... there has been documentarys on this topic where in the real wildlife animals go off to die alone in peace...

because man has domesticated dogs , the dogs are actually living in a controlled environment....they die 99% of the time the way the human wants them too.....




Nicolecocoa

Registered:
Posts: 94
 #109 
Beautifully said. Thank you
Ktygirl

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #110 
[image]  Cosmo would have been 15 on May 4th. He went to his rest on November 4th - 6 months ago. I should say I brought him to his rest 6 months ago. As you may know from previous posts, he was euthanized. I beg for his forgiveness everyday and even though I knew he was ill, I remain tortured. My Vet told me Cosmo had a brain tumor and since I just can't let him go I continue to search google for answers in the hope I find comfort in that I did the right thing for him. A few days ago I came across a YouTube video of a Wheaten Terrier just like my Cosmo whose owner was asking if anyone thought her dog Bandit had Myoclonic Epilepsy. The video she posted of her dog was exactly what Cosmo used to do, but my Vet never said epilepsy. She did acknowledge his seizures but said Brain Tumor. I know finding this video will not bring my Cosmo back or take away any of my guilt but I did find a sense relief in seeing what Cosmo was experiencing and was so difficult for me to explain to my Vet. Thanks for listening to me and I wish all those who suffer with the guilt of euthanizing your loving pets, peace.
Pheobe18

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #111 
It has been tremendously comforting reading of how others have dealt with this situation. I put my sweet Phoebe girl to sleep today and it broke my heart. She would have been 19 this summer. I knew 3 days ago that it was her time to go, but I was hoping she would pass peacefully in her sleep. She had been losing weight for months but still seemed interested in food up until yesterday. She would cry all the time because she was hungry, but would barely eat what I offered her. and I tried dozens of brands. On Saturday she seemed to not feel well but was still herself. Had trouble jumping onto her spot on the bed. Sunday was a bit worse but still herself and using litter box, but barely ate or drank. By Monday afternoon things rapidly deteriorated. Took a few sips of bone broth but nothing else. Trouble walking no energy. In retrospect I realize she couldn't open her mouth fully to drink or eat, but at the time I didn't see this. She became lethargic and disoriented. Had trouble walking and couldn't climb into litter box. She just lay there staring into space quietly so I tried to make her comfortable and sat with her thinking she would pass in her sleep that night. By morning I realized to my horror she couldn't blink. The vet confirmed she had suffered a stroke and lost motion in her face. She had lay there all night unable to close her eyes and sleep. Her eyes sunken, frozen and dehydrated. I was horrified and still can't forgive myself for not noticing this that night. called the vet first thing the next morning and took her in to be euthanized. She was a shell of herself by then and that is the worst part. I know without a doubt it was the right decision but I wish i had done it sooner to spare her the pain. The way she looked that morning will haunt me forever. Gaunt and empty and sad. I feel like I failed her in not doing it soon enough.
Rest in peace my sweet sweet little girl. I will love you forever.
To all those going through this you have my heart felt sympathy,


tkapudija

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #112 
This has been the hardest thing I have done in my life.  It has been 3 months now.  It is not as painful as it was.  I think, first reason is because I had a second dog when Jack passed.  About 10 days ago we adopted another dog.  She is so sweet and loving - much different than Jack in many ways, but yet, the same in others.  She brings a smile to my face.  I love my two babies that I have now, but occasionally I am caught off guard by something and the tears for Jack start. 
Jack was such a big part of my life, I posted pictures of him often on FB - sometimes a "memory" of him pops up.  I always cry when I see them, but the funny thing is, I don't want them to stop.  I don't want to forget him.  He brought such happiness to me and my family.  I wouldn't trade the sadness and memory of him for all the tea in China.  Yes there is pain, but more and more I am finding such happiness in his memory.  Oh you little turd, I will love you forever.  Thank you for sending the new girl to us (I know you guided me) - We will all be together again some day.  Love you baby pups!
ILoveYouBitty

Registered:
Posts: 119
 #113 
And most of those beating themselves up with guilt have nothing to feel guilty about.
cmadrid0024

