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AnniesMom

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Posts: 4
 #1 
Hi all, this is my first post. I lost my baby girl, a chihuahua mix rescue, last Monday, so a week and a day ago today. She was only 7.5 months old. She was spayed in July, had bloodwork done then and throughout she seemed completely fine... until around 4 weeks later she wasn’t. She didn’t eat the evening Friday 8/23 but she wasn’t totally acting sick. In the morning on Saturday, I saw her laying in the bed on the floor which she normally sleeps with me under the covers in my bed. I knew something was up. I got the quickest appointment I could that Saturday & they ran bloodwork and saw her calcium was VERY low, which likely explained some neurological signs she started to display at the emergency vet. Anyway, I ended up at an animal hospital that was an hour away (b/c of the vet that could see her soonest was closest to there & she needed to get there urgently). I dropped her off after they ran tests & they were very concerned - they were keeping her. I never thought it would be as serious as it was, she was so young and seemingly healthy. All at the same time, my young niece was in the ICU in critical care so a lot was going on.

Sunday came, the concerns grew, I went to visit her at noon that day and she wasn’t herself. She would open her eyes & look at me but she never got up. I was okay w/ that, I figured she was very sick and unable to. If this was an older dog, I would have thought about the signs now in hindsight that this was a very critical situation possibly leading to death. While I got some concerning news, I also got what seemed to be hopeful news some things had improved - so again, I never thought she wouldn’t make it out if this. The vet was in contact with me a lot that day, each time asking me if something happens do I want her revived or DNR. Well, things started to deteriorate but they were still working to figure out what was going on. They asked if there was anything genetic to ask the rescue, and that is when I found out her littermate brother passed away suddenly too around 4/5 months old. Something was seriously wrong with my baby girl, Annie, and they just couldn’t figure it out & ran tests galore. Saturday night, after hearing reports from the vet to not feel guilty if I put her as DNR because the state of things then, if she passed, they wouldn’t be able to do much without knowing what’s wrong if they saved her. I prayed hard, the vet said she may need a blood transfusion overnight so if I got a call that night/early morning that it would be bad news. I prayed that if her little body couldn’t make it through this in the middle of the night, that I had to let her go... it was the most unselfish thing I had to do b/c I desperately wanted her to be saved & healed.

Well, I did not hear from them all night, I barely slept that night afraid I would miss the call. I told the vet all along that I am an hour away and to please call me if she sees signs of her dying, I wanted to be with her and possibly even make the humane decision to euthanize & not let her suffer anymore if there was no hope. I spoke to the vet Monday morning, I called & she didn’t go over the bloodwork yet but said there’s a 35% chance she’s going to make it out of the hospital. I planned to go visit but she mentioned coming at 12pm, & we spoke at 8:30AM. I got a call a little over an hour later that to get down there & another call a minute later that she was gone. To say I was devastated is an understatement.

I have been riddled with so many emotions since. Guilt that I didn’t see anything sooner, did I miss something? Was she sick all along? Did the vet who spayed her miss something in her bloodwork a month earlier? I was also angry I didn’t know about her brother, but I understand there may be reasons why they didn’t want to alarm me. Annie was my soul mate, I know that for sure. The short time we spent together, we made the most out of every single day. I couldn’t have possibly loved her or been more obsessed with her than I was. She triggered all the mommy stuff in me the same way my son did & does-it was no different. I always called her my daughter. I am having such a rough time and being so hard on myself that I wasn’t with her when she passed, as hard as that would have been for me, Love is through good times and bad & when she needed me most, I wasn’t there. I just continued to believe, until that call Monday morning, she was in hands that could figure this out and heal her, I never imagined the day before was going to be the last time I saw her! I feel like I should have been sleeping at that hospital, I am so guilty I was not there. I won’t even wash my sheets or any clothes that have her hair on them, I feel like it gives me such peace to still have that at least, I can’t imagine making that all go away by washing them. My son is taking it much better than I am.

I feel like it’s so unfair that the world just keeps turning without her. I break down in tears multiple times a day while alone just praying she hears me how much I loved her and how I am so sorry! There will never be answers as to why she passed, I didn’t want to put her through necropsy after everything and I didn’t think straight during this sudden event to think maybe I should so I would have answers but I can’t go back in time with that (I had private cremation & have her ashes). I currently take her ashes out with me to lay on the couch. I’m trying to give myself as much care given I’m grieving her loss but each day I miss her more. Going to bed was such a favorite time w/ her, she always slept in my arms or on me under the covers. She was the coolest dog ever and as a catholic, I should be strong in my faith but I’m so terrified I will never see her again when my time comes.

