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Bedomom

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Posts: 1,434
 #521 
LeeLeesMama:
It is really my pleasure to come to your thread and other threads... seeing pictures of your Beautiful Blessing and reading your stories do bring lots of comfort. There is no better way to find peace than to share and to help each other going through tough times.  Honestly deep inside my heart, I believe helping others is really helping yourself.  Going to this forum to me is like a sweet visit to my sweet family, I really enjoy it.
Sometimes as  ironic as it sounds, we find peace in our mourning as it shows how deep we really care and respect our babies, something I may call as a "possitive mourning".  I could laugh at myself when recalling the funny momments with my baby, and drop to tears when I miss these momment so much...by cherishing them, they will be enhanced as time goes on and bring my baby closer...
Double L's mom, I have no children of my own and I live by myself so Christmas does not hit heavily on me, I just take some rest and enjoy the peaceful time off.
Dear Elise, Jamies and Bailey's Mom:  You all will celebrate Christmas in sweet memories of Soothing Sweet Buddy, Pretty Patches and White Angel Bailey...Knowing that their sweet spirits are and will be with you all during the comming holidays.  I am sure these Smart Angels are too smart to forget you.  As their moms you know that more about that than I do, if you listen to your heart, you will feel their presences, after all love is not much of a physical thing, it is really something lies deep inside your heart; if is there, it will stay to eternity.  I pray with this believe in you, you will find comfort.
Double L Mama, I am glad that you laugh at my expression of Lee Lee being an Army Girl.  I did not intend to be funny, she does look very serious and she reminds me of those Hero dogs that save lives, and helping police catching criminals..you are a very proud Mama.
After receiving signs from Bedo, I know my Little Boy is with me, So is your Lee Lee who has also been sending you signs.   forgot to mention that there were couple times when I burnt scents for Bedo, the ash from the scents formed like a heart shape accross the scent stems, I have pictures of them, will post some, is this something you call a "Halo"?
Group hug to you all my dear friends, you all have such a big heart and I hope you all have peace.
Bedomom

LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #522 
Dear Sue - Thank you so much - you carry thousands and thousands of pictures of you Rambo with you each and every day - in your heart's precious memories.  Kisses to Rambo and Ben - hugs to you, Melanie

Dear Bedomom- As always, your wise words are such a comfort to me.  I love your comment about "positive mourning" that makes a lot of sense. Thank you again for your sweet comments for my Lee Lee in referring to her as reminding you of a Hero dog - she is definitely my Hero - she overcame so much adversity just trying to live. Your heart shapes from little Bedo are amazing - I wish you a sweet, sweet visit today - hugs, Melanie
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #523 
Lee Lee, My Sweet Little Angel...

Today makes nine long months that we have been apart.  I still can't believe it really - I miss you so much.  More and more I find myself retreating into my own private world where I can be with you again in my memories.  I just hurt with the missing of you...

Christmas is not far away, everyone is decorating, shopping, preparing for family visits - I  just can't face it Lee Lee. I will just remember our Christmases past... I did put a red bow and some red flowers at your spot outside and I bought you a little bunny statue, he sits there nearby - I hope that you like him.  For your inside spot I bought you a little pink angel.  I bring your pretties each day, I try to "listen" to what you like - I hope that I am finding the right ones.  It just breaks my heart that the few pitiful little things are all that I can do for you now.  Please keep your sweet gifts for me coming Lee Lee, the precious visits, the wonderful signs, like the yellow butterflies, I need you so much.  And please keep giving me the blessing of "knowing" that they are from you.  The "knowing" is impossible to explain..... I just know...


Lee Lee, My Little Angel.. you are and always will be...

"Loved with a love beyond telling....missed with a grief beyond all tears"
     
   
The hope of seeing you again keeps me going Lee Lee - I find comfort in knowing that you are in the very paradise of God and that the Angels have you in their loving arms.  Bring the Angels a special pretty today Lee Lee....

Mama luvs you err and err - Kisses and Scratches....

(Separated Nine Months ago today ~ but, 275 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
EliseT

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Posts: 2,167
 #524 
Dear Melanie,

Such beautiful words and sentiments for your beautiful angel Lee Lee this 9th month Bridge Day. She is with you today, and every day. As you say, the hope and promise of your reunion with Lee Lee on that glorious day, is what makes it all worthwhile. You honor her so much, in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your precious memories, your pictures, and the little signs you receive from her...she knows her mama needs them so much, especially now.

Wishing you a peaceful evening, as you cherish your beloved angel baby. Lee Lee is saving her most special pretty for her sweet mama, when that day of days comes...

Happy 9th months, baby angel Lee Lee, thank you for looking out for your mama, she loves you so much, and she "knows" your special blessings to her, please visit her, comfort her and hold her close in your warm white angel wings, sweet one...

