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DearMiss

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #201 
I would like to both kindly remind both of you that you did not help end your pet's life out of any kind of malice, you did it so they would not suffer anymore and die a painful horrible death. There is a beautiful after life for them, just like for us, they are out of that miserable body and running and playing amongst so much love. And they visit you too. You would never hurt your pets and they know that, they know you did not do this because you didn't want them, you did this because they were dying and if you hadn't of you would have been prolonging their death. I too had to do this with my 16 year old 3 months ago and I thought I would die with her from the pain and guilt. She lost use of of her hind legs, seizure, they found fluid in her lungs from her enlarged heart ( CHF), so much bloody diarrhea over the past year, etc. I took her in and we tried IV fluids bc she also had stage 4-5 kidney disease. This didn't help at all. She was miserable...the vets said she would die a hard way drowning in her own fluids that was built up in her lungs. My baby did not deserve this, so I helped her to transition over. I spoke with some really great pet mediums afterwards and they truly helped and I also saw so many signs from my girl showing me that she was ok! It was her time, we all have a time and to feel guilty is just torturing ourselves I have learned. They do not want to be in a body that doesn't work properly, they are not scared of death but are only scared to leave us. They are still right here with us!!! I know they are, I saw proof and signs. Please know you did this out of love only and they know!! xx
archie1

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #202 
Hi, I'm new to this site.  We just lost our GSD puppy to cancer a few weeks ago.  We're still in shock.  We made a website for memorialize Archie.  Please visit if you have time.
thunderdisco.com/archie
ADDItude

Registered:
Posts: 7
 #203 
I feel your pain...... "although I never wanted to let go, I made the right decision."  With Ginger, she had a (cancerous?) tumor and last weekend got (really) sick, so much so she lost interest in everything even eating.  When it came to eating she acted and looked like she wanted to eat, but just laid there. In fact, she was so sick that on one occasion after jumping down from my bed she laid down and as she was laying there vomited and pooped at the same time. We took her to the vet as soon as we could on Monday and then after the vet did a bunch of exams and tests, told us that the tumor was so big and with her age (15 years) there was nothing that could be done. So right there and there we made the decision to put her down.  And as we were doing so and even now I felt that way....I never wanted to let go, but knew we were making the right choice. And even now I still have that feeling, that I don't want to let go.....wish I could've done more and came home w/ her.
Bruisers_dad

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #204 
Having worked in a veterinary hospital in the past for 3 years, and assisting in many euthanasias (holding the animal while being injected,) you must know that you are making an absolutely loving and honorable decision for your pet. They trust us with all of their soul that we will be there to care for them and make them happy when they are healthy, and it is our duty to do the same when they make that turn towards the end and are no longer having quality of life. That's what makes it so difficult, but be sure that it is right, and our best friends deserve such a humane and dignified ending.

Being an objective 3rd party when assisting in putting many animals to rest, I always felt that it was the right decision by the owners. Not having the same emotional connection, we assistants could say without doubt that the owner was making a tough, but 100%, loving decision. Never feel bad for doing right by your loyal companions.

Having had to put my own little buddy to rest last week, I know it was the right going. He couldn't be helped any longer, and I was not going to let him suffer once he began to travel that road.

However, knowing I made the right decision for my buddy is one thing; learning to live each day without seeing, hearing, or caring for him is a whole other box of terrible. This sucks.
JDon

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #205 
We had to put our beautiful 4 year old cat to sleep. He was poisoned somehow, likely anti freeze less than a teaspoon is fatal. We took him in to the vet and he was lethargic but alert and seemed ok. The vet told us his kidneys were failing and he would suffer... so many tears I was hoping for a miracle, it all happened so quickly. I keep looking for him at the door, his toys are around the house... my heart goes out to all the other on this site. I never knew this little creature live so deeply in my hear.
Pogo. A gentle soul I miss you. I’m am an old man that has cried buckets for a tiny furry beast.
iheartdierks

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #206 
I'm so sorry JDon about Pogo. It is so hard to lose these special little creatures. I knew it was going to be hard when I lost my Dierks but it has just been horribly devastating. I feel your pain. It has helped to visit this board and chat with people who understand. 
JDon

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #207 
Yes reaching out and sharing helps with the grief
best wishes and thanks
J
JDon

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #208 
Yes reaching out and sharing helps with the grief
best wishes and thanks
J
Lovingbit

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #209 
Hi everyone, my 14-year old Maltese baby is currently in the hospital and he is being placed on IV drip and a feeding tube connected to his stomach to supply nutrients to his entire body as he is no longer eating and drinking on his own. He cannot even stand anymore.

We’ve been in and out of 6 vet clinics since 31st August due to his worsening regurgitation issue and weakening hind legs. Did X-ray and blood work at the start of this entire nightmare and the results came back normal. Intially, a couple of vets thought it was just normal vomiting issue but even with medication, his condition was worsening. So I brought him in to the fourth clinic for blood work, X-ray, pancreatitis test, ultrasound, another blood test for myasthenia gravis on 23rd September. Everything came back normal. I just couldn’t understand what was going on with my baby!

After being discharged from the hospital, he was getting weaker on all four legs back home - could barely manage a few steps before stumbling again. He couldn’t even get up to release his bladder and I bought diapers for him the next day. Hospital sold me a few cans of digestible turkey meat and so I got them and fed it to him only to have him regurgitate everything out. I thought to myself that he wouldn’t be able to last for long if his body kept rejecting food and water, even though he was still clearly keen in eating and drinking.

At this point of time, I wanted to let him take a break from all the tests and medication, which he clearly DETESTS. So I brought him for acupuncture sessions by a renowned local TCM vet. It was my last resort. I just gotta give every viable method a shot. During the first session, his front legs were regaining strength and he could walk out of the consultation room on his own. I was amazed and ecstatic! Over the next few sessions, the frequency of his regurgitation had decreased and so I kept bringing him back for more. I cannot even count the number of sessions we’d attended. His diet now comprised of sweet potato mash, warm rice water, and herbal powder prescribed by the TCM vet. Everything was starting to look up, my baby could go for walks, could poop, and he even raised his hind leg up to mark his territory again!