I planned to talk with an animal medium someone from the vet hospital recommended - that’s tomorrow - to hopefully get in touch with her. I’ve heard great things about her. I hope it brings me peace but I am prepared if it doesn’t. I just feel guilty too if I am having a moment I’m not thinking of her, or trying not to, that I’m not grieving her enough and I think I’m just stuck that I don’t want to accept it or move on without her. Washing all the things that has her hair on it, I can’t even think about it right now, it’s going to be devastating for me! I feel traumatized, like I have PTSD all over again. I’m waiting for a dream or a sign from her, as I have had with past pets that have passed, it hasn’t come yet. I only had the dream about the animal medium, that I contacted her, and that was my sign that I should follow through with that to hopefully connect with her spirit. I just don’t want to go on without her, I’m not saying that in terms of ending my life, it’s just the feeling every day without her it just gets harder. I know it’s so soon, but everyone else around me is doing so much better & im getting worse. I had the strongest bond with her but everyone reacts differently. I’m thinking of seeing a grief counselor and there’s a support group on the 11th I’m going to. I just feel so bad, I’m not even leaving the house :( I don’t know what advice I’m looking for, I guess I just feel alone and I just love her so much it breaks my heart she suffered the way she did, and I have no answers... like my vet said, the hardest thing for him is when there are no answers & it was probably the same with her brother that passed. Ugh, I can’t inagine life without her. Thank you for your time!
Becca12

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #2 
So sorry for your lost, I too have lost my soulmate, she was a Maltese, 13 years old, passed suddenly... about 2 weeks ago. You’re going to go thru grieving stages; sadness, the “i can’t believe this is real”, the “i should of done more” , mad/ anger, back to sad again. It’ll take time... take your time, I too have felt lonely without her and I miss her, I’m so glad they have a site like this, you’re not alone, you have people who are grieving too, your baby girl would want you to smile and cherish the moments you’ve had with her. Think about the happy times, and how lucky you were to have her in your life. (:
twinkiesmom

Registered:
Posts: 782
 #3 
I am so sorry for your loss of your precious Annie. I have a special affinity for Chihuahuas. My first dog was a Chihuahua, We rescued her from our abusive neighbors and though she was only with us two years she stole my heart the first moment I saw her. You had no way of knowing she had genetic issues and though her time was so short you showered her with so much love, something many fur kids never have. Please do not be hard on yourself for not being with her, she was getting the best care possible. Last November my little dog was diagnosed with kidney disease and had to be hospitalized for several days and I felt the same way. I understand how hard this is, your empty arms the tortuous nights without her cuddling close, constant tears. Be kind to yourself, let the tears flow, do whatever eases your pain. Talking to an animal medium may help, I hope so. All of us at Petloss understand your pain and are here whenever you need us. Again I am so very sorry.

