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Foxdfive

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Posts: 306
 #1 
Hard to believe it's been 4 years since I crawled in here, hopeless, depressed with severe anxiety. I came the first day after losing my pug Toy. It was on a Saturday morning March 22, 2014. Now just a few days away from 4 years. I still think of him --still have a hard time looking at his pictures. The biggest heartbreak of my life. A few months later I finally went to pug rescue and adopted a pug named Brody. He was much bigger than Toy was and at 9 years old much more energetic. I was uncomfortable with Brody at first, he was a bigger pug who could sit on my lap in my office chair like Toy did, and he wasn't like Toy much at all. I learned to love him for who he was and I had a new friend and began to feel a little better. I would tell him about Toy on our walks. Brody was so energetic like Toy was before he got old. One day, Brody was limping so I took him to the 24-hour vet (it was at night and my vet was closed) they gave me some painkillers and said keep Brody off that foot for a few days and he will be fine. I came home from work the next day and something wasn't right. Back to the emergency vet, which was expensive --more test and a diagnosis of something sarcoma. The vet had me feel under his stomach and there was a spaghetti-like mass there, he had agressive cancer. The next day on Christmas he died. From perfectly fine to gone in 3 days. I had him 9 months. I had Toy for 7 years, so we were closer, but I had grown fond of Brody and now he was gone and now came sadness again. Brody has been gone two years now. I decided not to get another pug, I just can't handle the loss. I have the feral cat population out back and my two indoor cats. Not the same as the relationship with my pugs, but it will have to do. So, with that today I miss Toy and Brody, both brought me comfort and happiness, but the pain of losing them is more than I want to deal with anymore. Nevertheless, Toy is who first brought me here --love you Toy.  I hope all of you are doing okay.
goofygirlinva

Registered:
Posts: 1,191
 #2 
Hi David,

I am so sorry to hear that Brody has passed on. I know what it is like to bring a senior animal into your home and have them find a special place in your life and heart. It was like that for me with Blackie. We weren't even together for 3 years, yet he was such a special boy. Like your Toy and Brody, Blackie brought me such comfort and happiness and he was taken from me so suddenly and unexpectedly, his loss hit me very hard for several months. I still miss him very much, even over 9 years later, and I suspect I always will. It is, as you know, the price we pay for opening up our hearts to these precious ones.

I'm glad you still have the feral cat population and your two indoor cats to bring you comfort, happiness and love. Even though your relationship with them is different, it is still one filled with love and, I hope, happiness.

I hope you are doing well, despite your losses. It is good to hear from you, albeit under such unfortunate circumstances.

Hugs and healing to you...

- Kelly
Angel Blackie's mom
Angel Squeeker's mom

Foxdfive

Registered:
Posts: 306
 #3 
Thanks for replying Kelly,
I think you were here when I first came on in 2014 unless there is another Blackie on here. It's still hard for us all I guess. Some people move right along in a couple weeks, some of us, never do. We will never be the same as we once were; we live , but differently now. I don't have human kids and after my divorce years ago, I decided to take some time off. Toy came to me from a lady that lived in the same condo complex as my mom. After Mom passed in 2006, I would still go over and take that ladies pug for walks. The pug was Toy. One day, I went over to visit and she was getting too old to be walking dogs and ask me to take him. I hadn't had a pet since childhood and admittedly I wasn't to keen on getting one then. I was so flattered though and didn't want to disappoint Toys Mom, so I brought him home and would take him 20 miles down to St Pete to visit. After a while, Toy and I grew so close. She had him for the first 7 years, I had him for the second 7. Losing him was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. I don't have to tell you that, here you are 9 years later. I don't think it ever gets better, nor do I care for it too. It was worth it, just to have had him and although I didn't have Brody long, him too. And I agree opening our hearts can eventually be painful, but that's okay to have known.

David
Mondo

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 994
 #4 
Hi David,

  It is coming on 4 years since I first came here.  Since Tuffy passed away.  

  For me things have gotten better, I would not say 'healed', but scabbed over.  I can look at pictures of Tuffy and Toby.  We have a short MP4 of Tuffy and a couple of Toby.  

  Although I find it often ends in tears.  Still worth it,  but as you know, the hardest thing I ever went through was losing Tuffy.  Lost both of my parents in the 2 years previous which was very hard too.

  Sorry to hear about Brody.  

  We have Ellie and Missy now.  Going on 3 years.  So hard to believe it has been this long.  Toby passed in January 2015, and we adopted the girls in March.  It took me much longer to connect with them.  Grieving and feeling somehow disloyal to the boys.  Today I love them with all my heart.  But Tuffy is still  Tuffy.  

  Wishing you all the best.   Sending you positive thoughts.

Mondo
Tuffy, Toby, Ellie and Missy's Dad


ourbrandy

Registered:
Posts: 1,010
 #5 
Hi David:

I've thought about you and wondered how you were doing.  So sorry to hear about Brody.  It sure doesn't get any easier, does it?  I'm glad you still have your cats to keep you company.

We had to say goodbye to Miriam this past November.  She had lost a lot of weight and was getting weak and having trouble keeping her back legs up.  We had gone on a month long camping trip and she did so well.  When we got back home she just went downhill.  Our vet said she was waiting to get back home before telling us it was "time."

As you said, it certainly was worth it.  We only had Miriam for 4 years, but we packed in all the adventures and love that we could in those years.  She truly helped us with the grief of losing Brandy and we came to love her so much.

Hard to believe it will be 4 years since you lost Toy.  It will be 5 years in July for us with Brandy.  Time has a way of slipping past, but our love for our babies never ends.

Wishing you all the best,

Barb (Angel Brandy's and Angel Miriam's mom)
~forever~

Foxdfive

Registered:
Posts: 306
 #6 
Hello Mondo,
Nice to see you still hanging around and helping the new people coming in. God knows I needed them when I first came. I didn't have Brody long and I waited a while before I got him, but I started to feel a little better. The mysterious kitten that showed up a day after I lost Toy is still with me. There is a feral cat population in my backyard know which I feed. They come and go and once in a while, there will be one who approaches me and I can actually touch, pet etc. After 4 years, I am nowhere near as bad as I was, I mean I was a mess. Others encouraged me to get another pug and in a way, I wanted to. I had already been inspected by pug rescue --they come out to where I live and look around-- and got a call a few days later about a pug (Brody). He was going to be at the Pugs of Florida Rescue event at Tampa stadium (Raymond James Stadium) and I knew where he would be, in a pen with 4 other pugs. I brought a friend along to drive in case I took the pug. At first, I walked right by him and left to another area. I just wasn't sure. Finally, I went back and told Brodies pug mom who I was and I was there to get Brody. She said she knew who I was when I first walked by, although there were many people walking around there. Brody was a big pug. I went and bought him a new leash and harness and walked across that long grassy parking lot with him. I was happy I got him and then he gets sick fast and then gone. I thought after what I went through with Toy, I could handle anything, but it still hurt and depressed me. Pugs do that. Strange that no cats were ever around here except towards the end of Toys live this mother cat with red lips it looked like would watch me and Toy from a distance outside. So I have two indoor cats now, no pugs. I just can't go through that again for a while and it's been two years already since Brody. Anyway, its good to hear you are doing better and happy again. Was great talking to you
Foxdfive

Registered:
Posts: 306
 #7 
Hello Mondo,
Nice to see you still hanging around and helping the new people coming in. God knows I needed them when I first came. I didn't have Brody long and I waited a while before I got him, but I started to feel a little better. The mysterious kitten that showed up a day after I lost Toy is still with me. There is a feral cat population in my backyard know which I feed. They come and go and once in a while, there will be one who approaches me and I can actually touch, pet etc. After 4 years, I am nowhere near as bad as I was, I mean I was a mess. Others encouraged me to get another pug and in a way, I wanted to. I had already been inspected by pug rescue --they come out to where I live and look around-- and got a call a few days later about a pug (Brody). He was going to be at the Pugs of Florida Rescue event at Tampa stadium (Raymond James Stadium) and I knew where he would be, in a pen with 4 other pugs. I brought a friend along to drive in case I took the pug. At first, I walked right by him and left to another area. I just wasn't sure. Finally, I went back and told Brodies pug mom who I was and I was there to get Brody. She said she knew who I was when I first walked by, although there were many people walking around there. Brody was a big pug. I went and bought him a new leash and harness and walked across that long grassy parking lot with him. I was happy I got him and then he gets sick fast and then gone. I thought after what I went through with Toy, I could handle anything, but it still hurt and depressed me. Pugs do that. Strange that no cats were ever around here except towards the end of Toys live this mother cat with red lips it looked like would watch me and Toy from a distance outside. So I have two indoor cats now, no pugs. I just can't go through that again for a while and it's been two years already since Brody. Anyway, its good to hear you are doing better and happy again. Was great talking to you
Foxdfive

Registered:
Posts: 306
 #8 
Hi, Brandys and Miriam's mom,

Wow, so many of you still here. I haven't been around for a while, but I remember everyone who was here when I first appeared and how much being here helped me. Yes, you are right, no matter how bad the pain of loss is, I was happy to have experienced life with Toy for 7 years and Brody for 9 months. There is just something about these pets, especially in my case these pugs that make living so wonderful. I am sorry for your loss in November I was not coming on here then. I don't think I had been on for a year, but I still get the Monday pet loss chatroom invited in my email every Monday, so I thought I would come in and talk about Toy and Brody who I never came on here when I lost him. It feels surreal to read my old posts when I first came and to see how bad I felt and that I would one day be able to function again. Many of us came here within a few months of each other, some right around when I first came. Others that have been here for many years. Do you have another pet friend or was that enough. I don't like to say that, I would hope that one day I am strong enough to take another risk and adopt another pug. It is the only time I was truly happy.

So nice hearing from you,

david
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