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griefstricken

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Posts: 595
 #1921 
Hello Melanie
Yes it is very hard to start each new year without our precious Angel babies. Time just goes on but that hurt of not having them is always there. I hope all is well with you otherwise. I hope your beautiful Lee Lee will give you a special visit soon. Sending her Angel kisses.

Hugs to you and your other fur babies. Stay well
Donna
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1922 

Lee Lee My Angel,
On this day 309 weeks ago we were separated.... I haven't been whole since that moment.  I miss you so much.... and will until we meet again. Please come visit me in a good dream.... I need to 'see' you again.

While I function on a daily basis, and most people never "know"... I wish I had the nerve to show this quote to some people that do 'know', but don't understand that I will never "get over it".

“You who have never “been there” in the throes of grief, have no idea what is going on inside the head of the grieving: the scattered thoughts, the constant worry that we will forget something or someone in our fog-induced state, that strange feeling of not quite “being all there” when out in social situations, the pall that covers everything, like a cloak of sadness that never lifts.” 
― Mary Potter Kenyon

Kisses and scratches Babydoll... Mama Luvs you....

(Separated 71 months ago today ~ but, 2163 days closer to seeing you again My Angel) 

LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1923 
Dear Nance,
Thank you so much for writing, I love what you said "Love goes beyond separation".... how true is that.  I'm so glad that your little Bedo came to visit you in a dream... that is awesome!  I hope Lee Lee will follow his lead and come see me tonight.

I hope that you and your sweet family are well... 
Hugs and a belated Happy Chinese New Year to you, and of course Angel Kisses for your little angels...
Hugs,
Melanie

~~~~

Dear Elise,
I love the image of Lee Lee gathering up pretties for all her siblings... she always did enjoy being in a crowd... and of course being the center of attention.  She was such a little ham.  Gosh I miss that about her - along with everything else.

I'm glad that you have Miss Shi there with you to bring you smiles - be sure to give her some scratches from me. I hope your Mom and all your family are having a good start to the new year.
Hugs,
Melanie

~~~~

Dear Donna,
Yes it is very hard to face another year without our angels.... you are right "time just goes on, but the hurt of not having them is always there".  

I do hope that Lee Lee will come to visit soon - and in a good way.  I've dreamt of her twice recently, but in the dreams she is lost.... and I wake in a panic.... it affects me for days after.

I hope you and Benji are doing well. Special kisses for sweet Angel Bella.
Hugs,
Melanie
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #1924 
Dear Melanie:

I love that quote that you posted.  So many people just "don't get it."  And I, personally, have given up trying to explain how we are still grieving after 5-1/2 years and a little over a year.  So I just remain silent about it with family and some friends because they just don't understand.

I thank God for this website and people who really do get it.  At least we have a sounding board where everyone understands.

I hope your precious Lee Lee has come to you in a dream or has left a sign for you.  Right after Christmas I was having a dream about Brandy almost every night and she was always running to me like she did with her ears flying in the breeze.  I have to think that she is happy with all her buddies at the bridge and wanted to tell me that.

Sending hugs to you and angel kisses to your sweet Lee Lee...

Barb (Angel Brandy's and Angel Miriam's mom and now mom to Bree)
~forever~
NancyMarie

Registered:
Posts: 1,170
 #1925 
Hi Melanie,

I love that quote and for the people that don't get it I would have to say they never loved and lost a piece of their heart,  thank you for sharing.

I haven't been on since the New Year, but today is my Smudgie's 5th anniversary and couldn't miss the chance to wish my beloved girl a beautiful anniversary and to also write about my sweet Calie who has now joined Smudgie and Jadie.  I've added some pictures of Jadie and Calie in my album.

I know Lee Lee's anniversary is also this month,  so I'm wishing her a beautuiful day with all of her Bridge Buddies and I hope she sends you a beautiful sign or comes to you in a dream my friend.  The years just keeping going by but it never gets easier.

I don't know if I ever told you but I love they way you end your posts to Lee Lee....so many days gone and so many days closer to being with her again.... I love that, it's so true,  as each day/year passes we are closer to seeing them again,  that brings me such comfort.

I browsed some of your posts and saw the picture of the 4 amigos, oh my goodness, what an adorable picture.....I am so sorry for your loss but as you said the 4 amigos are together again.  I feel that way about Jadie and Calie,  as much as I miss them it brings me a bit of comfort to know they are with Smudgie.  I feel so bad for my old girl Sparkie,  she so misses her sisters,  she gets along well with the kittens,  but I know she misses her older sisters.

Wishing you much love, peace, health and happiness my friend and beautiful signs/dreams of your precious girl Lee Lee.

Hugs,

Nancy,  Mom to Sparkie, Ollie, Jazzie, Angel Smudgie, Angel Jadie and new winged Angel Calie



EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,149
 #1926 
Dearest Angel Lee Lee, 

Happy 6th year anniversary at RB sweet girl! Wishing you lots of "pretties" from all your beautiful pals and delicious treats on this your special day and every day as you continue to make new friends and enjoy the beauty, peace and happiness of heaven. Please treat your Mama to a love sign or calming dream soon, as she knows you are always with her...ever watchful, loving and protective... 

I know you must be enjoying being back together with the other "Amigos"...have lots of fun today with all of your sweet friends! 

Dear Melanie, 

Thinking of you today dear friend...I hope you getting through OK, knowing you are one more precious day closer to the one reunion you long for the most. I pray that Lee Lee will be able to be with you in a "comfort dream" very soon, and that she will send you a special "L" sign...for the love that you share for each other that never ends. 

Lighting a candle in honor of your precious girl...

(((Hugs)))

Elise, mom to Shiloh and Angel Buddy
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1927 
Lee Lee My Angel....

We've been separated for 6 long years now... I miss you so....in a thousand different ways...  I think of you all the time, my mind speaks to you... I long for a sweet dream of you.  This is the 1st anniversary that I haven't seen a sweet sign from you..... so maybe tonight is the night.... please..

No one knows... I still save the oat clusters from my breakfast cereal for you... I can't bear to eat the same kind we used to eat together, so I found another one... and wouldn't you know - it has the oat clusters too... so I save them for you - they will always be yours.  There are a lot of things that I don't do anymore.... and things that I still do.... for you...

I made an excuse to take my own car to work today so I could leave early...  I got you some flowers for your spot... and I rode around the lake really slow with the windows down just like you loved... thinking about each area - the dogs that lived in each house... the places you liked to stop and smell - there were a lot.... the place where you always wanted to walk into the woods.... the big hill... the place where you could walk down to the water and wade around.... the "Y" in the road that you'd sometimes beg to take.. it added another mile to the walk.... I always let you decide whether to go that way or not....

It has taken a long time to write this.... I type a few words, my eyes fill up and I have to stop and gather myself....and start again.... it is still just so hard... and your Daddy doesn't know the struggle....  No one remembers.. and I don't say anything.... but, I will always remember you...

Kisses for the Sugar Spot ~ Scratches for the Tail Bone...

Mama Luvs you err and err.... Tell everyone I love them too..

(Separated 72 months ago today ~ but, 2191 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,723
 #1928 
Lee Lee, sorry I missed your 6 year anniversary of being at the bridge. I hope you were able to send your mom a sign, or a dream. I know she misses you so much. 

Melanie, you are right, no one knows the pain felt when a loved one is gone. We all have our rituals for them. For me, every night, I say good night to each and every one of them that I have lost through the years, and I always kiss Harry's picture at night. No matter how many years that passes by, it can never diminish the love, or the pain we feel. I think remembrance is different for every one. Yes, though I can talk about all the good times with Harry, I still feel sad, for those times are behind me, and can never happen again. All that is left are the memories. But, we were so lucky and blessed, for we are the ones with these special memories of our loved ones. I believe this song says it all.

 
The Dance
Looking back on the memory of 
The dance we shared beneath the stars above 
For a moment all the world was right 
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye 
And now I'm glad I didn't know 
The way it all would end the way it all would go 
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 
But I'd have to miss the dance 
Holding you I held everything 
For a moment wasn't I the king 
But if I'd only known how the king would fall 
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all 
And now I'm glad I didn't know 
The way

Yes, I would of loved to have missed the pain, but then, I would of missed the chance to know my Har Har, and you would of missed the chance to know your Lee Lee. So, the pain is worth knowing these beautiful souls, and I am sure you would do it all again, the same as I would. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, for I know how hard it is.

Brenda
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1929 
Lee Lee My Angel..... Another month closer....

Mama luvs you so and misses you more than there are words to write.

“You’d think I’d be used to this agony by now , but it always catches me off guard. Anyone who says grief fades over time is a liar. It never goes away. It just gets better at hiding. You never know when it’s going to spring out of the shadows and sucker punch you in the gut.” 
― Chelsea Sedoti

Today was one of those days.... my heart remains broken...

(Separated 73 months ago ~ but 2222 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)


Dear Barb, Nancy Elise and Brenda...
I so appreciate you lovely letters... I will write soon ~ its been a rather full month for me.  

Hugs My Friends...
Melanie

EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,149
 #1930 
Dear Melanie, 

So true are these words you shared...we just never know do we, when the grief...the sorrow and remorse will rear its ugly head and take us back to that dark place of utter and total loss...

Sometimes I realize "OK, I have to relive this"...it never seems to be a conscious choice...it just is. When I start to "go there" I try to switch to a happier memory of the closeness we shared...the little things he would always do that were so remarkable and endearing. I remember you mentioning that you didn't have many videos of Lee Lee...I have a few of Buddy and have been able to watch some of them. Sometimes seeing him as he was...so beautiful and full of life and love has been helpful, getting past the worst of it and other times it's done the opposite. It's a risk I take, just to see his beautiful self and his loving playful ways and if the tears come and the joy turns to sorrow...it's really nothing new...it just is... 

As you said, one month closer to your beloved Angel...

(((Hugs)))

Elise, mom to Shiloh and Angel Buddy
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1931 
Lee Lee My Angel,

Mama luvs you so much... you know.  I struggle daily to put on a happy face and be all things to all people.  But there is so little left...

Please find a way to send me a sign soon.... one that I can't mistake.  I miss you so...

Kisses for the Sugar and Scratches for the Tail Bone.


(Separated 6 years and 2 months ago today ~ but 2252 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1932 
Lee Lee My Angel,

Another month has come and gone...   I was so glad you were able to come to my dreams the other night.... it was so wonderful to see your sweet face again and to be able to touch you and watch you enjoying one of your sticks.... and even to get a little kiss from you like before.....  please come back soon... you know how I miss you... and live for those sweet touches from you - the feeling is the same - the sweetest presence in the world - you...

Kisses for the Sugar Spot and Scratches for the Tail Bone....

Mame Luvs you so...


(Separated 75 months ago today ~ but 2283 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,723
 #1933 
Melanie, I am glad to hear you got a dream visit from Lee Lee. They are so very special, aren't they? I hope you get another special visit. These are the signs we wait for, a sign that lets us know they are always close to us, and watching over us, our special guardian angels. I know that life can never be the same for us, and there will always be a spot in our heart that can only be filled with their love, but, we are so very blessed that we were able to have these angels by our sides, no matter how long. We were chosen to be their mom, and it is an honor no one can ever take from us. When I count my blessings at night, I always include the fact that I was loved by them, these special ones. The ones that love us, and expect nothing more than to be loved back.   
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,149
 #1934 
Dear Melanie, 

I'm so happy for you that sweet Lee Lee blessed you with a dream visit recently! I hope that she will come back very soon with the best "pretty" she could ever bring you...her sweetest self...

It is so wonderful when our babies are able to find their way back to us in dreams, even if only for a short while...dreams are my favorite sign. I've had a couple of dreams with Bud where I was able to touch him...hug him and give him kisses...and you're right, it is the best feeling in the world.

As Brenrae said so well...these are the precious signs we look for and wait for and when they come we have that renewed reassurance that they've never really left us...they never could and never would...

I hope you are well and Roger also. Do you have a trip planned for this summer or fall? 

Sending hugs your way...

Elise, mom to Shiloh and Angel Buddy 


LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1935 
Thank you my sweet friends.... I appreciate your lovely letters so much.  I've been having trouble logging into the PL site - but today I got in.  I hope to write soon and catch up with y'all.
Hugs, Melanie

Lee Lee My Angel,
I'm sorry I haven't been able to write here, but I know you are with me everywhere... I love all the tiny little signs you've been sending.... you know how I like little things.  Please don't stop....  I hope you can come to my dreams again soon.... I know you were there a few days ago because your daddy said I was calling for you as I slept.... but unfortunately, I can't remember that one.... please come again...

Mama loves you err and err...
Kisses for the sugar spot and scratches for the tail bone...

(Separated 6 years and 5 months ago ~ but 2344 days closer to seeing you again My angel)
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1936 
My sweet friends,
I'm so sorry..... I haven't written in ages... I just don't know where the time goes anymore... but I think of you all so much. I read your posts from the last few months - I have missed hearing from you....  And I wanted to send a note and catch you up.... This has been a very busy several months for me...  and I so appreciate all of your messages and kind words for me and My Lee Lee. As you know... the struggle continues... and I know for all  of you as well...

Roger had neck surgery in the spring (4 bulging disks)... and the recovery was tough on him. But thank God it was a success.... he had lost feeling in both arms and hands.... they were mostly numb but with pins and needles (like when your arm falls asleep at night).  After the surgery, he had difficulty swallowing for several weeks (they went in through the front of his throat) and couldn't do much of anything for 3 months.  He said it was well worth all the trouble he had with recovery though.... so that is good.  He ended up retiring in July, but is keeping busy catching up on chores around the house.

As usual, February - June  is super busy for me at the vet office with foaling season... so I was spread pretty thin for quite a while.  We are into the slower season with the horses now and I'm glad of that.  I recently started working four 10-hour days (until February) - and I love it.  It will be hard to go back to 5 days.  It is becoming more and more difficult for me there.... we are doing a lot of small animal work (dogs mostly, but some cats) and that is hard for me to be around.  They have worked with me in that I only do the invoicing and inventory for the horses.... another girl takes care of the small animal work.... I've been there 20 years now, so I'm trying to stick it out.

We have 3 trips planned for this year.... It is pretty much the only time I feel relaxed and a little more at peace.  I look forward to the trips so much because my Lee Lee always seems to send me some great signs.  She always loved to travel.... so I'm sure she is always "along for the ride". The first trip is coming up in a couple of weeks - Amtrak to California and 7 national parks.  It should be a good one. After that Washington DC in October, and then Tennessee in November.

My family is doing okay.... Mama is growing more frail... and is starting to forget things... that is hard to watch, but she still stays by herself and still cooks Sunday lunch and Monday dinner for all of us.... so we are thankful that she is able to be as active as she still is.

I still have just the two dogs Betty Jean and Licky that live at Mama's.... they are about 14 and 10 yrs old now....  and are slowing down.

Again, I'm so thankful for all of you that truly understand....I hope that each of you and your families are doing well... and I'm sending big hugs along with wishes for your peace and contentment.

I hold each of you and your sweet angels in my thoughts and prayers always,
Melanie
~Lee Lee's Mama~

LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1937 
Lee Lee My Angel,
Mama loves you so much.... I miss you so.... I wish every day that I could go back in time... but instead, I have to look forward... to the day I see you again.... You, Artie, Munch, Skinny, Bingo, Jae and all your other brothers and sisters... 

Today I can feel a bit of 'fall' in the air... you would be completely wild racing around outside in this cooler weather... chasing the squirrels... wiggling upside down in the grass and finding all sorts of 'pretties' to priss around with...

I'm so glad you were with us on our trip to California.... we saw a lot of beautiful new places and several places that you saw when we went before.  I saw places where you sat on benches... walked by rivers....  watched the squirrels....and that was hard for me.... many times I walked without seeing because of the tears in my eyes... You showed me lots of little "L"s and hearts... but the most beautiful thing I saw was your great big 'heart'....  I'd been asking you to send a huge one and you did.... it is perfect My Lee - it's even got a little "L" on it....Thank you..... it made my whole trip.   

Kisses and Scratches My Angel....
Mama Luvs you soooooo much....

(Separated 79 months ago today ~ but, 2405 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)

[IMG_2557]
brenrae

Registered:
Posts: 4,723
 #1938 
Melanie, I understand about the tears in your eyes. I get them when I do something that I had done when Harry was first here. This year, for the first time since Harry left, we are going to put up a big Christmas tree, and I am not sure how I am going to feel about that. I am thinking about buying a different skirt, and ornaments, for I am not sure that I can use the ones that I had when Harry was with us. Harry has been sending a lot of butterflies my way lately. They fly around me when I am outside. I am glad that Lee Lee finds a way to let you know she is with you. Lee Lee still walks with you on your adventures.
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,825
 #1939 
Hi Brenda,  
I get the Christmas tree thing.... I haven't put up a tree since Lee Lee left... haven't celebrated at all.... I just can't bring myself to do it... she loved it so... all her presents... seeing her people.  Anyway, I get it,... but, I like your idea of adding some new things.... the old ones hold so many memories.... good ones yes, but with missing him and sadness overshadowing... It is hard to believe it's almost that time of the year again....

I'm so glad to hear that your sweet boy Harry continues to send you butterflies... I know that means the world to you... just like Lee Lees signs mean to me.  They are such special little 'touches' from our angels...  

 ".... Lee Lee still walks with you on your adventures" ... that made me tear up...
Thanks for writing... it means a lot to me. 
Hugs,
Melanie

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