Twinkiesmom
Maggiesmum

Registered:
Posts: 3
 #4 
Oh Anniesmom everything that you have written above is exactly how I feel . I lost my beautiful girl 3.5 weeks ago she was coming up to 11. The past few months she had a few issues and I thought we were starting to accept she was growing old and I thought I was preparing myself . Mags would be sick every few days then go straight back to normal . I had a lot of work commitments and social things happening and the two days before she passed I had a terrible migraine . I was so looking forward to having Saturday night with her and my husband finally some quiet time having been away the night before. My sister moved house so I thought I would go collect her kids and dog whilst she unpacked and Maggie played all day in the garden with my sisters dog slowly chasing a ball and still putting the younger dog in her place . I dropped them back home and settled In for the night for Maggie cuddles . Around 11 pm she was sick and wouldn’t come back in so we had to carry her into the house and we knew we had to take her to the emergency vet and my husband said it may be time . This had happened a few times in the last few months and the she would be back to normal within an hour or two . I was so disappointed at the emergency vets as I thought they would examine her and be able to tell is it was time but said without her history they couldn’t really advise . They said her breathing was a little off as she was panting . They have her a strong opioid and said this should see her through to the morning . I don’t know if I was in denial or my mind shut down but before we went into the vet she turned around to me and lay her head on my shoulder which makes me cry now whilst typing.
We took her home and my migraine came back in full ferocity I lay with her on the floor and held her paw conscious not to be too in her face if she was feeling ill. She moved around a lot and then I lay on the couch next to her I lay with my eyes shut trying to calm my head. Every time I opened my eyes she was staring at me so intensely . After a few Hours I said to my partner I need to go lay upstairs for an hour and let my meds kick in so I can be with her more tomorrow . 2 hours later my husband ran up to get me an said I think she is about to go as I got to her two huge breaths left her body so I know I was too late and that the air leaving her body was a result of this . I feel so racked with guilt as I feel she was trying to tell me mum I’m going when she was staring at me. I don’t know if I had gone into denial but I thought I would have the next day with her and that we would then be taking her back . She was laid at the end of the bed we had brought down to the living room a few weeks earlier and my husband said he was laid with her but I’m constantly questioning him as when I had gone up he was half asleep and I’m hoping he’s not telling me this to make me feel like she wasn’t alone. Maggie had a wonderful life with us and was spoilt rotten we always took her to the vets when she was sick . I’m so angry that all I am focusing on is the last day when it absolutely didn’t define her or the life she had. I have become obsessed with reading books about pet afterlife and about people’s dogs stories. I am desperate to have a dream about her so that i can get closure on the last days . I totally understand and relate to everything you said I don’t want to hoover the stairs as they have her dog hairs on the steps . I kiss he ashes first thing in the morning and last thing at night . The grief is overwhelming I constantly cry and like you wonder why everyone is carrying on with life when my heart is breaking . Your post has made me realise this is normal I want to look back with laughter and joy and stop feeling guilt. I still rush home from work thinking I need to let her out she’s had a long day . I have lost family members and my darling dad but this grief feels very different and I don’t know if that is because humans can communicate where as we don’t know what our beloved pets are thinking . Sending you big hugs Anniesmom 🐶❤️
AnniesMom

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #5 
Thank you so much for the replies and the very kind, supportive words. It means so much to me. I am so sorry for your losses, my heart is with you... you both certainly get it. I’m not the best at math but I do know It’s been 16 days, 22 hours and 20 minutes since she gained her wings, I don’t know why but I have been counting as the days go by - and every single morning I wake up & the clock strikes the time she passed, I get that gut reaching feeling as if I’m experiencing it all over again. Every Monday (also Saturday, Sunday) that has passed has been difficult. Because those were the days she was at the hospital. I have to say though, days have gotten easier, it’s just certain times (morning & night) that are still extremely rough. While things have gotten better in some ways, I still cry daily & sometimes I truly convince myself she’s still in the hospital and she’s still alive, & I have to force myself back to reality. I’ve been attending support groups (2x a month, 1 is tonight which I’m planning to go to at the vet hospital), the first once I went to was just 2 days after I lost my Annie & I’m usually one who won’t allow myself to cry in front of strangers but I just broke down - couldn’t help myself but it was helpful to know I was around people who understood & did not judge me. My mother, while good intentioned, told me about a week ago that I just need to “get over it already” as if I shouldn’t be able to grieve the loss and honor the love I shared with Annie. That particularly shattered me and I forgive her because sometimes people just don’t know what to say & are uncomfortable with death. I have continued to allow myself to feel ALL of the feelings, not running away from them and I think that’s been the smartest thing for me - I have a history of stuffing feelings in and it’s never helped. Through all of this, ive learned a lot. I was afraid I’d fall apart but I am still standing (granted, it’s very painful still-those pings of pain like I’ve never felt that intensely). I’ve realized I am more resilient than I give myself credit for. I realized my beloved Annie never died, because she will forever live within my heart and my love for her keeps her alive in my heart... I still cannot even get myself to wash any sheets or blankets with her hair on it & im very insistent nobody lays there or moves them... I don’t know if I think I gather enough hair of hers I could put her back together again or it’s just all I have left aside from her ashes. I still have not washed clothes that were left from her last days that have even a strand of hair. The woman who runs the support group has been in contact with me, & told me that’s okay, not to force myself to remove all of that now... & when I feel ready, I’ll know. I’m so desperately trying to hold onto everything in this physical world of her that I have left, & even though I have her ashes, I feel like the only thing that still makes me feel close to her is the hair she left behind all over my pillows, sheets etc. I cried 2 nights ago pleading for her back, and I’m so afraid to forget ANYTHING I loved about her. Though she didn’t “smell” she had a smell that I absolutely adored and the blankets still have that smell... I don’t want to forget that smell & im scared as time goes on, that won’t be there anymore. I guess I’m stuck in the physical aspects of it and haven’t come to terms with being okay that now it’s spiritual. She came to me in my dream last night, it’s been so hard to sleep so I’ve been waiting for it... I mean, I saw her in my dream & im pretty sure it was a visit, but because I take melatonin each night sometimes it makes me too groggy to recall every detail. Ugh, this hurts more than any death I’ve ever gone through and that’s saying a lot. Since I wasn’t able to be there when she passed, even though that morning when I spoke to the vet I intended to go straight down there but she told me to come at 12 & I figured I should do that but she passed an hour later - since she was in seclusion at that point the counselor set up a meeting so I could go to the place her soul left her body and meet the nurse that was with her. It was difficult to do but I’m so glad I did it because that’s something that was so important to me, to be there through good and bad. It’s really crazy the amount of compassion I would have for someone else but I don’t give it to myself. The medium told me she passed without me because it would have been too hard to say goodbye - I won’t talk much about that because I think we’re not supposed to, it’s just a part of my story... so I’m going to believe that, whether it’s true or not because I’m such a skeptic but she did say a lot of things nobody else would have known. This is just so rough, when I think I’m moving forward, I take steps back - when I think I’ve moved through a stage of grief, I go to another & it’s not in order but I suppose that’s just the way it is. I’m hanging in there, thank you both for reading my long post. I just type the way I would talk so I think sometimes it’s all over the place. I’ve realized for me at least there’s no such thing as moving on, because that would mean she’s left behind - but it’s moving forward WITH HER. She was a soul mate without a doubt, there was a connection on another level w/ her like I never experienced before & ive loved so many dogs that have passed immensely - with her, she was the first female dog & just something that was undeniably special. I’m trying to hang in there & watch speeches on YouTube about grief - that’s been helpful. I feel if I just “move on” I’m not honoring her, but I’m also trying to honor her by trying to only remember the good times... it’s just difficult right now, sometimes out of nowhere something triggers those last few days & im back to experiencing guilt, that feeling of immense sadness etc. Again, thank you for your replies, I am so sorry for your loss(es) there really are no right words... The only thing that never dies is love & that is something we carry with us forever so they’re never really gone. <3
SheCatWoman2

Registered:
Posts: 18
 #6 
your post is emotional and thank you for posting every word, a lot of which I can relate.

For me its over a month now and I feel so, so low, it has hit me so hard this time round, but, I need to just do things or not do anything at all, at my own pace, whatever that is, however slow that is, even when it feels at a standstill.

I don't hold back with emotions right now, though it is so hard to deal with.

Feel for you xx

MossimoLove

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #7 
Anniesmom,

im so sorry you have to navigate this difficult time. your words connect so personally with me as I have been processing my grief in similar ways (fully immersed in the grief feelings, not being able to clean or move anything yet).  I too dont want to lose my boy's tangible memory (smells, fur, clothing, toys, treats, the list goes on...) I still set out fresh water in his bowl.  I too struggle with sleep, and wake in panic in the night.  Nights and early morning esp Sundays/Mondays are very difficult.  Ive been watching pet medium videos, listening to Pema Chodron talks, anything to help me process the present reality. 

I just want you to know that I feel you pain and you are not alone in processing your feelings and how they manifest externally. 
Thank you for courage to share your sorrow. In silent solidarity, with love and lightness,
Mossimo's mom
Anastacia
babydaisy

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #8 
Anniesmom

I am so sorry for your loss.

Almost everything you said you are feeling I am feeling too.
I lost my Chihuahua and called her my daughter, she was always either in my arms or on my knee and I haven't been able to wash the things with her hair on. I can't open my blinds either or start doing things that i Iast did when she was here with me..

The heartache is just awful and you were not to know about her illness, you only loved your baby and she knew this. I have my baby's ashes but can't take them out of the storage box which is where I have put them along with her blanket. I have another box too which I will fill with her other belongings but in time..

Please keep in touch on here because people understand and offer comfort. I feel your loss and pain, give yourself time and be gentle with yourself..