And then one evening, he couldn’t walk anymore. Attempted to but he would just fall over so he gave up trying. Tried to feed him food and water and he regurgitated everything out within 5 minutes. The next day, I checked him into another hospital and did X-ray and blood test again. Vet told me from the X-ray result, a cloud could clearly be seen between the end of his esophagus and his stomach and she suspected it to be a tumor. So a CT scan and endoscopy were carried out and she confirmed that it’s a benign tumor. HOWEVER, there is another issue going on - slip discs between his C3 and C5 vertebrae. And that requires ANOTHER surgery to relieve the compression in his spine.

So as of now, there are 2 surgeries to be carried out:
1. Removal of tumor in esophagus
2. Spine surgery

My baby is now reduced to skin and bones and he is clearly a shadow of the feisty and happy dog he used to be. I’ve been washing my face in tears for the past 1.5 months. I really don’t know if I should proceed with the surgeries given his current state but another part of me wants to give it a try. Of course, I’m definitely troubled by the hefty bills but it is not a major issue here as I believe I can raise enough to fund his hospitalisation bills and surgeries. I just don’t know which is the right option - to give it a try or to end his suffering. I kept asking myself what if he wants to live? He’s currently on life support now and the vet said that if we were to remove the plugs, he will slowly slip away... she also mentioned a 50/50 chance for the surgeries, it’s the post-operative care that should be a cause for concern.

I’m really devastated. I can’t bear the thought of losing him... he’s always just there when I turn around and he’s been with me through so many phases of life since I was 14. I’ve been to an animal communicator as well and she told me that my dog would actually like me to spread my wings and do the things I’ve been wanting to do... and not hold back anymore because of him. I said that it’s ok I can always take him along and he replied saying that he’s already an old man.

I told my parents about wanting to let him go for the surgeries and my mom is really upset as she feels that I’m prolonging his suffering. A few others have told me the same. But i can’t give up without trying right? How can I give up on a living being whom I love so, so much. How can I decide death on him, for him?


Please help me. My heart is utterly broken. I need my baby in my life.
Lovingbit

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #210 
Hi everyone, my 14-year old Maltese baby is currently in the hospital and he is being placed on IV drip and a feeding tube connected to his stomach to supply nutrients to his entire body as he is no longer eating and drinking on his own. He cannot even stand anymore.

We’ve been in and out of 6 vet clinics since 31st August due to his worsening regurgitation issue and weakening hind legs. Did X-ray and blood work at the start of this entire nightmare and the results came back normal. Intially, a couple of vets thought it was just normal vomiting issue but even with medication, his condition was worsening. So I brought him in to the fourth clinic for blood work, X-ray, pancreatitis test, ultrasound, another blood test for myasthenia gravis on 23rd September. Everything came back normal. I just couldn’t understand what was going on with my baby!

After being discharged from the hospital, he was getting weaker on all four legs back home - could barely manage a few steps before stumbling again. He couldn’t even get up to release his bladder and I bought diapers for him the next day. Hospital sold me a few cans of digestible turkey meat and so I got them and fed it to him only to have him regurgitate everything out. I thought to myself that he wouldn’t be able to last for long if his body kept rejecting food and water, even though he was still clearly keen in eating and drinking.

At this point of time, I wanted to let him take a break from all the tests and medication, which he clearly DETESTS. So I brought him for acupuncture sessions by a renowned local TCM vet. It was my last resort. I just gotta give every viable method a shot. During the first session, his front legs were regaining strength and he could walk out of the consultation room on his own. I was amazed and ecstatic! Over the next few sessions, the frequency of his regurgitation had decreased and so I kept bringing him back for more. I cannot even count the number of sessions we’d attended. His diet now comprised of sweet potato mash, warm rice water, and herbal powder prescribed by the TCM vet. Everything was starting to look up, my baby could go for walks, could poop, and he even raised his hind leg up to mark his territory again!

And then one evening, he couldn’t walk anymore. Attempted to but he would just fall over so he gave up trying. Tried to feed him food and water and he regurgitated everything out within 5 minutes. The next day, I checked him into another hospital and did X-ray and blood test again. Vet told me from the X-ray result, a cloud could clearly be seen between the end of his esophagus and his stomach and she suspected it to be a tumor. So a CT scan and endoscopy were carried out and she confirmed that it’s a benign tumor. HOWEVER, there is another issue going on - slip discs between his C3 and C5

Karmacat

Registered:
Posts: 132
 #211 
We all fought for as long as we could, together with our beloved pets.. And when we could fight no more, then many of us had to do the unthinkable.

I would never have considered euthanasia, but in the end I felt compelled to do it. I don't really feel very guilty but I sure do feel lousy about it. The one thing that haunts me is the thought that when I brought her for that last trip to the vet, how could I explain to her about that? Did I somehow betray the trust she had in me...?
Steph6