Hugs to mama and angel Lee Lee,

Elise, Buddy's mom
Bedomom

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Posts: 1,434
 #525 
Dear Sweet Lee Lee:
Just to let you know that Mama Loves you and Miss you sweet girl, this whole Christmas will just be everything About Sweet Lee Lee; Mom will treasure all the sweet memories of you, embrace them tightly like her bigest treasure, to honour you at this time of the year, to recreate beautiful momments like you have never left (you never did) to treasure them as her own personal biggest gift.  Have a blast 9month with the B boys, Patches, Max, Koji, Ally, Marsh, A girls and all of our angels up there Sweetie.  I know by holding your sweet memories, Mama will be blessed and loved through out the holidays and always...come to her more often sweetie!
Bedomom
sharkey905

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Posts: 284
 #526 
Melanie
As always, your words to LeeLee are just beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I think that LeeLee would love the red bow and flowers and the bunny statue.. She is watching over you saying Thanks Mama,, I love it
Take care
Sue

EliseT

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Posts: 2,167
 #527 
Hi Melanie,

Just wanted to thank you, for giving the added background about Lee Lee's adventure out the car window that day, when she caught sight of that squirrel! I can just see her shaking all over, with excitement! Thank goodness she listened to you, and as you said, it was funny once she was back in the car! I am so glad you have so many beautiful memories with your precious baby, and it is nice to see you feeling some happiness, as you relate her special moments to us.

Jamie, I am so sorry that today has been an especially hard day for you. I've found that the 'anger stage' isn't something that comes once, runs it course and then disappears and you're on to another stage. In my experience, it is cyclical...the anger, along with the sorrow and pain of loss sort of loops around and around...it's hard to describe and maybe that doesn't make sense, the way I'm trying to tell it. It is so difficult when people close to you have unrealistic expectations, thinking you should just be 'better' by now. It's sad for you, that they cannot comprehend the depth, extent or devastation of your loss, and what this nightmare has done to you. I almost started a new thread in the forum the other day, with a title that might have said something like "The Insignificance of This Loss". To relate the story behind it, the other night, I did a 'social' evening with some of my mother's friends - it was probably the first time I've actually been in a small group setting, for the supposed intention of having a good time, since Buds passed. They needed a substitute for this two table bridge game where they get together once a month - one of the gals was sick so they asked if I could step in. My mom's friends all knew Buddy, and yet not one of the mentioned him, or said they were sorry for my loss. It hurt some, as I made the mistake of having some expectations that they might give their condolences. I know if he were a human child, it would have been a completely different response from them, if I had lost a 'real' son. I guess this is one of the main reasons why we come here, since the majority of society's members count humans as most important, and how could the loss of a pet be all that deep or hurtful? Sad truth, that so many people just don't get it, because they have never experienced what we have experienced when it comes to the love of our babies, and their love for us. And so they say things like, "Why aren't you over this yet? or "What is your problem?"...or words to that effect...and chances are, they probably don't even know to the extent they are being hurtful. As Melanie said in another post, this amazing forum is sort of an 'alternate' universe for her, and that in her 'real' world, she makes very little mention of Lee Lee, and what she is going through on the inside.

So this is the place, where we can come and "just be"...with all of our emotions. Be understood and cared for. It is a blessing I will always treasure, from all of you.

Jillbeane - just wanted to also say, I am so sorry that you are feeling so lost and down without your Bailey. It is so true that Christmas just won't be the same, it will be empty and I can understand why you just want it over this year. I wish you all the best, and will keep you in my thoughts - I looked at your pictures of Bailey...what a sweetie...

Bedomom, thank you for your thoughts about the 'positive mourning'...I think this is what we are all trying to do for ourselves, and for each other. You are right, the best way to enter into the spirit of Christmas for any of us, is to always remember that our babies have sent their sweet spirits to be with us, during these holidays and always. We are still sad and grieving, yet hopefully can have some peace, too, in the knowledge of our blessings to come. We carry our babies in our hearts, just as we are in theirs, forever. As you say, love isn't as much of a physical thing, and these kids are definitely too smart to forget any of us! I love what you say, about visiting your sweet family when you come to share in this forum - I feel the same way now...it is like being "at home".

Wishing all of you gals peace and comfort - hugs to all of our sweet angel babies,

Elise, Buddy's mom

TrickyChris

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Posts: 3
 #528 
I literally just happened upon this site less than a week ago and what a blessing.  I thought I was crazy for being totally heartbroken.  I thought something was wrong with me.  I mean, why am I crying so much.  I found myself praying, asking God to save me baby.  When He didn't I found myself lost.  My faith was slightly rattled, but yet I still believe that God's way is the best way.  I tried to pray and I couldn't find the words.  I found myself just groaning in agony.  Romans 8:26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." 

What I have realized about the love I had for Tricky was that I was capable of that type of love.  One of my favorite books in the Bible is 1Corinthians, chapter 13.

1If I speak in the tonguesa of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,b but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

And I can honestly say now...that I have known love. 

I thank God that I have known love and that I have found this wonderful place with others that have known love.  Animals can teach us a lot about love.  Once they love you, they love you. 

TrickyChris' Mom


SharG

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Posts: 535
 #529 
Hi Melanie, how are you? I always read LeeLee's stories and love her "pretties" - has she sent any lately, something special for Christmas I hope!

Sharon
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #530 
Dear Elise~
Thank you so much for your sweet comments - it is so hard to adjust to the change - my life used to be all about Lee Lee and what she needed and wanted - now the few little things I can do for her seem pitifully small in comparison. The purpose I felt is gone.  I'm sure you feel that for Buddy and many others here feel that too - our babies leave such a massive hole in our hearts and lives.  If not for the hope of "that" day - I don't know how we'd go on. You made me cry when you said she is saving her most special pretty for me - what a precious thought - thank you ...I can hardly wait.....