Registered:
Posts: 1
 #114 
I feel so guilty about putting my 14 year old dachsund to sleep 2 days ago. He had a cancer growth in his abdomen so large he couldn't walk anymore and another had begun in his lungs and his breathing was getting to be extremely labored. I had begun having to carry him outside to use the bathroom because he couldn't make it outside to go. He would stumble and only get halfway due to the growth (that I was unaware of at the time.)The vet told me it was the right thing to do if I really loved him but it tore me apart. I took him in hoping it would be something curable and ended up leaving without my buddy. It is tearing me apart. I've never had to put any of my pets down, and really didn't expect to have to that morning either. I feel so remorseful. He wasnt whimpering or crying in pain, but couldnt walk and had so much trouble breathing......
I feel so so guilty. Should I have put him through surgery? The vet assured me it was a 99% odds against us in that category but should I have pressed it. What a terrible feeling. 
It is comforting in a way to know that I am not alone in feeling guilt at euthanizing my little buddy. I thought I was crazy to be so wrought with remorse, but it hopefully is natural when  making such a heavy decision.
Boys_mom

Registered:
Posts: 182
 #115 
Dear cmadrid0024,

I am so sorry you had to put down your dog. It sounds like he was very sick. I hope you feel better soon.

Wishing you peace, comfort, and strength,
Boys_mom
Sunshines_Mom

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #116 
I found this discussion on a google search and wanted to tell you a horrible, tragic story to make each and every one of you feel better about the loving decision you made to put your pet to sleep.  

Saturday morning around 8 a.m., I lost my beloved Sunshine - a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who loved me more than she loved herself.  Sunshine was appropriately named - with the most loving, gentle, kind temperament of any animal I've ever met.  She was a beautiful soul and greeted every living creature she met with a kiss and full-butt wag.  

Last Monday she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure.  Her health had been declining over the last several months - legs shaking, muscles seemingly wasting away, sleeping more than usual, heavy/fast breathing after walks, sometimes coughing - but I thought it was just from old age.  Her last physical (in December) was uneventful, other than finding out she had a slight heart murmur.  One week ago today, I took her back in for a chest xray for her increasing coughing/gagging, which revealed an enlarged heart pressing against her trachea and fluid building up in her lungs.  The vet prescribed two medicines, including one that could dry up the fluid around her lungs, but told me to give it to her sparingly and only as needed.  He said, "this is not the end.  There are other medications we can add if we need to.  She could live for awhile."  And by all accounts, I believed she would.  She was eating heartily, extremely interactive and affectionate, and still walked on a leash in her dainty little "high steps" manner and seemed genuinely happy.  

Saturday morning at 2 a.m., Sunshine came to the side of my bed coughing/breathing extremely rapidly and shallow - she was clearly in distress.  She wanted me to help her.  The right thing to do would've been to take her to the emergency vet in the middle of the night.  But the emergency vet is a half hour away from home, and in the past it's been my experience that they take the animal from you into an emergency area in the back where they perform all sorts of procedures on a cold exam table while your pet lies there alone.  I was afraid for her to die in that manner, so instead I just held her.  I rocked her, spoke lovingly to her (although she is deaf), gave her cold water and comforted her.

I had always planned to put Sunshine to sleep privately at home when it was her time - but thought that time was still months away.  Everything I read indicated that the dog would stop eating and lose their ability to walk, and then I would know.  

But in the wee hours of Saturday morning, I did nothing even though my dog was clearly in horrible distress.  I made the decision in that moment that I would not take her to a strange place where she might feel stress, but instead I would be at my vet's office at 7:45 Saturday morning when they opened, and put her down.  I wouldn't do anything heroic to try to save her life, because I never wanted this to happen to her again - which it inevitably would.  I didn't wake up anyone else in my family.  She was still breathing hard and labored - panting actually - but her tongue was still pink and she was still drinking water.  She walked away from me for awhile to go lay alone on the cold tile floor, and I did the most cruel and unthinkable thing - I decided to go to sleep for two hours (by that time it was 5 a.m.).  When I awoke at 7 a.m., she was in horrible distress, tongue (which was now turning white, then blue) hanging out of her mouth.  I woke my husband and daughter up, everyone piled in the car and I drove like a bat out of hell to my vet's office and got there just as they opened.  

Sunshine ended up suffocating on the fluid in her lungs in the most inhumane, horrible way and died on the exam table waiting to be seen.  I will never, ever, ever forgive myself for what she went through.  Yes, it came on suddenly and unexpectedly but I allowed her to suffer for 6 long hours before she passed away.  I am only sharing this horrible story to give justification to those of you who lovingly made the decision to end your pet's life before faced with an emergency of this nature.  No pet deserves to die in the way that Sunshine did, and I will forever be sorry for my inaction.  I wish you all peace and comfort in knowing you made a decision that spared your beloved pet from the type of horror my Sunshine went through.
susanandfrisko