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #212 
I stumbled on this page when I was googling "did we make the right decision". I am struggling because I feel like we may have missed some signs that possibly could have helped. I also feel like we gave up on our sweet girl, Chloe, too soon. To make this very long story as short as possible, our girl was a 12 year old Labrador Retriever. She would have turned 13 this December. All of her checkups always showed she was healthy. She started slowing down about two years ago. She couldn't handle our hikes anymore or very long walks without being sore for a few days after. Could this have been our first sign? We just figured it was her age. She got to the point where ahe struggled to jump on our bed at night and couldn't go for a car ride in the truck without needing a boost. Getting in the car was fine though. Another sign? We changed her food, per vet recommendation, due to frequent ear infections. She was always prone to getting them as she's a lab and loves water. Her vet suggested that since frequent cleanings haven't prevented them, maybe it's a food allergy. Anyways, she went a few days with not wanting to eat the food but if I hand fed her, she'd eat a little. We thought maybe she just didn't like it and switched her food to a different brand (with each switch we did the slow mixing with old food). She started eating just fine. She was still drinking water the entire time though. But, could this have been another sign? She started going deaf. Sometimes we had to touch her so she knew we were trying to get her attention. We thought age. But now, sign? She started looking too skinny so we upped the amount of food we gave her. I had mentioned it to the vet one time but she weighed 65 pounds so he wasn't concerned. Now that I think about that, how did she weigh 65 pounds but look so much skinnier? Sign? We felt smalllumps on her side and when mentioned to the vet, he didn't seem concerned. At this point, I don't even remember what he thought they could have been. But because he was the vet, we didn't question. Total regret. This was all in the span of two years. Nothing else out of the ordinary. Fast forward to a month ago. My other female dog and her (I have... had I guess... 4 dogs) started not getting along a month ago, which wasn't normal, at all. They got into a small fight that we broke up without major damage to either dog. Sign? Then comes Saturday. Around noon it was a 4 dog fight in my house. Not usual as the last one was just the girls and while that wasn't normal either, it did happen. Another sign? We were able to break it up pretty fast and despite 2 of our dogs (not Chloe) needing some stitches, they were all okay. We seperated all the dogs. Checked them all one by one for injuries, and took the two boys to the emergency vet for stitches once we made sure the girls were okay. When I got home probably around 3 or 4pm, I tried to let Chloe out of her crate (our other girl was still in her kennel) but she wouldn't come out. She just slept. I thought she probably wore herself out trying to be a tough girl. So I let her be and let my other girl come out instead. Then Chloe started crying about 30 or so minutes later, so I put Pepper back up and I went to Chloe, tried to let her out again but she still wouldn't come. So I just sat there with her for a bit hoping if I gave her some love and attention, she would come out. She stopped crying but still didn't want to get up. When it was time to feed the dogs (6) she wouldn't eat. I was finally able to get her to come out but she was limping and ended up going back to her kennel a few minutes later. I called my husband and told him what was going on. He warned the vet that we may be back with her. My husband got home from picking the boys up (had to leave them for a few hours and return to pick them up and because the only vet open on weekends was 30 minutes from our house, he dropped me back off at home and took our son with him to have dinner in town while waiting to pick the boys up. I came home because I had just recieved some bad news about a family member and needed to come home. I'm glad I did.) around 10pm and was able to eventually coax her out and get her to eat a slice of lunchmeat. He figured he'd try that since she wouldn't eat anything else. She ate it. Drink some water and then went outside. As soon as she came inside, only seconds after being let outside, she layed down and looked at us. Me, my husband and then our son. Then she urinated... blood. All blood. Not just spots.. but I saw only blood. We took her to the emergency vet right away. My husband had to help her in the car. She couldn't get in on her own. She yelped as he was lifting her. She urinated just as much blood again as they were walking her back to check her vitals. Vitals were all good. Normal. They wanted to do an xray and ultrasound to try and find where this bleeding was coming from. When the doctor came in to give us the results, it was almost 2am at that point, of the xray and ultrasound, I could see in her eyes that it was bad news. They saw her left kidney.. looked good. They couldn't find her right kidney. It was covered by a very large mass. She told us that this was not caused by the fight. It had been there, growing, for awhile. It was so big. Cancer. The fight was just unfortunate coincidence. The fight could have been because she was nearing the end and letting off a scent that my other dogs didn't recognize. Or something like that. It's a blur as all I could focus on was "how is this possible. She seemed so healthy. She just played fetch 2 days prior. Still jumping around. We were told that due to the large size, her age, amount of blood she already lost, and the location of the mass that there was a very slim chance of her making it through surgery. She recomended euthanasia. She said due to the fact that she has lost a lot of blood already, she doesn't recommend we being her home as she didn't think she would make it through the night. She needed surgery or say goodbye with her family surrounding her. She, again, told us the risks of surgery and explained that if some how she did make it through surgery, there would most likely be complications that would reduce her quality of life. My husband and I talked for hours. Going back and fourth on what to do, On what we thought would be best for her. We didn't want to be selfish and make her suffer but we were also confused as this was a huge shock and I didn't want to believe this was even happening. All 3 of us sat the and cried before telling them to being our girl to us (My husband prepared himself. Somehow he had a feeling this vet visit wasn't going to be good. He told me we had to bring our son with us and be prepared. I kind of ignored that comment but agreed to have our son come). We talked some more while surrounding Chloe. Seeing how miserable she was. Seeing them have to carry her into the room. She looked so sad. Eventually we decided that the right thing to do was say goodbye. She wagged her tail at us one last time before she fell asleep. My heart is broken. I now have doubts that we did the right thing and regret that we missed signs. I feel like we failed our Chloe. I want her back. I want a do over. I want to bring her home. I haven't slept very much in 3 days because as soon as I close my eyes, I relive that day. I feel sick to my stomach and can't eat much. It hurts. My husband thinks that the way she looked at us before blood came rushing out was her way of telling us it was time. I can't help but feel the way I do though. I lost two that day (my cousin. I found out about her hours before Chloe started bleeding).
hurts2much

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #213 
I don't know exactly where to start and apologize in advance for my lengthy post. I don’t even know if anyone still follows this thread but I just need to let it out, hoping it'll make me feel better.

First I'm so sorry for everyone's loss. It is so devastating and hard to process when we lose our best friends. I have to say, I am so beyond happy that I found this page. It has helped me tremendously, both before and after we had to put our baby to sleep. Reading everyone’s posts, has comforted me in knowing I’m not the only one going through this.

We had to put our baby of 12 years Soda, a beautiful long hair orange tabby to sleep a few days ago. I have to say, it was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

Two months ago I took her to a cat hospital, due to some scabs that formed around her neck. That vet diagnosed her with ringworm and dermatitis. That misdiagnosis was the beginning of a very rough road for our precious baby.

After a month of medications for both issues I noticed, not only were the scabs not gone but worse. I decided to take her to the vet we take our dogs too. That doctor confirmed she did have ringworm but not dermatitis and said the allergy medicine she put her on for that “dermatitis”, made the ringworm worse. Needless to say we were not happy.

After many, many trips to the vet, sulfur-lime dips, medications, overnight stay for fluid, medication and tests, my baby was not the same. We noticed shortly after going to that first vet, that her demeanor had started to change. She started to withdrawal and interact with us less. She started laying in more hidden places and just looked like she didn’t feel well.

The new vet started to notice this as well and we contributed it to all the stress of all the doctor visits and medicines and being poked and prodded. Then she stopped eating and started losing weight quite quickly. I thought now it was due to both stress and the horrid new ringworm medication the new doctor put her on. I stopped that after just a few days, due to how she was acting. They did blood work and x-rays. All came back good, except her liver levels were high and x-rays showed it was enlarged and fatty due to not eating.

The last trip to the vet was not a good one. They still had no idea what was wrong with her but due to her not eating and continuously losing weight, (she lost about 6 pounds in 2 weeks and was a slender cat to begin with) they said it was about quality of life at this point and recommended euthanasia. I was devastated and told her I was not going to do that until we found out what was wrong. I would not be able to live with myself, knowing I made that decision without a cause.

They kept her that night and gave her more medicine and fluids and did an ultrasound in the morning. When the doctor called me, she said she ate well that evening which gave me hope. Then she gave me the results of the ultrasound (I stopped breathing right before she told me). She had found a mass in her abdomen. It was between her small intestine and colon. I couldn’t believe what I heard and started to cry. I told her we would pick her up, spend some good time with her and decided we would put her to sleep the following day. Luckily they offered to do it at home, which was good because I just couldn’t take her back there again.

Unfortunately our family had an emergency and we had to cancel them coming to the house that next day, so we rescheduled for the following Saturday. We’re glad we did too. We were able to spend some really good time with her that week. She was strictly and indoor cat, so each day we would take her in the backyard and let her do what she wanted, she loved it so much. Every day when we got home from work she would scratch at the door to go out. We loved seeing her enjoy the last few days of her life.

That dreadful day finally came. We spent a few good hours with her that morning before it was time. When they got there we decided to do it outside where she loved it so much. After she gave her the relaxer to calm her down, she laid in my husband’s lap. This is the part that I can’t keep myself together at. She slowly looked up at my husband and then over at me, with the calmest, sweetest look on her face. We truly believe she was saying good-bye to us. Then the doctor gave her the final two shots and I lost it. I couldn’t stop apologizing to her that I couldn’t make her better, I feel like I let her down.


The guilt I feel since that day is killing me. I hate the fact that we had to make that decision for her. How do I know that’s what she wanted? How do I know she didn’t want to live until the end? My husband and Mom keep telling me we did the right thing and to stop beating myself up and that she’s not hurting anymore. I understand all that but the feeling that I killed her is overwhelming.
The other part of the guilt I feel, is that it has been a few days now and I don’t cry as much. I cried so much the first couple of days and still burst into tears throughout the day but I don’t feel like I do as much as I should, why is that? I feel like I should be more upset for longer. I’m thinking maybe it’s because she was getting sicker each day and I was with her throughout all of that. Seeing her decline so quickly, trying everything I could with everything I had to help her get better, that I may just be coming to terms with it because I saw it coming and was able to spend so much good time with her at the end. I don’t know I just feel horrible that I’m not more upset because I feel I should be.

My heart goes out to the ones who sadly had to make that last minute decision and were not able to spend time with their babies before they took their trip to the rainbow bridge. I feel very fortunate we were able to.
JDon

Registered:
Posts: 19
 #214 
So sorry about your loss, I figure many of us go through the same emotions, you did what you felt was best for your beautiful furry companion. 
Thanks for sharing.
hurts2much

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #215 
Thank you JDon. It is a good feeling to know she's not suffering anymore. It's just so hard to accept and hard not to question our decision, which seems to be the general feeling from others on here. It's good to know I'm not alone though.
Angel_Dawn

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #216 
You relieved your Soda from pain and took it upon yourself. At least you got diagnosis. In my case after all the tasting, ekocardiogram, ultrasounds, xrays ER vets told me my Dawn had a left lung collapsed and cancer was a strong possibility. I still don't know why she was limping on her left rear leg. Three weeks after all the diagnostic testing my girl went into a respiratory failure, contracted fluid in her lungs and I rushed her to the vet and ended her suffering. She was only 14.5
I struggle with the guilt over euthonasia also. I think everybody does who has to make this awful decision.
It is easy to tell everyone that they did the right thing. I am harder on myself.
You know, once they stop eating and drinking, just lay around 24/7 there is no quality of life. When the body is shutting down food and water are not priority for an organizm. Plus if suffering enters the picture it is time to let go.
Sorry about your loss, hang in there. Hugs...
Violetta
hurts2much

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #217 
Thank you Violetta, I'm sorry for your loss as well and all the struggles your Dawn went through. All of the doctor visits, testing, medications and poke and prodding all our babies endured just to help them get better was exhausting and stressful for both them and us and when we couldn't help them in the end it's heartbreaking.
I guess it's all a part of life sometimes, still not easy by any stretch. I'm happy our girls are not suffering anymore, I just still see her in every room and it tears me apart. Remembering the good times we had with her is helping me get from one day to the next without her. Thank you for your kind words, take care of yourself.

Nicole
Ann_in_Iowa

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #218 
Hurts2much, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Soda was special.  I still think about my last morning with our cat Emma, and remember the selfies I took with her, knowing that they would probably be the last ones.  One thing that I did afterward that helped me was to put my energy into creating a Shutterfly book about Emma.  Shutterfly makes it possible to make your own book with pictures and text, and they have some pet-type graphics you can add.  I may not have Emma, but I have that book, and I have pictures and a clay paw print that the vet made for us that last day.  This may not be your thing, but it was helpful for me. 

Angel_Dawn

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #219 
I feel today that there should be a way to put down a human bright due to severe emotional pain. Since that horrible day of 9/13/2018 I am living in constant emotional pain and anxiety. Regret not taking Dawn to the ER again. Yes, I would get drained financially but perhaps I would get solid diagnosis. At the time I felt that it is cancer since antibiotics didn't help and I thought that at her age I won't subject her to any surgeries or chemotherapies and radiations. Therefore spending all remaining $5000.00 I had left in my bank account on her diagnosis wasn't smart. Now I feel that it would be worth it for my piece of mind. Jesus Christ this is hard.
I don't know how I will keep on going with this burden on my heart. I literally feel crippled. Plain handicapped. Can't function.
Hope I get cancer and die real soon. I want to be wherever Dawn is. She was my life. She and I relied on each other when her brother suddenly died. Now I am all alone with this crippling pain in my heart.
Wish someone would put me out of my misery.
Handler

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #220 
I had to put my 5 year old rohdesian down yesterday . At a young age he developed seizures when i brought him home from the training center I adopted him from. He was my boy and we loved him. About 2 months ago he developed bone cancer in his jaw and it spread to his shoulder. His right leg was useless and we were giving him up to 10 pills a day for pain and inflammation. The choice to put him down was easy. The actual procedure was devastating for my family. We always knew his seizures shortened to life, we're hard on his body. We were able to manage them to a degree. But the cancer was not something we were going to let him suffer through. We all agreed (including my 8 year old daughter) that he deserved to go peacefully and it was our duty to make sure it happened. I held my hand over his heart until it stopped beating and I said goodbye.

Our grieving is deep and feels so empty without him here. But this sadness will pass and memories will be forever. I do not regret or decision but I was reminded of what one of my friends said. We are so merciful to our pets to end their misery but we don't extend that mercy to our human loved ones. I would so love to go on my terms of I was suffering needlessly and terminally ill. I would so love to be surrounded by all those I love and say goodbye with no sadness of guilt. I would so love to go like my boy Dylan did yesterday morning. Peace to all of you.
soverysad

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #221 
I still miss my 16 year old chihuahua and it has been almost a year now. There are days when I literally forget and call out for her expecting to see her rush back to me, and then I am crushed by the thought that I will never see her again.

I am sorry for your loss. Cancer is something that no one, human or dog, should have to suffer through to the end when it hopeless anyways. I wish every state had a law where the suffering person could go to a doctor, and once diagnosed with a terminal illness, be given a prescription that would allow them to exit the pain and suffering when they want to exit. It should be a choice. If they decide they want to ride out the cancer until the very bitter end, and experience all the pain and suffering and disability, that should be their choice as well. With pets, when they are in great pain, it is our responsibility to end their suffering, because we have removed them from nature which has its own brutal but brief way of dealing with cancer. The reason you don't see wild animals suffering long drawn out battles with cancer is that early on in the disease process they get weak and slow down and often reduce their eating and in turn get weaker and weaker, until a predator takes them down. While it is a brutal death, it ends their suffering quite early in the process. With pets, there are usually no predators involved in their endings, so they would have to live on for months slowly dying from the cancer. It would be quite terrible for them. With euthanasia we spare them from the brutal predator death and from the long drawn out suffering and pain caused by a cancer death.

While I still miss my little dog, I no longer feel guilty about the euthanasia. I saved her from a long drawn out miserable death that no one should have to endure. And her passing was as quick and painless as the process could possibly be.

Now when my time comes someday in the future I hope I will have the courage to do what needs to be done to end my own suffering.
Mondo

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 #222 
Hello Soverysad.   My boys both had tumors, cancer .. not sure exactly what as they were geriatric and we didn't want to be invasive.  Feb 19, 2014, then Jan 19, 2015 - Tuffy and Toby left us respectively.  Both were euthanized and I never felt guilt, but relief.  I had watched my Dad suffer with extreme dementia and often thought what a god send it would be to set him free.  So that is how I viewed things when the boys left.  We were able to free them of pain and release them from their painful bodies ..



I still feel them with me today.  Their dog tags are still on my keychain and they come along for my walks with Ellie and Missy now.  

Hugs.

Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad
Jakes_Dad

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 #223 
I had to have by truly beautiful and amazing boy Jake, a springer spaniel,  put to sleep on Monday, New years eve. My wife and I adopted Jake from a dog shelter when he was roughly 12 months old. We already had a rescue dog called Indy who had some behavioral issues including not particularly liking other dogs, Jake was different and Indy immediately loved him. They became inseparable. Jake was the softed dog and we often laughed about how he would run up to people wagging his tale and just roll over onto his back to get his tummy rubbed. He was so in tune with us and instinctively knew when we were poorly or feeling low and would just come and sit with us or snuggle up close. Being in the military I had to move a lot, some time being unaccompanied, and the dogs would always come with me. I formed a very close bond with Jake as he always knew how I was feeling. My wife was diagnosed with bowel cancer this time last year and Jake was her shadow while she was going through treatment. He never left her side and would just sit with her to let he know she was not alone while I was at work.  He just had an amazing ability to know how we were both feeling and make us feel better.

When our oldest daughter was born Jake was quite jealous and for some reason he just did not warm to her, but remained his placid and loving self with everyone else. He would just avoid our daughter and she knew that. However, when our youngest was born, again Jake was weary around her and started to growl when she would come too close to him. We tried our hardest to train this out of him. My youngest now three is the most outgoing toddler I have known and she just loves the dogs, she always wanted to pet them but although Indy was happy with this, Jake would grumble and walk away but that was all he would ever do.

A couple of weeks ago, Jake started acting differently and an immediate trip to the vet diagnosed him with an auto-immune disorder. A prescription of strong steroids was given and he seemed to improve and become himself again. The vet cut down the prescription to try to ween him of the steroids. On Sunday night my youngest petted him as she walked past and he turned and snapped at her, catching her on the face giving her a very small cut above the eye. This was the first time he had gone beyond grumbling and walking away from the situation. My daughter was ok but a bit shaken. In the morning wer called the vet who we trust hugely. We took Jake in and she confirmed that the auto-immune issued had flared up and that it looked like he would not ever be able to live without the steroids. She also confirmed that his behaviour was more than likely because he was not well and feeling very vulnerable. My youngest petting him was just the small trigger. Knowing that things could never be the same for Jake, and for the safety of our daughter, we looked at options. My wife and I knew that we could not put him back in the shelter. He was 12 years old with an illness and would never be re-homed and we just could not cope with the thought of him being stuck behind that glass panel again. We took took the heart wrenching decision to have him put to sleep. We were there with him, cuddling him and holding him tight like he always loved, when the vet administered the injections. He went to sleep very quickly with us holding him. 

I am now really struggling with this decision. I am wracked with guilt that we should have tried harder to find a solution. The vet said that she thinks we did exactly the right thing and that she would have done the same, not only for the safety of our girls but also his quality of life. I am just struggling to come to terms with it. I miss him so much and I just feel like I betrayed his trust and unconditional love. He was still full of life but I know he wasn't well and that things would never be the same for him. I am not sure how I am ever going to get over the guilt and the thought of him lying motionless on the blanket after the decision I made for him. Sorry for the long rambling post but this is absolutely killing me inside.
archie1

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 #224 
Hi Jakes_dad... I just went thru a similar experience a few months ago with my dog Archie.   He was a German Shepherd puppy only 9 months old. All of a sudden he was unable to walk properly.  It was only a few days later that he was diagnosed with stage 5 lymphoma cancer.  After a round of chemo (which didn't work) and some procedures to drain the blood that accumulated between his chest cavity and lungs, he was unable to walk...but still clear-minded.  It's still hard to believe this could happen to such a young dog.  When the vet came to provide the euthanasia, he lifted his head and I could see him fight with all his might as the fluid entered his veins.  This will haunt me the rest of my life. u.  To make matters worse, our second dog (golden retriever) died about 4 weeks later..after a 6-month fight with cancer.   ...so I feel for you.   Good luck.
...btw I made a website for Archie (and Trouper) if you care to view:  http://www.thunderdisco.com/archie   www.thunderdisco.com/trouper

Kellysmom

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Posts: 4
 #225 
I had my  JRT for 17 years and I thought she would live to be 21 but kidney disease and neurological problems took hold o her small 12 lb body. I was not prepared to make that decision at the Vet emergency room it was either proceed  with medical help or put her down. There was no in between I felt forced to make a decision and i chose to do what ai best for the dog. My bond with her was so strong but I could not handle being there with her to say goodbye, I wasn't prepared, I was hysterical, I had been there for my parents and siblings death but I just fell apart. I felt my love and energy would upset her and pull her to fight for her life. It was so hard! I know I did the right thing for the dog and myself I wish I had had more time to prepare and be there at the end but under the circumstances I just could not.
She knows why my fur baby
silenced_soul

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Posts: 1
 #226 
I'm still having a horrible time coping. Its been a few months. Tryinf to air to maybe allow movement. I just don't know what else to do.

I found myself in a bad place, promised place to live but then not...emotionally abusive situation. Tried desperately to find help, but no luck...I can't get past the what ifs still. I know realistically there is nothing else I could've done, the last 3 days I litterally emptied my bank account of every drop and tried everything I could think of...but I still ache. I'm not listing names or all details as I've had enough death threats and don't want to add.

My boy was a wolfdog cross, person was going to get rid of him as he wasn't as sellable as siblings. So I took him, was supposed to be temp but was promised never had to worry as always had home with family. I know how reactive and anti human they can be, but it was OK because we had a home.

He never was a happy come see puppy, always hiding. I took him out as much as could, never growled but always laying down and turning away. But eventually he was happy to see n play with me. Had him neutered for typical breeding behavor woes. Then our living situation changed, there was constant fighting for over a year, tried rehoming as I decided to leave as my own health and both dogs were suffering...looked n looked for 1.5 yrs no one will rent to with 2 dogs that were not uber friendly...but he ran from his new home after a month and I had to go get him. I was refused time, not even a few days, if he came back me/him/and my other dog was out right then no ifs. Met others that thought could help but he ran from n growled at the last and started showing signs he was going to bite if kept pushing and the stress I'm guessing pushed him to growls and hiding more when not in his dog house. He hid constantly. Hated going out but would go with me. I didn't see it as that then, but looking back theres so many warnings. Had 2 trainers weigh in by talking with one that had seen him in person and video of his behavor when out/approached/looking/food/play, he was going to need months of rehab IF it wasn't a breeding/genetic issue. Thousands of dollars without guarantee. They both said kindest thing was to put down, when he reacted he was going to hurt someone and there was far worse that could happen. He wasn't even 2 years old how could he be sick like that...

I know it can happen a glitch genetically but blinders. He was such a good boy for me. He never bit me, etc.

I was left with no money for more time at a motel no where else to go. No shelter or rescue would take since he was 105lbs of fearfull teeth that bolted if something sneezed. Called n called. I was told I could sign over but no adopting from one place. I begged for help and got back lash as I couldn't just live in my vehicle or wait otherwise. I still get death threats. I made the choice rather then risk him being in a worse situation or some one doing something stupid and ending up severely hurt if not dead. I begged vets but they flat refused. I ended up going to the one shelter and signing over.

He never bit. He never attacked. However, I know if cornered he would have if he was able to in all likelihood. I know he was afraid a lot even at "home". He was happy when it was just me and him. Maybe just wishful thinking too....

I still feel guilt n horrible. What if I'd just stayed hoped I didnt have to go to ER as I have medical conditions were its not wise to sit for long periods n breathing issues and found any one to take him...I know he could've been bait or fight trainer or left on a chain or kennel...but he'd still be alive. I know thats warped but hurts. Is death really better then kennel or chain for life? I wouldn't want to live that way...but that's my choice.

On an ad I'd reached out for help on, so much blame and hate replied. For me not having a place for us even though I was assured we'd always have a home. For not waiting for any one to take him. For signing over for euthanasia. For not asking for help sooner despite not being given any time. A few do gooders about a week after said they would have taken him, they had rescues and what not but no experience with a canine like him really but he was so beautiful and happy looking in the photos he couldn't be that bad; made me cringe with damage that could've been and cry cause he might have had a life with them others claimed if they'd just been contacted and a ride found they'd took him. Had one say I was wishy washy about letting them have him when they had been told find a ride and take him as he cannot go back or we are all out...I couldn't miss more work or they were going to fire...my doctors wanted me to go into hospital but I flat refused because I needed to find him safety...why do I still feel like I didn't do enough and I failed in the worst way? I've even contimplated things I shouldn't. It's not an issue but I've had the thought if I'd just took both and done...least we would be together. I know its warped, I know it won't help.

I know I failed, but I do not know what else I could've done. There isn't a day that goes by I sink. I don't have nightmares or such...but I'm so torn. I pray he's in a better place and can forgive me, but even that is hard to swallow.
JDon

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Posts: 19
 #227 
Hard to understand what you went through hope you find some daylight and can move forward we all do the best we can for our animal companions.
I would like to believe tomorrow will be better for you.
Best wishes.
MyTay5

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Posts: 1
 #228 
DearMiss, your post is so comforting thank you. Also I'm so sorry for you loss. Your strength gives me hope. I hope you see this post my heart is in bits at putting my pup to rest. Is there anyone you could recommend please I've been scouring the net looking for a medium/animal communicator with no luck. I need to know my baby girl is ok who I feel like I killed on Sunday. Not coping with the decision I made at all. X

Thinking of everybody. Healing hugs to you all, thank you for allowing me to be here✨
Karmacat

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Posts: 132
 #229 
Euthanasia is a beautiful concept, especially when it comes to humans. When a person reaches such a state of ill health and suffering that they decide they really have had enough, I think it's a good thing to have the right to decide to leave earlier.

With animals, it is a terrible burden because we have to decide for them when they have had enough. And the bitter irony of our deep love forcing us to go the euthanasia route is really traumatic and disagreeable, and leaves a deep lasting scar on our psyche. I really feel for the vets, whose job requires them to perform this day in and day out - it must be so tough...
PoisonIvy

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Posts: 57
 #230 
I agree, Karmacat.  I've been "mom" to two dogs with cancer in the past year, and when I was contemplating the end for the first one, one of the veterinarians, while generally very supportive, said things about euthanasia that made me think she had not really come to terms with it as part of her practice.  At the time, I confess, this made me kind of mad.  I was relying on her and her colleagues to help me make the decision when to do the euthanasia.  Since then, I've done some reading and found out how stressful it is to be a veterinarian, including because of the frequency of euthanasia.  
Bruisers_dad

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Posts: 12
 #231 
Hi Karmacat, you're so right about the terrible burden we face when deciding for our pets. That pain we feel I think is truly a tsunami of our love, the years of joy we had with our pets, crashing into us at an infinitely greater magnitude than we ever felt when they were healthy and alive. I don't think I ever loved my cat more than that moment he died, and even more since then.
Having said that, I've also been on the other side. I worked as a veterinary assistant for several years and held and comforted many animals as they took their last breaths when they were euthanized. It is nothing like what most people think. We always knew that we were objectively helping the pet, and the owner, with the right decision to end suffering. Not having the years of daily experiences with each pet gives the vet staff an unclouded perspective with which to act, and makes it possible to help these animals with a clear conscience. Yes, we hated doing it each time, but there was never a feeling of deep sadness or regret. In fact, it was actually much more upsetting when people would hang on for too long to a clearly suffering pet. Also, it did not happen every day. There were sometimes only a few per month. Take comfort in knowing that veterinarians are some of the kindest people in the world and only want what's best for animals, even when it comes to the hardest decision.
Karmacat

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Posts: 132
 #232 
Bruisers_dad, thanks for adding in the perspective from the other side. It reminds me that I used to be able to look on death with calmness last time, but since my cat Karma died in Dec 2017, something in me broke and I have been run over by the 'tsunami of grief' that you so eloquently termed.

Poisonivy, I definitely agree that a vets job is very tough. I'm very sure that I wouldn't be able to do it, so I'm grateful for these stronger people who step up to the plate to do this difficult job.
Severus

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Posts: 6
 #233 
My wife and I are beside ourselves with grief today. Yesterday we put our beloved Gus to sleep. He was a 14 1/2 year old Yellow lab who we got as a puppy. We estimate in the 2 walks a day unleashed he got that he has hiked over 14000 miles. We now have 2 more labs because of him. He started losing his strength is his back legs 2 years ago, and could no longer go out and down the stairs to potty. We had to let him out on the far side of the house after that. A year and a half ago he started falling over on his walks, and really looked dizzy, and we almost put him down then. We tried one last thing, we took him off his 1/4 Deeramax? Pill a day, and he improved markedly. Nothing against the medicine, just don’t think his liver tolerated it. Since then it has been a slow steady decline. He was falling down a lot. His Walkie walkies twice a day had to be shortened. He had to be helped up and sometimes helped to lay down. Finally he started losing control of his bowels in the last few months. One time we found him on the wooden floor exhausted trying to get up, and covered in feces that looked hours old. We put carpet samples all over, and kept lots of carpet cleaner on hand. We got up at 3-4 in the morning at the slightest sound he was stirring. He had a pattern for a long time, so we kind of could manage it. Yesterday , after pooping all over just 3 hours after his 3 am let out he was resting in his favorite pillow in the middle of the day, and just tried to stand and pooped all over. We decided it was time. We called a mobile vet, and in the hour and a half we had left with him we took him for a walk, and a long drink at his pond. We gave him his favorite treats. This is where it got so hard. He was enjoying himself . We took him in when the Dr arrived and he met her at the door. We put him to sleep with my wife and I holding him on his favorite pillow. Now all we can think of is how much he was enjoying himself. We feel so much like we gave up on him. We made so many adjustments over the last 2 years, but we feel like we made a snap decision yesterday. He still had some parts of the day he enjoyed. I can not describe how much we loved him, and vice-versa. We both are devastated.
DearMiss

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Posts: 12
 #234 
Dear Severus, it always becomes a snap decision especially when we prolong their death in hoping they get better or keeping them as comfortable as possible, they have such a high pain tolerance and even hold on for us and this is why they have up and down days. This is something that you did FOR Gus because he needed help in transitioning over to rainbow bridge, when they lose use of their legs and not being able to go the bathroom properly it is their time and they are suffering. You gave Gus dignity in dying, and he is on the other side happy and healthy and waiting for you to join him. I know for 100% sure that there is a heaven for us and our dogs, when I had to let my girl Missy go, the signs she had sent me while I was grieving so bad are incredible. I had also spoke to mediums who provided me with so much amazing information about her and her health at that time that I was convinced  there is an afterlife and it is so magical beyond our wildest dreams. I felt so guilty too afterwards and wondered if I should have done it when I did but she would of suffered so much and I did not want her to have anymore seizures bc she did not deserve to die like that. Please know that you released Gus to a better "world" and he is comforted with others and running and playing and so happy. He will always be with you, you just can't see him. 😉
DearMiss

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #235 
Dear Severus, it always becomes a snap decision especially when we prolong their death in hoping they get better or keeping them as comfortable as possible, they have such a high pain tolerance and even hold on for us and this is why they have up and down days. This is something that you did FOR Gus because he needed help in transitioning over to rainbow bridge, when they lose use of their legs and not being able to go the bathroom properly it is their time and they are suffering. You gave Gus dignity in dying, and he is on the other side happy and healthy and waiting for you to join him. I know for 100% sure that there is a heaven for us and our dogs, when I had to let my girl Missy go, the signs she had sent me while I was grieving so bad are incredible. I had also spoke to mediums who provided me with so much amazing information about her and her health at that time that I was convinced  there is an afterlife and it is so magical beyond our wildest dreams. I felt so guilty too afterwards and wondered if I should have done it when I did but she would of suffered so much and I did not want her to have anymore seizures bc she did not deserve to die like that. Please know that you released Gus to a better "world" and he is comforted with others and running and playing and so happy. He will always be with you, you just can't see him. 😉
DearMiss

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #236 
Dear Severus, it always becomes a snap decision especially when we prolong their death in hoping they get better or keeping them as comfortable as possible, they have such a high pain tolerance and even hold on for us and this is why they have up and down days. This is something that you did FOR Gus because he needed help in transitioning over to rainbow bridge, when they lose use of their legs and not being able to go the bathroom properly it is their time and they are suffering. You gave Gus dignity in dying, and he is on the other side happy and healthy and waiting for you to join him. I know for 100% sure that there is a heaven for us and our dogs, when I had to let my girl Missy go, the signs she had sent me while I was grieving so bad are incredible. I had also spoke to mediums who provided me with so much amazing information about her and her health at that time that I was convinced  there is an afterlife and it is so magical beyond our wildest dreams. I felt so guilty too afterwards and wondered if I should have done it when I did but she would of suffered so much and I did not want her to have anymore seizures bc she did not deserve to die like that. Please know that you released Gus to a better "world" and he is comforted with others and running and playing and so happy. He will always be with you, you just can't see him. 😉
mawlawva

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Posts: 6
 #237 

Severus.  I don't know a lot and there are few things that I know for sure.  One is that WE ... and ONLY WE know when it is time.  Sounds like you bought Gus a lot of time he would not have had otherwise.  It is just dreadful to accept.  It is so much easier when they pass in their sleep, but thanks to the wonders of veterinary medicine we have to help them more often than before.  You knew it was his time and you know that "some parts of the day" he enjoyed, but those other parts go to the quality of life.  I, too, am going through a similar thing.  Wish I'd thought about the carpet samples.  I just figure that it's time to put down wood floors anyway ...and who needs visitors?  I shampoo more often than I vacuum.  We wash towels like diaper service.  I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING.  You had to make a decision that, at one time, I swore I couldn't make.  You will second guess and have guilt.  How could you not?  It's just not something we are pre-programmed to process.  I'm here today because I'm struggling too.  I know that I'm a complete stranger and just text on a page but considering the "totality of the circumstances" (any lawyers out there), I am convinced beyond all doubt that you did the right thing at the right time.  You give me strength for this day.  Thank you and my heart goes out to you and rest of Gus' family.

 

enyasdad

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Posts: 4
 #238 
Hello Severus,
Your situation with Gus reminds me of my dog. She had lost control of urine, pooping, and her legs were going.. she couldn't get up, and usually couldn't walk. She would get trapped on the floor. She had no dignity and no ability anymore to choose where she would go- and her life was previously all about "going".. she zoomed and ran and played as a young dog, but as an old dog, she declined over the course of a year. What would have come next would be organ failure.. she had already nearly stopped eating and had lost 25% of her weight. But my dog had an awesome life. I think Gus probably had an epic life, too. On Enya's last day, on our way into the vet's office, she kind of pranced with her two front feet, and looked kind of cheerful, like "is that a field that I smell? can we go run in that field?" ... That scene has stayed with me, and makes me wonder sometimes if she was trying to tell me she was fine, and not to go through with it. But honestly, we have to put our dogs down because of the bad days- when they outnumber the good days. And wouldn't it be better to have a good day as your last day? The vet asked me, when we were about to finally do the procedure, if I wanted to talk to her or anything, and I said no- because I didn't want her to sense my grief, or think anything was wrong. She was very perceptive all of her life, so I didn't want her to panic or feel what I was feeling. I wanted her to die knowing that I loved her, so I said "no it's ok" and the suddenness of that moment also brings me a feeling of "what have I done?" .. I posted here, paralyzed after my baby was gone, and I have to admit I think of her still every day. I sometimes say into the air, "I miss you so much, Enya." But above all, for a dog to be loved, and have adventures as Gus did with you, I think that is the best life a dog can live. And to pass away on a day when Gus knows he's loved, and when he has the capacity to have fun, means he died with a happy, complete life. I feel guilt too, and it hurts me still- I wish I could afford another dog now. But I also know it was time, and from what you describe, it was Gus' time. I hope that you feel the support of others here who affirm the same- that you knew it was time, and that Gus was loved. 
Severus

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #239 
Thank you all for your responses. We feel better. When Gus, Gussie, Gustimustus, couldn’t make it up a few stairs, I would give him a “tush push” Just a gentle push on his butt, and he could make it. I want to feel like we gave him one final”tush push” up into heaven. But we will never know if we hurried it or not. We feel like we did. We could have been more patient. We wish the decision was out of our hands. Thank you for making us feel better. Gus was an amazing dog. My heart grew many times over in size loving him.
PoisonIvy

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Posts: 57
 #240 
"Wouldn't it be better to have a good day as your last day?"

This, one thousand times this!  
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