Dear Bedomom~
What a lovely message to my Lee Lee - Thank you!  I certainly will spend the Holidays with my sweet memories of my baby.  She loved it so much, took such joy in having her people together and opening her presents.  The memory of those days is my greatest gift this year.  I know you are right - she is still nearby, I feel her presence from time to time.  I hope she listens to you Bedomom and visits more and more.  I like to think that all our babies will celebrate together this year - with a big feast (maybe a delicious Chinese dish from Little Bedo) and loads and loads of presents. 


Dear Sue~
You are so sweet Sue - always there for me - Thank you.  I know December holds some difficult anniversary memories for you and Christmas without your Rambo will not be anywhere close to the same. We will get through by clinging to their love... and our precious memories of Christmases past.  I do hope Lee Lee likes her things Sue - I'm pretty sure she loves the bunny - I just felt I "had" to get it for her, I didn't get it the first time I saw it - but she kept reminding me about it....and he sits out there near her place now.  Hugs and kisses to Rambo and Ben...


Dear TrickyChris~
Those wonderful verses you shared are some of my most favorite...I could have written your first paragraph - my experience was so similar, almost identical. And 1Corinthians 13, Verses 4 - 8 have very special meaning for me - they were included in our wedding vows 20 years ago this past October.  And I love verse 13 - how very true that is.  We are all so very blessed to have the pure love of our babies...it is unlike any other isn't it?  Thank you so much - I appreciate you visiting with us when your own grief is so very new - I hope that you are finding comfort for your heart in your sweet memories of Trickykins :)


Dear Sharon~
You are so sweet to ask after me - I am getting by - just getting by.  Thanks for reading Lee Lee's stories - it brings me a little comfort to record some of my memories - I relive them as I write. The latest pretties from Lee Lee were 2 very special yellow butterflies - one she wanted me to buy (I didn't have a clue why at the time, but I brought it home) and then later that same afternoon she sent a gorgeous vivid yellow butterfly to visit me.  She came out of the East and kind of danced around - right in front of me - for several seconds and then went back the way she came.  It kind of blew me away....I'd never seen one like it before.  I hope that you are doing okay, and feeling Oscar and Felix near you as we approach the Holidays.

Hugs and special Thanks to all you Dear Ladies...
Melanie ~ Lee Lee's Mama

_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #531 
Hi Melanie & Jillbeane,

Thank you for your such sweet thoughts and words, it helps and means so much. Jillbeane, I am truly sorry for your loss of your sweet Bailey. I know what you feel and I'm sorry.

Melanie... I did it!! Don't know how ( Id like to think that Patches helped me) but I got all decorated yesterday, all 15 bins unpacked and set up everything.
It was exhausting, its always a hassle and a lot of work but add on my lack of sleep my heavy and broken heart it didn't help much. But my son is happy. So that makes me happy (a little).
you're words always help, motivate and help me understand. Thank you so much sweet girl... Lee Lee is so lucky :)

I just read your last post to her... You sure love that sweet girl. It shows in every word. She loves you too. 
Look at how many others you are helping here? Lee Lee is so proud of her Momma.

Patches always liked butterfies too.
One of my last memories of her was me taking her out on the patio with me to get some sun. She looked so beautiful just sitting there up againt the purple flowers. Her silky white fur was glistening in the sun. Her eyes were squinting to keep the sun out, trying to follow this one white little butterfly. It kept fluttering right past her, and this  one time she looked so intently at it and raised her little paw to try and swack at it. But looking back she was just trying to say hi to him and wave. So sweet and so sad. I miss her. I'm sure like everyone else here I've run out of words and ways to express how much.

I can just picture Lee Lees spot all pretty in red...maybe you could share a pretty picture?? 

Thank you so much Melanie,
Patches Mommy Forever,
Jamie

*** I just love your wedding vows... and Congratulations on 20 years!! :)
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #532 
Hi Jamie,
I'm glad you were able to get your decorations put out - maybe at least it provides a sense of accomplishment and I imagine it is good for your son to see you put forth such a massive effort for him - you are a great Mom.  For sure your little girl Patches was right there supervising, keeping you company and giving you the strength you needed.  

I can just see Patches and her butterfly visitor there in the sun with a backdrop of purple flowers - what a beautiful memory for you to keep in your heart.  It is amazing the amount of detail our memories can hold isn't it?  Sometimes, the more I write the more I recall - the memories just flow from me.  

Thank you for your sweet comments for my Lee Lee, I will try to get a picture posted of her spot so that you can see.  My iphoto is not working right now - but I'll try to figure out another way to get the photos off my camera....  Thank you also for the congrats on our 20 years...

Jamie, I'll be thinking of you.  I know how much you are suffering and longing for your precious little baby.  You are right, sometimes there just are no more words....

Hugs and wishes for peace and rest for your mind...
Melanie
_PatchesMommy

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Posts: 181
 #533 
Dear sweet Lee Lees Momma,

I did have a very small sense of accomplishment, but a larger feeling of exhaustion. :)
I guess one of the many upsides here is that I won't be buying anymore Christmas decor to add to my bins this year.
I don't really care or feel up to it.

I feel the same way when I'm writing...I recall more detail by detail and the memories just flow. This is what I think bittersweet feels like.
I look at those purple flowers everyday out there on the patio. I can still see her sitting there shining beautiful and bright in the sun.
It puts a lump in my throat. My whole heart hurts and misses her badly. Just as you do your pretty girl.

I realized tonight Melanie that on Christmas Eve this year the 24th... That will be 2 months exactly that my baby hasn't been here with me.
How sad is that?? :( there are no words.

I do long for her Melanie, something horrible.
Thank you for caring and listening.

Hugs to you too.
Jamie... Patches Mommy Forever & Always

**good luck with your camera and IPhoto, I'd love to see some more pics :)

LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #534 
Lee Lee I remember...

....your very first little Christmas.  My sweet little Angel - you were just a baby - still just a Rosie - a RoseBud as your uncle would say.  Only about 4 months old and just so precious with your big puppy feet, your cute little floppy ears and that smiling face with the eyes that melted my heart....

We went to your Granny's that Christmas of 2004, nine years ago - you were so excited to see all your "people" that day.  Running around like a wild animal from one to another - greeting everyone with love, sweet puppy kisses and a wagging tail.  You seemed to realize that there was something different about that day....something special - so many boxes - and you wanted so bad to "help" with them...

Being the "new baby", you got a lot of attention - which you loved - your joy was captivating - we were all laughing at your excitement.  Of course for you the most fun was the gifts - you got your first "taste" of opening those wonderful presents. You just ran around with that first one, still wrapped, in the beginning showing everyone - but once we showed you what to do -- I can still remember so clearly you holding them with your feet and biting the paper in your little teeth and tearing strips off - one little piece at a time.  I was fascinated watching you - you'd peel a strip off and spit it out and peel another strip off - seemingly lost in your own little world - if I didn't know better, I'd say you were savoring the moment.

And just like any other kid - you played with that first squeaky toy for just a little while and then you were ready for the next present to open.  One after another - you opened your little presents - so many toys - it was a day of puppy dreams for you wasn't it My Little Angel.

You played and played and finally just wore your little self out and ended the day in your Granny's recliner - eventually upside down - taking a much needed nap with sweet puppy dreams.

You always loved Christmas - every year was special - filled with so much excitement and anticipation - but that first year was just so very sweet to me - I'll treasure those precious memories always....My Angel...your very First Christmas...

My Rosie, my RoseBud, my Rose, my Rosalee, my Lee Lee, my Angel.....my very Heart......
You will always be my greatest and most precious gift.......


Rosie opening her very first Christmas gift...
 photo scan_2_zpsaebbd6c0.jpg
A tired baby - so many toys...
 photo scan23_zpse4ecc15b.jpg


Mama luvs you err and err...Kisses and Scratches...

(Separated 40 weeks ago today ~ but, 280 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
sharkey905

Registered:
Posts: 284
 #535 
Melanie
Such a beautiful letter... I can just picture LeeLee ripping little strips off.. Rambo did the same...he was only 6 weeks old that first Christmas (2008).but first he would chew the pieces into little tiny pieces then spit them on the carpet
I love the picture of LeeLee upside down on the chair
I know its going to be rough this year,,,but we have our memories of our special babies,,,hopefully that will keep somewhat sane
Sending hugs
Sue
Rambo's Momma
And Ben's too
EliseT

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Posts: 2,167
 #536 
Dear Melanie,

Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories of your little Rosie's first Christmas! What a day to remember...all of the puppy fun and joy she gave you and your family, not to mention how special she felt, being spoiled so lovingly and thoroughly on her first Christmas!

These pictures are just adorable, especially the one of her lying on her head, in the recliner! She must have been the happiest baby in the world...and still is.

Hugs,

Elise, Buddy's mom

ourbrandy

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Posts: 1,010
 #537 
Oh Melanie - What precious pictures of a cute little puppy that eventually turned into a regal beauty - your Rosie, Rosalee, Lee Lee.  The memories you have are gifts that you will hold in your heart forever just as she was the best gift you ever received.

Christmas will never be the same for any of us, will it?  My only comfort is that our girls are there together enjoying the sun and playing with all their new friends, watching down on us and sending love from the bridge with all their special signs and symbols.

(((HUGS))) for you and kisses for your Lee Lee,

Barb

_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #538 
Oh Melanie,

I just finished reading through Elise's post through tears and now have done the same with yours. Such a great memory and a good story. I could picture in my mind every moment of that sweet experience. She is just adorable. She looks very content and all played out there laying on that recliner. Sweet girl.
I'm sorry Melanie I KNOW how much you miss her.
I wanted to ask you if you feel any differently now today then you felt 5 or 6 months ago? I know that you still miss her but does it change or feel differently? I sure hope so. This sure feels like a lot to carry for so long. I'm very sad Melanie all of the time. Even when I catch myself smiling or laughing I know it's not real. I still have the same sheets on my bed, and the shirt I was wearing, her box lays on that. :( I find myself saying in my voice that was only for her " hi Mom, whatcha doing girl?" Then I stare at the box and just start crying so
hard asking " mom, why aren't you hear mom, I miss you so much princess, I love you ". ( I called her mom a lot too) then I reassure her and I both that we are both okay and together always. What else can I do. I'm heartbroken over her. I miss and love her endlessly. I picture that sweet face meowing up at me and cringe in sheer pain because I can't scoop her up and hold her or pet her. I can still feel her. I wish so badly I could hold her.
I'm heartbroken Melanie. It's horrible.

Thank you for caring and listening so much,
Thinking of you and Lee Lee

Patches Mommy Forever, Jamie
diannblack

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Posts: 70
 #539 
Hello Melanie
I love your stories of LeeLee....the photo of her pooped out after a busy Christmas day is priceless.
This morning I received a email from the pet resort wishing Liffey a happy birthday....she would have been 2 tomorrow. I'm so heart broken. When does the pain end? I know you and like all of us are dreading Christmas without our babies. I wish Liffey was still here, she should be she was just a baby when she died, it's not fair....
LeeLee please look after my baby....love Diann xxxx
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #540 
Dear Sue,
I'm glad you liked the story Sue - in a way it feels like it was yesterday... Such sweet memories for you - Rambo at 6 weeks, just a baby at Christmas - I'll bet he had some marvelous "puppy breath". I'm glad you like Lee Lee's upside down picture - she slept like that a lot - she was just worn out that day.  We'll get thru it Sue - I'll bet our two babies will make a mess on Christmas day at the Bridge - little strips of paper everywhere! Hugs...

Dear Elise,
Thank you - I think she was happy ... and she definitely was spoiled - and she loved it.  I guess she really didn't know any other way to be - we raised her as one of us - she never knew she was really a dog - she was a "Pupple" (part puppy, part people).  Maybe Lee Lee and Buddy will get a new frisbee for their first Christmas at the bridge.  They'd like that I think - Hugs to you...

Dear Barb,
That's sweet - "A regal beauty" - she'd like that!  I really don't think that Christmas will be "right" again until we celebrate in Heaven with our babies.  I'm sure Lee Lee will be with Brandy, Rambo, Buddy, Patches, Liffey, Honey and all her friends - too many to name - it will be their best Christmas ever...they will have so many gifts they won't know which to open first.  We'll make it Barb - hugs...

Dear Diann,
Thank you for your sweet comments for my girl.  Diann, I'm so sorry, I know how hard Liffey's birthday was without her with you - she was just a baby - much too soon to have to go - you are right - It isn't fair at all.  You and Liffey should have had many, many more years together.  I had Lee Lee for 8-1/2 years and it wasn't nearly enough - and I know that even the 17 years that Barb had with her Brandy - it wasn't long enough. Maybe one day we will understand... But, Sweetie  I don't know when the pain will end....maybe it just stays and we just get more used to the weight of it after a while.  I had a talk with Lee Lee - Liffey is right there beside her - she said tell you not to worry and she loves you... Hugs of comfort...

Dear Jamie,
She did have a great first Christmas - I am so very thankful for my memories - I'm glad I could relay the story good enough that you could "see" it too  - I spend much of my time back there in my memories with her - probably way too much - but it is where I long to be.  I wish, Jamie, that I could tell you that I feel much better after the passing of several months - but I am just as sad, I miss her even more with each passing day - the shock is fading away and the permanence of her absence has set in. In the beginning I couldn't even look at anyone or them at me without me just bawling, but now I am more able to contain my emotions - I don't lose control out in public as much as I used to - I mostly can keep my grieving private - but just today - I was walking on our favorite route and suddenly I was just overcome and the tears were flowing.  As I mentioned above to Diann, I think that maybe we don't hurt any less - we are just able to endure it a little easier - out "grief muscles" are stronger and hold us up better.

You are only just in the early days of being without your girl - what you are feeling is normal - there is no other way for you to be except heartbroken - she was your little baby and you miss her desperately.  I know Christmas will be so hard for you and I'm so sorry that her 2mo anniversary is Christmas Eve - that will be hard... I'm reading a book right now that speaks of a great loss as an "amputation" - and indeed it is - we have all lost a part of ourselves - a part of what made "us" .... "us".  Hugs Jamie - hang in there. My iphoto is working again and as promised Jamie ...

Lee Lee's spot...
Her Christmas bunny sits there
and the pots are planted with daffodils and crocus bulbs...
 photo 6c002603-2cf4-4806-b790-009c12bffd05_zps233a7a6f.jpg
Bedomom

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Posts: 1,434
 #541 
Dear LeeLeesMama:
Thinking about you and Sweet Double L tonight... She is just so adorable, the way she was laying comfortable on the chair is no different than a two-legged Girl, and she has her TomBoy side too.  I know you miss your Sweet Angel so much...Christmas is comming soon and Lee Lee will be with you in her sweet spirit. I can see her presence by looking at her spot.  Her Heavenly Home is so peaceful, I know she loves her spot no different than her Sweet Home. LeeLeesMama, You have done so much for Lee Lee and I know your Sweety will continue to bring you joy from things that you continue doing for her; I know you feel that deeply in your heart along with peace.  Lee Lee is a happy girl as she has such a sweet Mama who loves her endlessly! Having honoring our loved ones, I am sure they will bring us much much more closer to our hearts...
Hope you have a peaceful night!
Hugs to you and Sweet Lee Lee.
Bedomom
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #542 
Dear Bedomom,
You understand my Lee Lee so well - she was indeed a "Tomboy" just as rough and tumble as they come - most everyone thought she was a boy... Thank you for your sweet comments - they are a blessing to me this morning.  Prayers and peace Sweet Lady - and hugs for you and little Bedo.

Lee Lee's Mama
_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #543 
Hi Melanie,

I just love the picture. It's so sweet and also so sad. I can just picture you sitting there in the chair talking to Lee Lee. Crying or reminiscing about all of your happy memories with your girl. It looks like you had a real big yard, I'm sure she just loved running all around it. I'm very happy you have Lee Lees spot there, I wonder how many hours you've spent in that chair or even down on the ground closer to her. I love her heart name sign, I love the beautiful red poinsettias, her cute little Christmas bunny. I wonder if you had bunnies on your property there and if she would love chasing them? The picture is very serene Melanie. Your a wonderful mommy and Lee Lee knows how very lucky she was/is.

I so feel that a big piece of me is gone and missing. I felt that from "that" day.
She was my whole heart and to say that I just miss her is the understatement of the century.
I hate not seeing her here. It's constant torture for my soul.... I look up and Link is just staring at me with such big eyes??
I wonder if he knows I'm sad? I wish he would come be warm to me like my girl would, but he's not like that.
It wouldn't matter anyway because it's not her. She is my very special ONE and she holds my heart with her now.

I miss Patches bad Melanie. I know you miss your girl too.

Thank you for caring and listening....and thanks for the picture.
Patches Mommy Forever,
Jamie
maxsMandD

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Posts: 1,270
 #544 
Happy 9th month Bridgeday prescious LeeLee. Hope you have a day filled with many treats and lots of squirrel chasing. I'm sure all your friends were there to help you celebrate like Bedo, Buddy, Brandy, Patches and Max and the list goes on and on. Your tribute to her for Xmas is very nice, she is such a loved babe and will always be in your thoughts. I was also crying as we set up our tree for xmas without our sweet Max he loved Xmas as everyones sweet babe did.  ((hugs))  maxsMandD
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #545 
Hi Jamie,
Thank you Sweetie....yes, Lee Lee did love to be outside in "her" yard on patrol - she kept it a "squirrel free zone" - she didn't get to chase bunnies much, I was always afraid she'd chase them into the woods and be lost, but she was fascinated with them and loved to watch them.  We have almost 14 acres here and she claimed it all for her own. Her spot there was one of her favorite places to lay in the sun. 

I think Link probably does know that you are sad - they are pretty sensitive to our feelings - but as you said - they all are different.  I have 6 other dogs and they all have their own personalities and I care for them - but Lee Lee was my heart and Patches was yours - they were just our special babies - a once in a lifetime relationship - we will always long for our little soulmates... Hugs, Melanie

~~~

Dear MaxsMandD,
Thank you for the sweet wishes for my Lee Lee - a squirrel chasing party would be her idea of a perfect day - it is good to know that she is surrounded by her sweet friends.  Christmas is just too sad for me this year - like you, so many memories and so many tears.  I know you are missing you sweet little boy - all our babies loved Christmas so much - it is so lonely without them - it doesn't feel "Merry" to me at all.  Hugs to you, Melanie
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,167
 #546 
Dear Melanie,

Thank you for sharing this photo of Lee Lee's and your special spot in your backyard - it is such a beautiful place for you to be close and in sweet communion with her. I think it is so appropriate that you have spring flowers planted in the pots - Lee Lee's spring is eternal now...her summers filled with beautiful yellow butterflies, summer wildflowers, green meadows with rolling hills and so many friends to play with, keep her company as she waits...

This looks like such a wonderful place to write, to cherish your memories together and dream of the day when your earthly separation is no more. Lee Lee is discovering new ways to let her Mama know she is always by her side, never far, for even a moment. You've always made her so happy, Melanie...you always will.

Hugs,

Buddy's mom
MarleyBarley

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Posts: 685
 #547 
Melanie,

What a beautiful spot, the love you have for Lee Lee shines through. It's so very hard but we are doing the best we can. They are there waiting for us, each day brings us closer. 

Teresa
Marley's mom
forever and a day
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,833
 #548 
Dear Elise and Teresa,
Thank you both for your sweet words for my Lee Lee's spot - she loved to lay there near the Live Oak tree, chewing her sticks and wiggling in the grass, enjoying the sunshine - it seemed to be the perfect place for her to rest.  I visit with her there every day and bring her a pretty and talk with her for a little while. She did love the flowers of spring Elise - when I'd pick some, she'd always wanted to smell their delicate scent too - so I'd hold them down for her...I hadn't thought of that in a while - Thank you...

Hugs Ladies
Melanie
Sitka3

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Posts: 374
 #549 
{{{{{{{{{{Melanie}}}}}}}}}}}}}
My thoughts are with you and all here at Petloss as Christmas approaches. Your posts to Lee Lee always make me smile. Wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas! It's always a little more bittersweet and poignant when we don't have our bridge kids here, but they truly taught us how to enjoy the day.  I believe they do supervise our celebrations in spirit. :)
~Sitka
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #550 
Sitka,
I appreciate you thinking of me and Lee Lee, it means so much.  I know you'll be missing your angels too this Christmas - I hope your day is peaceful and filled with blessings.
Lee Lee's Mama
LeeLeesMama

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Posts: 2,833
 #551 
Lee Lee I remember....

....Christmas 2010, it holds some very treasured memories of your happiness and joy.  You greeted everyone with such excitement that day, talking, wiggling and wagging - but like any kid, you were soon ready to open your presents.  As all the gifts were carried in, you figured out right away which box your things were in and "staked it out"....

 photo 6baa253a-67bb-48c5-b21a-e19e7c67e854_zpsbc0a3c5e.jpg
"Waiting..."

I found you sitting there beside your box of gifts, just waiting....everyone kept walking by you, visiting, bringing in more gifts, getting cameras and video recorders set up.  You were patient for a while, but eventually you started begging and whining for a gift to open  "Just a minute" I said, "...almost ready".

But, an angel can only wait for so long.....

 photo 3d2e3bbf-1f50-488b-9c5c-7bd6d72803e2_zpsf2210219.jpg

....the next thing I saw was that little nose...ever so slowly reaching into the box, I could just imaging you thinking as you looked around....

"Okay...nobody will even notice if I take just this one...

 photo f437130c-de89-47b7-b724-3ea63b4e5a67_zps06a479ba.jpg

It was the most precious thing - bless your little heart - you just couldn't stand it another minute.  You caught just the corner of a present in your teeth and eased it up and out of the box.  We all just watched....smiling....

It fell onto the floor and you grabbed it with a big chomp and carried it over to your little bed. 

 photo d11c0f29-e06d-4706-b6a4-7e5d15ed9ea9_zpsc9f8cc4d.jpg

You stood on it with both front feet and began tearing little strips of paper off with your teeth - one tiny strip after another...enjoying it so much - your tail wagging with excitement.  

 photo c30b0358-7f4a-4bc1-bb37-8a8aeccbfe57_zps4cd82c38.jpg

You were so proud of your pretties - prissing around - you wanted everyone to say how "beautifulllllll" they were....... "Let me touch it - I wanna touch it" I'd say reaching for it, but you'd turn your head away grunting and wagging, smiling - "No, you can not touch it" - "I won't take it" I'd say, "I just wanna touch it",  "No - it is only show and tell" and off you'd go to show someone else.

It was "on" then....so many presents, so much prissing, so many pretties.....you loved your gifts so much and we always got way too many for you, everyone did - but who could resist you and your sweet, joyful little Christmas spirit.

 photo fc1dda30-00a3-409c-92a5-b6d0714426a4_zps0e6699d2.jpg
"A tired baby..."

It was a wonderful day - you played with your presents and enjoyed your treats and napped on your Granny's couch.  So many sweet memories for me Baby Doll - so many... Christmas will never be the same for me, there will always be someone missing... I miss you so, so desperately...

Mama luvs you err and err.... Kisses and Scratches.....

(Separated 41 weeks today ~ but, 287 days closer to seeing you again My Angel)
_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #552 
Dear Sweet Melanie,

Oh Boy... I was here at my office thinking about you. I know that your day was Friday so I wanted to say hello and let you know I was thinking ad caring....
I didn't know when I logged on that you would have put together the most amazing display of pictures like a precious little story. What amazing photos you were
able to  capture! You sure are every bit the proud Mommy of her baby. I loved every photo, every sweet face, Lee Lee is adorable, she makes me want to scoop her up
and hug her myself. Look at that face in the last one!! To pick a favorite it might be the second one where she's checking to see if anyone is looking to see if maybe no one
would notice if just 1 was missing. What a character she was Melanie, how fun!!

I can imagine how you feel looking at these now Melanie. If its it anything like me its through very teary smiles. We LOVE our angel babies and miss them tremendously.
I really truly feel for you Melanie, I'm so sorry.

I am thinking of you and sending big warm hugs.
When you visit Lee Lees spot today, please give her a pretty from me :))


Big Hugs,
Patches Mommy Forever, Jamie
MeAndTheGirlies

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Posts: 497
 #553 
What wonderful wonderful pictures...Thank-you for sharing!!  Priceless expressions!!

MeAndTheGirlies
EliseT

Registered:
Posts: 2,167
 #554 
Dear Melanie, 

Thank you so much for putting this precious Lee Lee Christmas story and slide show together! It is absolutely priceless...as priceless as the ongoing love and humor that the two of you share! I just love experiencing her personality like this - our babies are really something, aren't they though? I do love the one, where she is sneaking her present...she's quite the determined girl..."I'm getting started, I'm not waiting another minute, and that's all there is to it!" And I do think she had the thought running through her head, that she could get away with sneaking just that one, how absolutely adorable... 

Amidst all of your sorrow and desperation, Melanie, for missing her so acutely, I am so glad that you felt strong enough to share these special Christmas moments of Lee Lee and your family. You must have been putting together these sweet pictures and writing her story with tears flowing...it's just so hard, I'm so sorry...

Our Christmas's will never be the same, as our precious babies made them so much fun...so incredibly special and happy. My heart breaks for you, Melanie...we just keep holding on to the truth as we know it to be, that we are that much closer...we are that one step closer to being with them, once again. 

Sending warm hugs to you and your angel baby Lee Lee, may your sweet memories bring much peace and comfort,

Elise, Buddy's mom
LeeLeesMama

Registered:
Posts: 2,833
 #555 
Dear Jamie,
You are so sweet - thank you so much for thinking of me today and for your lovely comments - I'm so glad you liked the story and her photos - she had just LOADS of personality. I had to rein myself in on this one somewhat - I originally had several more photos and more writing - but it was getting out of hand quickly.  I tend to do that - when I start remembering - I go overboard with details - and you are right... I'd write a while and cry a while - but it is good for me to record her stories. One day I may not remember as clearly..

Jamie, as soon as I got home tonight - I went straight out to visit Lee Lee at her spot and I brought her a special pretty and told her it was for her from Patches' Mommy.  You made me cry with that request - what a Sweetheart you are - thank you...

There are not many days left until Christmas - it is hard isn't it...without our babies?  The feeling of the season is just not there for me this year...I'm living in the past right now - it just seems friendlier... I know you understand all too well... kisses to your sweet girl...

~~~~~~

Dear MeAndTheGirlies,
Thank you so much for taking the time to look at my baby - it means so much to me.  I haven't commented on your thread about Signs and Symbols - but I read it all - it is really fascinating isn't it? ... their abilities are amazing and such blessings.  I hope your dear Winnie is doing ok and hanging in there for you.  I know you are missing your precious Ellie so much - I hope you are feeling her nearby tonight.  Peaceful Christmas wishes to you..

~~~~~~

Dear Elise,
She was quite a character for sure Elise - funny, sweet, mischievous, strong willed, sassy - I could go on for ages - she was my precious girl. Recalling all the sweet details - I could really feel her thoughts Elise, - what she would be saying - as I mentioned to Jamie, I had to trim down my story, it was growing into a feature length movie instead of a slide show.  I got lost in my memories though.... 'forgot' for a few moments  - I hate it when I do that - the jolt back to the reality of the present is hard - it is like a stab to my heart. And yes - I was writing through tears....

The feeling of Christmas has been changed for me Elise - it is hard to explain - but the sweetness of it is not there anymore - the innocence of it - seeing it through her eyes - the way she saw it - her joy - it is gone...sad, so sad.

Thank you so much Elise - I know you understand how hard it is to be without our little hearts - prayers Elise...

Hugs and many thanks Ladies...Melanie


Bedomom

Registered:
Posts: 1,434
 #556 
Dear Lee Lee's Mama: Thank you for sharing beautiful pictures of Lee Lee and all the sweet Chrismas memories of your Little Sweet Girl.  Through pain they also bring a smile to my face.  I know you are doing this for yourself and for us...Thank you again my sweet friend!  Chrismas is here and every one of our mom and dad misses our beloved ones dearly...and we know, we are blessed for having shared so many sweet precious memories of our furbabies and through them, we have learned so so much.  Along with mourning, we can celebrate these sweet memories that we treasure deeply in our hearts to keep us going until the day we can hold our babies in our arms again! Double L is such a Character it is sweet to think of all our babies, they are so sweet in their own ways...Lee Lee is just soo Lee Lee!
Lee Lee is such a princess and you two are such a great pair!
Have a pieceful night
Hugs
Bedomom
ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,010
 #557 
Oh Melanie - Such a sweet story and pictures of your beautiful baby.  It made the tears start to flow again.  I know how painful this Christmas season is for you without her.  I wish I could give you a hug in person to let you know how much I care.

I always love the way you tell Lee Lee's story - of the happiness and joy she brought to the whole family - I think that was her mission in life. 

She showed such patience waiting to open those gifts and then all of a sudden couldn't resist any longer.  It made me smile through my tears.

My heart goes out to you and will always be with you and your Lee Lee, who now brings such comfort to all of us that are hurting.

((((BIG HUGS))) to you and kisses for Lee Lee,
Barb
_PatchesMommy

Registered:
Posts: 181
 #558 
Sweet Melanie,

Speaking for myself I LOVE all the pictures, please don't "reign" it in. I'm just like you when I start typing, then I remember, then I cry, and write more. Pictures always help.
I Love seeing all the pictures of all the babies and all those special memories. I have hundreds of my girl.
I'm glad Lee Lee got the pretty from me, Thank You. I would be happy to give her a Pretty anytime. I'd give her endless if I could.

You are not alone feeling a loss for the season, its awfully hard. Obviously I know its Christmas but everything like my world just feels "off".
Instead of me thinking of it being a few days before Christmas, all I know is on the 24th it will have been 2 months since my little angel has left and
gone to heaven to wait for me. It absolutely breaks my heart. I know you understand all too well  :(

Thinking of you and Sweet Lee Lee...
Patches Mommy Forever,
Jamie
maxsMandD

Registered:
Posts: 1,270
 #559 
Oh what lovely pictures of your sweet girl and her opening her gifts, those memories are so prescious. Hope you have a good Xmas and try to enjoy LeeLee would want you to be happy. ((hugs))  maxsMandD
lostdad

Registered:
Posts: 43
 #560 
Hi Melanie,

I love your pictures of LeeLee. She was such a pretty girl.

It makes me wish I would have taken more pictures of Penny. I'm already guilty of not taking many pictures of Roxy. I'll have to make that a resolution for the new year.

I know it will be tough for you, but I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Bryan
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