Registered:
Posts: 72
 #117 
Hi Sunshines mom
Firstly.....i did a few delays for frisko at home....i knew he was dying, in pain and i kept him by me because i was waiting for an ultrasound for him....as the days went by he was getting worse and i told him " if i let you go into the emergency, they will put you down....and i really don't want that!
It turns out frisko never did make it to the ultrasound. He collapsed in the snow because he was so weak and i rushed him to emergency where of course, they drugged cocktailed him up and than i went home.
4 hours later, the medicine was not responding with him. Still in pain, panting from pain , i told them over the phone to end his life. He doesn't deserve to be suffering....
So they injected him at 3:15 jan 31 2017. 
I will never get another dog. Not fair. We can't understand them. We are not psychics. My dog had a great life, he was 10. never caged, never drugged, everything natural, home cooking mixed with the best kibble out of the country i ordered it in..
It just so happens he died of cushings disease which was advanced.  The vet really didn't care...she just constantly said "its old age" when he had all the symptoms.
In the end i tried to sue her. Guess what?  The lawyer said " because frisko was cremated the evidence is gone and we do not REALLY know what he had because his stomach was swollen and they suspected, pancreatisitis, cancer , diabetes, cushings...

Its not fair for these dogs to be drugged, have stupid vets that get paid really well, and have the stores make the crappiest by product food for them.

No, As much as i crave another dog.....i can't put them through what i put frisko through. His brother jasper died the exact same way....i watched two of them SUFFER to die.

What a high price to pay.  Some people get dogs right away!   Like their a pair of shoes!  and than another one,,and another one!......
wow....disposable dogs!  Get a toy!



I have way too much respect for the animals that i can't do that to them.
Sunshines_Mom

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #118 
I am so sorry your poor dog went through so much. And that you had to witness all that pain and suffering TWICE. You did all the right things (wow....even homemade food?!) and your babies were so blessed to have you. My Sunshine's only been gone for just over 48 hours but I can already say with a fair amount of certainty I will not try to replace her. I have too much guilt over so many things and this is just all too painful. I have to agree about the high medical bills. Last time I had Sunshine to an emergency clinic (for pancreatitis that my vet misdiagnosed) , it was $3,700. But right now, I would gladly give $3k to have made the choice this weekend to end her suffering peacefully. I hope no one else on this thread is still beating themselves up for loving their sweet doggies enough to put them down peacefully, which is why I shared my horrible story. This is irrelevant to the message I wanted to convey but one thing really irritates me - when the vet finally entered the room a few seconds after my dog stopped breathing, they took her in the back and revived her, put her on oxygen and told us to hurry and tell her goodbye before she died. Then they euthanized her. Why? Why? Why? Her suffering had finally ended. The blank stare on her huge eyes let me know she was already brain dead.
tkapudija

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #119 
Dear Frisko's owner:

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet.  I know you are hurting and I know the last thing you want is to have to go through another painful event like this with a pet.  You have made your choice about not getting another dog, and I respect that.  I hope you reconsider.  You know your dog loved you and you know Frisko knew you loved him too.  I lost my Jack shortly after you lost your Frisko and although I had Jack's brother, I felt that the house was so empty.  I was bound and determined that if I was going to get another dog, I was going to get a rescue.  Looking for a rescue turned out to be a difficult and painful processes - I told my husband I would look at one more dog and if there wasn't a connection, I knew that it was meant to be and I would not have another dog.  The dog I meet was named Rosie (now named Gigi) - she was the most beautiful and soft schnauzer I have ever seen in my life but she was broken.  Someone had not given her the love she deserved.  She didn't wag her tail.  She didn't give kisses, she would often shy away from people.  That was 5/4/17 - today she wags her little stubby tail (actually she wags her butt) - she is playful and she gives kisses.  Where she wouldn't approach me, she throws herself at me and my husband to play.  I can't imagine not to have the love of this dog.  Also, she seems to cheer up my 10 year old schnauzer.  I know you feel it is unfair how dogs suffer and how some treat them, but you obviously have love to give.  Imagine how you could brighten the time left for some other dog.  You could love them the way you loved your Frisko.  I hope your heart heals and I hope you find peace in the very near future.
tkapudija

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #120 
To Sunshine's Mom:

I just read your story.  I am so terribly sorry about your loss and the guilt you feel about letting Sunshine suffer.  I understand.  My dog was feeling horrible at about 4:30 in the morning and I gave him the comfort I could and went back to sleep until the vet opened - I know it was awful for him but in the end, my son and I were with him and he was not alone.  Sunshine was not alone and that is what matters.  May your heart heal soon.
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

If you can, please help support this Message Board with a donation: