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ourbrandy

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Posts: 1,007
 #241 
Dear Melanie:

YOU are the blessing to me.  I finally took the time to read this whole post about your life with Lee Lee and the great love you two shared.  I enjoyed looking at all the pictures.  You are such a loving person and Lee Lee felt that love every day that she was with you.  I especially love the picture of you holding her like a baby.  She was your baby.  What a great thing you are doing rescuing all these dogs.

Just a question - do your other dogs give you some comfort?  I know that you and Lee Lee had something special and the reason I'm asking is because we are considering fostering dogs and I'm hoping it will give us some comfort and a purpose now that Brandy is no longer here.  We are both retired (well my husband is what you would call semi-retired) and have more time on our hands now.  I just feel we should do something for dogs that might need us.

I feel that you are a kindred spirit to me and a new friend.  I guess it's because most of everything you say about Lee Lee is the way I felt about Brandy.  She always had a way of knowing just how I felt, if I was sad she would try to get close to me and rain my face down with kisses.  If I was ill she just wanted to be near me to make me feel better.  It's so sad not to have that now. 

Thanks for listening and please keep up the posts about Lee Lee.  I will never tire of reading them.

((HUGS)) to you and beautiful Lee Lee.

Barb (Brandy's mom)
maxsMandD

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Posts: 1,270
 #242 
Happy 6th month Bridgeday LeeLee. You are such a caring person Melanie and your pictures and stories of LeeLee are wonderful. I hope you had a good day. LeeLee Visit your mom in a dream she misses you so much ((hugs ))  MaxsMandD
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #243 
Dear Sharon,
Thank you so much for reading about my baby - it means so much to me. And yes, you are right - it is good to be reminded, I want to be reminded too and never forget any little precious thing about my baby - even if it hurts - and some of it does. She so deserves to be remembered - they all do.  I know you are missing your babies Felix and Oscar so much, but they are watching after their dear Mom too - sending Sebastian to keep you company - such sweet angels they are.
Wishing you peace tonight.
Melanie


Dear Diann,
I'm so sorry for your pain, I know you are missing your angel - this is just the worst grief.  I understand how you feel - being afraid of losing or outliving another.  I have had many, many dogs Diann - but only one baby and there is a world of difference.  If you ever feel like your can embrace another and take that chance with your heart again - you might consider an older angel. Many are surrendered to shelters and would love to have a family for their golden years.  
I wish you all the best, Hugs...
Melanie


Dear Teresa,
Thank you so much Sweetie, what wonderful, comforting thoughts - and I know deep down that it is all true. Our angels are really ok and they do feel good again, and we will be together with them again one day - I just don't want to have to wait - but it is closer than it has been - isn't it?  I know you are missing your precious Marley just as much as I miss my Lee Lee - and you know this pain too - it is just so very hard, I have never felt such sorrow and longing.  Please know that your support and understanding means so, so much to me. 
Hugs, peace and comfort to you...
Melanie


Dear Barb,
Thank you for your very kind words and for taking the time to read about my baby. Yes, she was my sweet baby, that picture brings back such wonderful feelings of perfect joy, just holding my warm, sleeping little angel.

In answer to your question, it is a totally different relationship that I have with my six other dogs. Yes, Lee Lee was a dog, but, more importantly she was truly my child and I treated her that way.  They are my dogs, they do make me smile and I care for them and provide for their every need and always will - but it is not at all the same - the aren't "part" of me.  Personally, I will never have another like Lee Lee, I would not survive another loss like this - so I will not allow another that close to my heart - there will always be that distance there. But I will try to help as many as I can.

Barb, you are such a lovely, caring soul - I think any poor little angel would be so lucky and so grateful to enjoy your love and care should you decide to foster - there are so many that need help. Your sweet Brandy was incredibly fortunate to have you and your husband as her family. Let your heart be your guide, your heart and your precious Brandy and you will know what to do.  I wish you peace, my friend..
Hugs,
Melanie


Dear MaxsMandD,
I thank you so much for you sweet comments and Lee Lee thanks you too.  I do so hope she listens and comes to see me tonight - I need a visit so very much.  I send hugs back to you and wish you a peaceful night and a dream visit as well from your sweet little boy..
Melanie

ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #244 
Hi Melanie - I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing today.

Sometimes reading other people's posts gives me some comfort, but sometimes it just makes the tears flow again.  I guess that's just the way it will be.  I sometimes give thanks that Brandy passed the way she did, even though it was our decision.  We didn't have to see her go through anything traumatic - it was just very peaceful and that gives me some measure of peace.

It's kind of overcast here in Wisconsin today - kind of fits the mood of 9-11 and also my mood.  But I'm sure that Lee Lee and Brandy are enjoying romping together at the bridge.  Brandy seemed to get along good with most dogs.  And she always thought she was bigger than her 10 pounds.  My daughter had a Lab that was a gentle giant and he and Brandy were best buddies.  That's why I know she and Lee Lee are probably enjoying their time together.

I hope there are more rainbows to come for you and that Lee Lee will find another pretty to leave for you.

Take care my friend - ((HUGS)) to you and angel Lee Lee.

Barb (Brandy's mom forever)

LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #245 
Hi Barb,

Oh, it is just another day that I'm trying to muddle through - How are you getting by? You know, I feel the same way about the posts - I can hardly even get through some of them - it hurts me so bad to read the ones with really fresh, raw grief sometimes.  I guess it is because we know exactly how they feel, how much they are hurting.. yes?  I cry my way thru them and then I don't even know what to say to try to help - I have no words...

Yes, September 11 is a day that we will always remember, I hope this country never lets the memory of that horrible day fade away.  It is a beautiful day here in Louisiana, a bit hot, but sunny.  Lee Lee would have been begging to go out and bake in the sun.   I think that for those of us that "talk" to each other here - our babies also "talk" and are friends - at least that is what I believe.  So, I am certain that our girls are the best of friends now, hanging out together.

Lee Lee did show me a pretty, just yesterday - it was the neatest thing.  A perfect "heart" made from two pine cones.  I'll try to get a picture and post it in my albums tonight so you can see.  I was walking on our old route and I had just said to her that I needed "something" and a little while later there this heart was.  She always finds a way to show me that she is around and listening. 

Barb, thank you so much for checking on me today, it really means a lot to me. I hope you have a good evening and maybe your sweet little Brandy will visit your dreams.  

Hugs...
Melanie




diannblack

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Posts: 70
 #246 
Hi Melanie
Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks, it seems increadible to think she has been gone so long. I'm been thinking about my brother and his dog Nod. Liffey loved them both. I know my brother would be feeling bad, he loved her nearly as much as I did, and it was his stupid decision that caused this accident. Poor Nod has been with out his best friend for 2 very long weeks. So I'm going to get the strength from somewhere to drop in after work tomorrow and spend some time with Nod while my brother is at work. I brought a beautiful wind chime, that has a soft chime, for my brother. I wrote on the card love from Liffey....I know she would have forgiven him, I have too but I don't think he has forgiven himself.
I have a doggy chew and some meat for Nod.
I need to do something positive....I want to try to help us all.
So I suppose I will be crying a lot tomorrow afternoon.
If I am not getting a sign from Liffey perhaps it's because I need to do something for her first.
I hate milestones, 2 weeks, then 3 weeks I just don't want to think about that.
Your my inspiration
Diann
sharkey905

Registered:
Posts: 284
 #247 

Oh Melanie
What a beautiful sign from LeeLee--a heart shaped pine cone...

I told Rambo last night that I am going to stop asking him for signs or to visit in my dreams (I only had those 2 nights of dreams) I have asked every day a few times a day since he left us (102 days)... so I told him I remember how stubborn he could be sometimes, lol, (If he didnt want to do something,,you couldnt change his mind)so I am going to try to stop asking for a bit to see if that helps,,,,I have even told him that if he doesnt want to send me a sign,,,maybe he could send someone a sign,,,just so I know hes okay.
 And you are so right,it is so hard sometimes to read the new posts,,,remembering how we felt the first few days after our babies left (not that its that  much better now)  Also, sometimes reading the older ones,,,the ones whose babies have been gone for years,,,bothers me even more.... right now I cant even imagine how we will feel if 5 or 10 years...
I hope you are doing okay today,,,,
Hugs,
Sue
Rambo's Momma

LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #248 
Hi Diann,
I feel for you, these anniversaries are so hard, they truly do make it even more difficult to get thru the day, even though it is really only just another day without our angels, just like the ones before.

What a lovely gesture for your brother, I'm sure you are right in that he is still feeling awful about what happened - maybe the chime and card from Liffey will help him some. And Nod will be so glad to see you, they don't understand why their friend has disappeared and that is sad, isn't it.  I so admire you for reaching and trying to help them heal when you are so very heartbroken.

Diann, don't give up on receiving a sign - my first sign from Lee Lee came at 50 days - and I had almost given up -  her latest pretty for me is in the album. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, I hope you can find peace and comfort for your aching heart.  Hugs and strength to you...

Melanie
MarleyBarley

Registered:
Posts: 685
 #249 
Hello everyone,

I hope today is better for you. I've been a bit better, not crying all day and tearing up at the slightest thing.  I agree, Malanie, it's hard to read the new posts and listen to their stories about losing their pets. It brings back the pain and all of the raw grief. And just like you, I can't find the words through the tears to help them. This is all so hard and so heart wrenching.

Keep positive, and always remember there is a gold thread that reaches from our hearts to the hearts of our beloved babies. We are always connected, we will see each other again and until then, we can feel the ever present love that comes daily back and forth on that thread.


Love and hugs to you all,

Teresa, Marley's mom.
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #250 
Hi Melanie:

What a beautiful "pretty" that Lee Lee left for you.  That's so incredible.  We still walk the same route every night too.  Brandy was so used to her routine and by 6:30 at night she was ready to walk!  It's just not the same now, but we do it anyway.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th and it will be the 2 month anniversary of Brandy's passing.  I know it will be hard.  Sometimes it seems that it just happened yesterday and then other days it feels like it was ages ago.  I wonder if dogs have any sense of time.  We used to wonder when we had to leave her to go somewhere if she realized how long we were gone.  She greeted us the same though if we were gone 10 minutes or a few hours.  We tried not to leave her alone for too long - she just didn't like being left behind.

I'm leaving in a little while to take care of 2 grandsons when they get home from school.  I don't do it too often but it's a nice diversion.  Last week when I went to pick up the youngest from preschool (his name is Zachary) he had a big smile on his face when he saw me, but then said "I heard Brandy died."  His little eyes went down and he looked sad.  He's a rough and tumble kind of kid but was always super gentle with Brandy and had a special connection with her.  He kept asking to look at my locket that I wear with Brandy's picture and a lock of her hair.

It's funny how the littlest thing can bring me a bit of peace and comfort these days.

I hope you are having a good day today - take care of yourself.

((HUGS))
Barb
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #251 
Ok Ladies - group hug...


Sue,
I'm so glad you liked Lee Lee's pretty - It sure did make me smile when I saw it - I had just said to her that I needed something, you know, and just a little way further on, there it was - right in the road.  I just knew it was from my baby. 
You made me laugh - about Rambo being stubborn, Lee Lee has a little stubborn streak too.  If something was our idea, maybe she'd want to, or maybe not  - but if it was her idea - she just wouldn't give up on it until she got her way - she had a stare that we used to call "The Look".  I'm sure Rambo is just waiting for the perfect time (his time) to visit you again - he doesn't feel or think he's been away from you but a minute or two, but it sure is hard for us to wait isn't it.  I've only had the one dream visit from my girl - I would love another.  
I know what you mean, getting through just six months has been near impossible for me - thinking about that many years just blows my mind right now. Maybe tonight is the night...

Teresa,
I'm so glad you've had a better day, I know how very exhausting it is, trying to "hold it together" - to feel a slight relief is so welcome isn't it. I am doing a bit better also, all these anniversaries and work have been dragging me backward.  I don't know if I have mentioned it before in a post, but I work in a vet clinic (mostly horses) managing medical records and drug inventory, and sometimes it just gets to me - the things I have to read.  But I am attempting to keep positive and look ahead instead of behind. I noticed that you enjoy horses too.
Thank you so much for the reminder of the golden thread - I needed that. I've been meaning to ask you - how is your dear Maddie doing? - Okay I hope and pray - I know you have a lot of worry along with your grief. 

Barb, 
Thanks, I think it is my favorite "pretty" so far - I put it with the other things, feathers etc. to keep forever. Your locket sounds so pretty, are you able to post a photo? I agree about the "little things" too.
About the sense of time, I used to swear that Lee Lee could tell time.  Every day at work, she "knew" when lunch time came - she was ready for her snack and a walk. And every day near quitting time, she would get up and come and stare at me as if to say "OK Mom, it is time to go, what is the hold up?"  I never could figure out how she knew.  As for now, I don't believe they feel "time" in the same way we do - I don't think they feel like they've been there long at all - just long enough to enjoy exploring and making some new friends and then we will arrive to be with them - that thought gives me great comfort - that they don't miss us like we miss them.  
I will have you in my thoughts tomorrow Barb, - I know it will be a difficult day for you to go thru - I wish you peace.
 
Thank you Ladies, you mean so much to me, I hope each one of you can feel that. I appreciate your support so much. Wishing you all peace and comfort in the memories of your angels...
Melanie
~always Lee Lee's Mama~


LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,826
 #252 
Do you want....?

Lee Lee, I remember...

... how excited  you would get when you heard those three little words.  It didn't matter what words followed them - you'd go absolutely crazy after just "Do you want...? You knew they meant something wonderful, fun, exciting was about to happen.  You'd start dancing in place, a big smile on your face, then jumping up in the air, whining, talking, your tail would be wagging furiously, you'd be racing around inside the house - you'd jump on the couch, jump down, race to the door, put your feet up on the door and turn around to look at us, race back into the kitchen to see if we were coming, make a lap thru the dining room, and back to the door, feet up again.  You were totally out of control, talking all the while,  "I'm ready, I'm ready, Hurry Mom!, Hurry!!, Hurry!!, Come on let's go, I'm ready, Time to Go"  Just beside yourself with anticipation - we'd have a time getting you to settle down enough to slide the collar on and hook up the leash....such a happy girl!!!  

Do you want... to go outside?
Do you want... to go for a walk?
Do you want... to go in the car?
Do you want... to go see Granny?

Sometimes I'd say them reaaalllly slow just to see the anticipation building - Do.......You........Want.......???  -  I'd be laughing the whole time - you were just so sweet.   I could go on and on.  I don't think of those three little words anymore without remembering the complete and utter joy on your little face. Such a happy little Angel.

Kisses and Scratches Baby Doll.... Mama luvs you err and err...

[leelee15]
Walking - her favorite!

(Separated 27 weeks today - but, 189 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #253 
Hi Melanie:

Thanks for the group hug - I really needed that today.  You will never know how much your support means to me.

I loved that last post about "Do you want to".  It's amazing how they can understand us so well.  Our phrase was "do you want to go with?"  It didn't matter where we were going, Brandy was only happy to know she was "going with."

There is such a big hole in our lives now.  I hope that when we get back from our vacation in October we will be able to make some decisions about fostering.  My husband wants to put it off until the Spring, but I just need someone to "mother" pretty soon.

Take care and I wish you a day with beautiful memories of Lee Lee to help you through.

((HUGS back))
Barb
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #254 
Hi again Melanie - I added a picture of the locket and tag under my profile.

I KNEW we were kindred spirits.  It's so neat that you work at a vet clinic.  And I have loved horses and ridden them since I was a little girl (a long time ago).

Barb
MarleyBarley

Registered:
Posts: 685
 #255 
Hi Melanie,
It's always so good to talk to you. Thank you for asking about Maddy. She is doing ok. I hate to say that, I'm afraid I'll jinks it (knock on wood). She is being her 14 1/2 year old self. Her appetite is good, her tumor is growing slowly and her arthritis is bad some days and better on others. She gets supplements and some Chinese herbs and I think these help. I am thankful for each day. Sometimes I feel like I can't be there 100% for her because I'm grieving for Marley so. Life can be so unfair, my two sweet girls in such a short time. I still have Seamus who is 10 and I pray daily that he is healthy and can be with me for a few more years. I can't even consider bringing a new puppy into our home with Maddy at her age and her health. So one day at a time, I put one foot in front of the other and carry on with my very broken heart.
sharkey905

Registered:
Posts: 284
 #256 
Melanie

I totally missed the part about the group hug...I think thats what we all need right now...I know its definately something I need...When Rambo first left a few people hugged me....a lady on the next street that we walked by every day...and a couple of the customers who shop in the store I work at...and you know,,, right now I could really use a few more
I love your post about the "do you want"  Rambo was the same...if you said "do you want" before anything he would get excited... the other saying he would freak out about was if you said "where's....daddy  or where's...auntie....or where's....stephanie....When I said where's ....whoever...he would get go crazy....we live in a complex...so we have 5 levels....and as soon as I said that,,he would go crazy and have to look out every window....he would go back and forth from dining room window,, living room window----the funny thing is those 2 are on the same side of the house 
Sue
Rambo's Momma
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #257 
Good evening Ladies,
Could you hear me screaming at this crazy computer?  This is my 4th attempt - 2 crashes and an internet connection failure.

Barb, 
I hope today has been a little easier for you, I know yesterday was hard. It is amazing how many words and phrases thy know isn't it?  We had to start spelling some words and substituting words - like stroll instead of walk.  Yeah- another horse lady - I've had them most of my life though I don't ride much anymore. We do plan to ride in a few weeks on vacation in Tennessee.  I hope you have a good night, hugs...

Teresa,
I'm glad to hear that she is doing okay.  I wish you lots more precious time with her and with Seamus.  I understand a little about what you say - Lee Lee left March 8th and on April 4th my old girl Jae passed.  She was 14-15yrs old, not sure really - she was an adult when she came to us over 12yrs ago.  My poor sweet Jae didn't get all the grieving she so deserved because I had just lost my baby. I felt like I was on autopilot as I cared for her that last month.  I'll always feel sad about that.  I know it is hard for you - I have you and your girl in my prayers.  Hugs

Sue,
I hope you are feeling a little peace tonight.  I'd give you a big hug if I could, but the best I can do is a cyber hug ((((Sue)))).  A hug from someone who has been where you are is just special - at least to me - the empathy is there along with sympathy.  I can just picture your Rambo running back and forth looking for his visitors - Lee Lee always thought everyone that came to the house came special to see her.  We would always ask her "Who is that?" and she'd go nuts - like your Rambo.  Take care of yourself...

Wishing each of you peace, comfort and a dream visit from your babies tonight...
Melanie
rammch1

Registered:
Posts: 1,779
 #258 
Melanie,

I loved your story about "Do You Want". It brought back many memories for me, because I used to do the same thing to my guys and still do with my Sophie. Our babies really knew how to make us laugh. Lee Lee's picture really shows how happy she was on her walks. She is a beautiful angel!!!!!

I'm glad that Lee Lee and Bee don't have to worry any more about those awful thunder storms.

Take Care,
Rosalie - Bee & Toby's Mom
MarleyBarley

Registered:
Posts: 685
 #259 
Hi Melanie,
 I'm so sorry to hear you also lost Jae, it's so hard isn't it? Today is the 4 month anniversary of Marley's passing. It's not a good day. When will this heart ache end?

I am also a horsewoman. We have 3 quarter horses, we don't ride any more as my girl, Kate, is in her late 20s. so they are retired and are loving it.

Hope your day is a good one. Tell us more about Jae.

hugs to you and LeeLee,
Teresa
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #260 
Rosalie,
Thank you so much for reading Lee Lee's story, your sweet comments mean so much to me.  I miss all the "little" things she used to do so much, I try to find comfort in writing about them, recording my memories, remembering the smiles...   

I hope you are doing ok... and yes, no more storms. With thoughts of our angels,
I wish you peace...
Melanie



Teresa,
You are having a difficult day today I know - the anniversaries, no matter which one, are so very hard.  When will it end? - I don't know - it seems like it is here to stay doesn't it?  But I really believe that eventually, we will feel some relief from this terrible pain - it has to ease up at some point.  I hesitate to say we will feel better, because I don't think I will ever stop missing my baby and wanting her back, but different somehow, more at peace maybe...

We have two paint horses left - we don't ride them anymore either - they just hang out in the pasture.

I appreciate your words for my old Jae, she was a good girl, never caused a minute's trouble. She was a very sweet, gentle, loving old dog - I miss seeing her sitting there reaching her foot out - wanting someone to pet her.  She was old and just worn out - and letting her go on was hard but it was right.

I have you in my thought today, hugs...
Melanie


DarrenS

Registered:
Posts: 156
 #261 
Hi Melanie

Just read the "Do You Want" it made me smile  I can just picture the joy, excitement, and happiness in LeeLee at the sound off does three little words.
It brought back memories for me to off things I would say to my Spencer, it's so good that we can share the stories of our furbabies.
Hope you are doing good, and you and LeeLee are always in my thoughts my friend take care.

DarrenS
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #262 
Darren,
Thanks for stopping in to read Lee Lee's story, I'm glad you could picture her joy - she was such a happy little girl.  I hope today brings peace to you...

Melanie 
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #263 
My Dearest Little Lee Lee,

It has been a little cooler in the early mornings and late afternoons, I can feel fall in the air from time to time - you would love it My Angel.  It hurts my heart so much to think about how you would have enjoyed being outside right now....my first fall without you...

We always looked forward to this time of year didn't we Baby, taking those extra long walks that you loved so much and having more time to lay in the grass and enjoy the sunshine.  Your Daddy and I would sit in the swing and you would explore the yard, chasing the squirrels, hunting lizards and bringing pretties for us.  Then you'd lay in the grass sunning or chomping a chew stick - or sometimes you'd hop up and sit with us a little while.  

This was always my favorite time of the year, vacation right around the corner, holidays just a couple of months away - but nothing is the same now and it will never be the same, it holds no meaning for me anymore. I don't know if there are seasons in heaven or not - I like to imagine that all four seasons are happening there all the time - just in different areas. That there is summer in one place for the babies that like to be warm and bake in the sun, winter for the ones that love the snowy, cold weather, and spring and fall too. But for sure, it is perfect however it is, and you are happy, and for that I am grateful.

My heart is very, very heavy with the missing of you, that constant ache is always with me and as hard as I try - I find no rest for my mind.  I just long for you with every fiber of my being, every little thing is a reminder of you, the sun, the rain, a song, the car, your spot on the couch, the grass, a flashlight, ice cubes - everything....  Lee Lee, my little Angel, I love you so much and miss you more with every passing day. Please try to visit my dreams when you can....

Kisses and Scratches Baby Doll....Mama loves you err and err.... 


[image] photo df80ce90-e4c8-4c53-8086-b19d597e7d92_zps253cdbdd.jpg
           Lee Lee bringing a "pretty"

(Separated 28 weeks ago today - but, 196 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
sharkey905

Registered:
Posts: 284
 #264 
Oh Melanie
 This time of year is hard isnt it... and its exactly the reason... our beautiful furbabies loved to be outside more this time of year,, I know Rambo hated the summer heat and humidity...We would do our longer walks early in the morning and then just small ones during the heat....but this time of year,, he would want to be outside all the time. and truly think thats what been bothering me so much lately
And its funny you mentioned the different season,, the other night, when I said goodnight to Rambo, I talked to him about the weather at Rainbow Bridge.. I said I know its the perfect temperature( fall) just the loved it and an area where there is snow where you can do your snow plow imitation..He used to put his head under the snow and slide forward..it was the funniest thing
Just thinking of the holidays makes me physically sick right,,and the worst for me, right now,,is Halloween..We used to dress Rambo up and he would go out and see his friends and, yes, get some treats.so going in stores right now with all the halloween stuff has been hard
.And Christmas...his was the first presents I would buy and I would always buy little things for my brother and sister and father from Rambo..its going to be hard
I know, that this forum will help us get through the holidays and hopefully we can all start to feel a little better,,,well, here's hoping anyway
Take care
(hugs)
Sue
Rambo's Momma
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #265 
Hi Melanie:

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that picture of Lee Lee bringing you a pretty.  I can see why you loved her so much, she is such a beautiful dog with a beautiful soul.  I know how much you miss her and how hard the fall is going to be.  As I've said, Brandy loved the fall too - she would get so frisky and just want to go, go go.

It's a different world for us now.  One that for me I just try to take day by day.

And Sue, I know what you mean Halloween and Christmas will both be bad.  Brandy used to like to bark at all the trick or treaters.  In fact when we said the trick or treaters are coming, she would start to bark even before they were at the door.  We always dressed her up in a little costume too.  And tried hard not to let her escape out of the front door when someone came for treats.  And Christmas, oh my that will be hard.  Do we still hang up her stocking from the mantle with no treats or toys inside?  And the presents she used to love opening.  I just can't even bear to think of it.

We will just have to support each other I guess the best we can - take care and bless you both and Rambo and Lee Lee.

Barb
Brandy's mom ~forever~
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #266 
Hi Sue and Barb,
First let me say I'm sorry for the delayed response - I've had problems with my internet connection - I have a new wi-fi device so hopefully it will be ok now. 

Thank you both very much for your support and your sweet comments for my baby. (That photo is one of my favorites - she was making "sweet eyes" ) This is just so difficult for all of us - I find myself at a loss for words.  I am trying to make some progress, only to be knocked flat again.  I'm sure that the season change is some of my setback, but after autumn comes Christmas, after Christmas and winter comes spring and March that I now hate.  It seems I have a ways to go... 

Sue, I can just picture your Rambo doing the snow plough thing.  We don't have much snow here - but Lee Lee enjoyed it when we did - racing around, biting at it and she would poke her nose in it too.  She didn't quite know what to make of it.

I never got to dress Lee Lee up for Halloween - I always wanted to, but her Daddy said No - she wouldn't like it.  She did love to bark at all the little kids that came to the door - Barb, we too had to watch to make sure she didn't escape when we opened the door - she was very fast. 

And Christmas....Oh Ladies - I can hardly even think about it, it makes me sick too.  Lee Lee was just like a kid - she just loved all the excitement and the presents.  She could hardly wait for time to open the presents and just like a kid she'd rip the paper off, priss around with it for a minute or two and then start begging for another one to open.  We always had a lot for her to open, because she loved it so much. It will never be the same will it....

Barb, I'm not sure what to say about the stocking for your Brandy - for me, I just know that I can't do it this year - I just last weekend told my family that I wouldn't be participating in the "gift giving" this year.  There was no response, not one word of understanding - total silence, I guess I made them all mad...Oh well - I'm not sure, we may even go out of town for a day or two.

Barb and Sue, I hope you both know how much your support means to me, I know you both understand all too well how hard this is to go through. You are both right - all we can do it try to be there for each other thru this nightmare. I hope that you are both are doing ok - feeling a little peace today.

Blessings and hugs to both of you dear, dear ladies and kisses to your precious babies.

Gratefully, Melanie

(Sorry, I didn't start out to write a novel)
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #267 
Hi Melanie:

Those darn computers - they can frustrate at times, can't they?

It's amazing to me how healing it can be to talk to you and Sue about our babies.  I don't know what I would have done without you.

I kind of wish we could go away for Christmas too this year, but I know I would never hear the end of it from my kids and grandkids.  As for your family not saying anything about you not participating in the gift giving, some things just have to go by the wayside and if people don't understand, you can't worry about it.  You just have to do what's best for you.  We're even debating the Christmas tree thing.  We always get a live tree and even before this happened to Brandy we had talked about getting an artificial tree this year.  It's just such a hassle sometimes getting it in and out the front door.  And then there are all the ornaments with Brandy's name on them.  Oh my gosh, I forgot about the ornaments.  That will really hurt.  Maybe we can just fast forward from Thanksgiving to the new year.

I'm hoping for both you and I that our upcoming vacations will help a little.  I really don't know what to expect.  It will be the first extended vacation we've taken in a while and I know it will bring back memories of Brandy coming to North Carolina with us.  Oh well, deep breath.....

Have a peaceful Sunday (both of you).  Many hugs going out to you and Sue and your angels.

Barb
sharkey905

Registered:
Posts: 284
 #268 
Barb
I wish we could just skip over Christmas this year,,,I would be fine staying in my room looking through pictures of Rambo and of course,, crying
I am not sure if we will put the tree up this year either...I never had any ornaments with Rambo's name on it,,,so thats a big issue with me right now....same as I wished we had gotten a family portrait done with the 3 of us and him....I am going to get a in memory ornament -or a couple- for sure
I hope your vacation goes well,,and just remember that Brandy will be with you in your heart...
Sending love and comfort
Sue
Rambo's Momma
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #269 
Hi Ladies,
I'm hoping you both are having a good Sunday. I'm sorry for my down mood - I've pulled myself back together and today is better. Thanks for putting up with me.

I agree - maybe we could just skip a few months, but, sadly we can't - sometimes I feel like I'm wishing my life away.  Decorating for Christmas was always a big deal for me, and I have always put up a big tree, but I'm going to sit this year out. Thanks Barb, I know that my family just doesn't understand - it will be ok.  The gift thing has been issue for me for a while - it has gotten a little out of hand and I just can't deal with it right now. I just know this is what I have to do for me. I hope that whatever you both decide to do (or not do) for the holidays, that it will be a peaceful time for you and your families. 

Sue, you mentioned a family portrait, there are places that can sometimes merge photos together and make them look like they were taken that way. Or if not a photo, maybe an actual painting of the three of you from a couple of your favorite pictures.  I don't have a good one of the three of us either, I was usually behind the camera so I'm going to look into it myself.  Just a thought...

Barb, I hope you are right about our vacations, I hope that once we get there it sill be a distraction for us and we'll actually enjoy it and it won't be as hard as we think.  North Carolina is a beautiful state - we've spent some time there on several occasions. 

Hugs to both you sweet ladies today, wishing you special angel visit dreams tonight...

Melanie



diannblack

Registered:
Posts: 70
 #270 
Hi Melanie
Yesterday I felt like just screaming it's just not fair....it isn't and there is no logical reason for what happened. I keep owing over and over her life did I do the wrong thing, no I didn't I really give her the best life I could. Which makes it worse in a way as I couldn't keep her safe. I think about getting another puppy....but I keep coming back to the same thought, I don't want another puppy I want Liffey.
I had hoped I would feel a bit more positive now but I don't, I have to get out of this chair to go to work, I don't want to go.....I'm crying of course.
I hope LeeLee is keeping Liffey in line and safe.
I hope your feeling a bit better
Diann.
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #271 
Hi Melanie and Sue -

This Sunday has been going pretty good.  At least it's a nice, sunny and crisp Fall day here in Wisconsin.  It seems that when it's grey and gloomy my mood gets grey and gloomy too.  Don't ever feel sorry for a down mood, Melanie, we all have them for sure.

I meant to tell you two about the snow here and Brandy.  We sure do usually get plenty of it here and when it gets so deep that Brandy had a hard time going out and walking around my husband would snow blow the driveway and then make little paths for her all along the yard, kind of like a maze.  She would love running in the snow and making her way down the paths, but it always seemed like she would stray from the path and find the deepest snow to go do her business.  Go figure!  We had a little coat we would put on her when it got really cold out and all we would have to do is get the coat and she would be ready to go.  We even tried to get her those little boots for her feet (this was many years ago).  She would have none of that!  The boots were off in less than 30 seconds.

We have a little ceramic tree and maybe we'll just put that up this year. I guess we'll just play it by ear and see what happens.

It seems like things that seemed so important in the past just aren't that important any more.  Do you feel the same?

We have a couple of pictures of the 3 of us, but not many.  As you said Melanie, I was usually the one behind the camera.  We had a picture taken at church a few years ago and we brought Brandy with for the portrait.  Guess who looked the best in the picture - if you guessed Brandy, you are right!  The two of us didn't take a very good picture, but Brandy looked straight at the camera and looked like she was smiling. Sue, there's so much they can do with photos these days I'm sure you could have someone do one of the 3 of you.

Hugs to both of you and wishes for a good week ahead.

Barb

sharkey905

Registered:
Posts: 284
 #272 

Melanie and Barb
thank you both for that wonderful idea.. I am going to look into getting a picture done for sure...Actually I bet my daughters friends( whos just starting out in photography)  Shes the one who did the pictures of Rambo in April when we found out about his lymphoma.. I bet she would be able to do that... I will have to find pictures that she can use.. I dont have many of me....I hate having pictures done....but I will find some that we can use
I absolutely feel the same ..that nothing is important any more....that I am just going thru the motions of life
Hugs to both of you,,and to your beautiful furbabies
Sue
Rambo's Momma

LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #273 
Dear Diann,
I completely understand - all our terrible losses feel so unfair - we all feel cheated - even those whose babies lived to be much older - everyone of us wanted more time. Lee Lee was 8-1/2 - younger than some and older that some - it was not nearly long enough for me - but even if my baby had lived 30 years - it wouldn't have been long enough.  

You know Diann, some people are ready sooner than others for a new addition - I think you'll feel in your heart when the time is right for you.  But your Liffey will never be replaced - that angel is one of a kind.  Rest assured, Liffey and Lee Lee and all their friends are safe and happy, waiting on that grand reunion.

I hope you have an okay day at work - I know it's hard. Be patient with yourself and your grief, it takes time and it really hasn't been that long for you, even though it seems like forever. I wish you peace and comfort.
Hugs,
Melanie

LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #274 
Dear Barb and Sue,

Well Ladies, another weekend is almost over - they are the hardest days for me. It will be a busy work week for me, but that is a good thing.

Barb, I can just picture your little Brandy running down the snow paths - your husband was a dear to make the maze for her.  I bet you guys do have an awful lot of snow up there - it is so beautiful, but I am not comfortable driving in it at all. When I was a kid we had almost a foot of snow one year and my Chihuahua, Friskie jumped off the bottom porch step into the snow and there he was, just stuck there - legs straight down - up to his belly - we laughed so hard.  Lee Lee had a coat and some boots too - she loved them - there is a funny story about the day she got the boots - I'll try to write about it one day.

Yes, I absolutely agree with you both - things that used to be SOOOO important are so insignificant now.  I feel like a totally different person - I don't even recognize myself at times.  

I always hated to have my picture made too - but now I wish I had some with Lee Lee - I thought I'd get it done one day you know - you always think there will be more time.  Sue, I'm sure your daughter's friends will be able to make just the perfect portrait for you - those photos of Rambo were just beautiful. Let us know what they say...

Take care my friends, hugs, peaceful thoughts and days ahead...
Melanie
diannblack

Registered:
Posts: 70
 #275 
Hi Melanie
Thank you for you kind thoughts. Your story about Friskie made me smile. My sisters dog Spike, who was a small toy poodle used to dig really big holes in the garden sometimes we could only see the tip of her white tail. My sister would also take her surfing, hiking anywhere she went really. Spike went to university classes, to the cinema, when my Dad was sick Spike went to the hospital ....she just knew when she had to be quiet, its like she was in on all our wild ideas. dogs are such incredible animals. No wonder we all love them, as I have said before it's like we see colour and those who haven't experienced the love of a furry friend can only see in black and white. Our furry friends were the colour in our lives, and once you have seen colour who would want to go back to a black and white world.
Thank you Melanie and thank you LeeLee.
Love
Diann
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #276 
Diann,
A hole digging, surfing, hiking, movie watching, student, toy poodle named Spike - now that is something else!! Spike sounds like an amazing angel - thanks for the smiles.
Hope you have a good day today with peaceful thoughts of your sweet Liffey.

Melanie
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #277 
Hi Melanie and Sue:

How are y'all doing today?  I'm practicing my Southern drawl for vacation time :=)

I've been busy all day yesterday and today so haven't had a chance to write until now.  Somehow the days that I'm busy at least I can keep my mind off of the sorrow for a little while.

Last night we went for a walk on a trail that surrounds a lake.  We used to go there every once in a while with Brandy.  It's a long walk for a little dog, but those little legs carried her so well for 17 years.  We couldn't really "power walk" with her along because there were lots of new smells there so she had to stop every few feet to sniff.  It brought back good memories along with the sad ones though.  Every time we walk out the back door and see her leashes hanging there it just stabs me in the heart, but I can't seem to move them or put them away.

We still do the candlelight ceremony (well, our own really, we don't follow along in the chat room) on Monday nights.  At 9:00 we light the candles and talk to Brandy.  It's healing in a lot of ways.  I've always loved the glow from candles and especially now in the Fall with all the beautiful scented candles there are.

I hope the two of you are finding some peace and comfort.  It sure helps to have both of you to talk to about our angels.

Take care and have a good evening....

Barb
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,826
 #278 
Hi Barb.

Your drawl sounds just about right there Ma'am - You'll fit right in.  

I've been busy too, my work has been just ridiculous this week - I have monthly statements going out on the 26th - and of course everyone waits 'til the last minute to give me all their records.  But, like you said - it helps to be busy.

Your description of your walks with Brandy sound so familiar - we also walk around a lake(about 2 miles) where we live, and like your girl, Lee Lee stopped every few feet to smell and she would "mark" her territory just like a boy dog. So that 2 miles took a long time to cover. 

This afternoon I picked some "flowers" (really I guess they are weeds) - goldenrods, for her grave and there was a ladybug on there.  I hadn't seen one is a long time - they have some symbolic meaning I think - when you see one.  And I saw two random pictures of rainbows tonight on two friends facebook pages - I dismissed the first one, but when I immediately saw another one - I feel like it was meant for me  - a sign from Lee Lee.  I was talking to her earlier this afternoon and asked her if she could send me something.  It helps to think that she listens - I guess I'm a little crazy.

I guess we have to find a little comfort where we can, yes?  I wish I could do the Candlelight Service more often, but we are almost always at my Mother's on Mondays - it is kind of "family night" - she cooks dinner for us and my brother's family.  It has become a bittersweet time for me - one of us is missing now. But you are right - it is good to be able to talk about our babies here with friends who understand.

I went just today to your and Sue's albums and looked at your babies again - they are both just so precious.  I'd love to see more of them sometime if you want to share - I feel like I almost "know" them now.

I hope Wednesday is peaceful for you both - hugs...
Melanie



sharkey905

Registered:
Posts: 284
 #279 
Barb
Thanks for asking. The last 2 days havent been too bad. Been working a few extra hours, so that helps..And as horrible as it sounds, I think knowing Bear is leaving at the end of next week helps,, like I have said it was way too early for me to take care of a dog.. Ya, I find the candle ceremony very comforting.. Didnt attend this past Monday...been so tired lately, its unbelievable..Been going to bed early and sleeping in later.
I hope you have a wonderful time on your vacation.. 
Melanie
I am so happy for you  that you are getting so many signs from LeeLee.... You know they have a Candle Ceremony on the second Sunday of each month as well...and if you go on the candle ceremony information...there is actually the words to the ceremony that you can read along to on your own time...I may start doing that at random times...rather than waiting til 10 oclock Monday nights
And thank you for looking my Rambo's pictures again..it means alot to me. I would love to post some more and I will as soon as I can
Hope you both have a good day
Sue
Rambo's Momma
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,007
 #280 
Hi Melanie and Sue -

Sue, I finally had a chance to look at all of Rambo's pictures.  What a handsome fellow he is!  He reminds me so much of my daughter's first Lab, Buddy who was great friends with Brandy.

I added some new pictures to my profile and most of them are from a trip to North Carolina in the month of October 2011.  Very fond memories of time spent together.  If I close my eyes I can picture the 3 of us there right now.  It was a wonderful month together and Brandy did so well for the 12 hour ride there and a month in a place she had never been before.  I'm so glad we were able to do that.

Melanie - I think that ladybug was definitely a sign from Lee Lee.  I think ladybugs are supposed to be good luck so Lee Lee was definitely thinking of you.  Sometimes I think weeds make the best flowers.  I love picking Queen Anne's Lace to add to a wildflower bouquet.  I'm sure your baby loved the goldenrods you picked.

I had a dream last night and Brandy was in the dream, but for some reason I couldn't see her.  I could just feel her presence because I had her leash in my hand and she was on the other end of the leash, but in the dream I couldn't actually see her.  Kind of weird isn't it? 

Wishing you both a good evening and peace and comfort in the days ahead.

((HUGS))
Barb
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