Twinkiesmom

I too had a Chihuahua and I lost her to kidney failure and arthritis. I managed to stabilise the kd with hills prescription food and she was on steroids for the arthritis (which was making her fur fall out) but after 1 year her health declined and she was loosing weight and could hardly walk..She was my 1st dog, a rescue and absolutely beautiful :_(((
AnniesMom

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #9 
Thank you all for the replies and taking the time to read my post(s). It truly means so much to me. I’ve wanted to come on many times within the past week but I haven’t felt I was in a place where I could type out anything, to think about things anymore than I already was. I am so sorry for everyone’s loss, I’ve read every reply & you all understand. This may sound crazy to a lot of people but I feel like I lost a child. I do have a son, I have never experienced the loss of a child so I really have nothing to compare it to, however that’s how it feels. I have 1 child & decided to stop there - as I mentioned in an earlier post, my beloved Annie triggered the same feelings I had when I had my son - it really was no different for me emotionally. Much of the world doesn’t understand the impact of losing a family member, an animal, how devastating it can be, sometimes even more than the grief someone may have felt for a human family member that’s passed away. I can only speak for myself - this loss has affected me more than any other human loss. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love the others or care immensely, it’s just a different type of grief I’m feeling, I guess that’s the only way I can describe it.

Yesterday morning, Monday - it was the 3 week mark since my Annie gained her wings. I still haven’t washed anything with her hair on it. It’s crazy b/c I never realized how much hair she would shed, I almost feel like it was left it in certain places more than I had ever seen before for a reason. It’s what keeps me comforted & allows me to feel parts of her are still there with me in bed when I sleep, on the couch when I relax. I’m okay w/ not washing those things & I don’t know when I’ll be ready to. This is coming from someone who is extremely anal about cleanliness & cleaned every day, washed/changed my sheets every 2 weeks. I just cannot bring myself to do it. I have had a talk w/ my mom about this, when I feel ready, if she could come over & do it for me. She said of course - I just can’t see myself doing it that first time.

Grief is really complicated. While it’s seemingly a process of “moving on” - I know I will never move on and I don’t want to, b/c to me, moving on means to forget... & I will never forget my baby girl. Some days I have “good days” for the most part, but then I find myself back into another stage again. I don’t know why, but at night, something in my head triggers those last few hours what she may have been experiencing & a feeling comes over my body. A terrible feeling. I’m happy to say though, I’ve been praying for this & when I place her ashes next to my bed on the shelf I kiss the box & ask that I see her in my dreams... I close my eyes and right when I start dreaming but still semi awake, visions of her flash right before my eyes, of her wagging her tail. Last night, it was so beautiful & I remember since I was still semi awake, I smiled so big. I’ve had dreams when I lost pets before that I 100% feel were visits, & while so far I haven’t had a dream that was like those when I 100% knew & got a message from them, I’m happy with what I have.

Speaking of dreams, I recall in early August, while she was recovering from her spay surgery, a terrible dream that Annie had died. I don’t really dream much these days, so it was out of nowhere. Now, I look back & wonder if that was foreshadowing. I have to remember to tell myself there’s no way I could have known. I find myself being so angry about some things, like the vet who spayed her, I asked about setting up a check up post-surgery sometime after 10 days-he said he trusts me to keep the cone on & I didn’t need to bring her in. Now, I look at that as it would have been an opportunity to possibly catch the anemia, sepsis, & whatever was going on to cause all that was going wrong. Also, her bloodwork was not great that they ran pre-spay & I did contact the vet, I was never told so I assumed her bloodwork was great. Her RBC was slightly low & also something with her WBC, the first liners for fighting infection, were quite low- this is something during hospitalization that the vet taking care of her was focused on, b/c those being even lower then, meant they were probably at the site of an infection or something was wrong with the bone marrow. I don’t know if anyone would take my case, but I’m reviewing everything & I may pursue a lawsuit... but I want to make sure I’m coming from the right place with it & not just anger. It’s going up against a big corporation vet. So, we’ll see.

I just continue to bargain and plead for her back. I truly feel like she shouldn’t have been spayed since her bloodwork was not good, even if it didn’t save her in the end, at the VERY least, they should have told me about that bloodwork 3.5 weeks before she passed. Sorry for venting, I am so thankful for the support here... where people get it. I look back & realize how perfect everything was when she was here, our family was whole & I didn’t take 1 second of her life for granted. I have struggled with anxiety, ptsd, panic disorder & depression since my teens, & to look back at how life couldn’t have been any better those months she was with us, I am ultimately SO, sooo grateful to have had that time & I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. It’s really something special to have someone in your life that makes saying goodbye to, so difficult.... I can’t even think of getting another dog at this moment but I know I will, which will never replace Annie, but (for me) what a way to honor love then to multiply it. I continue to remind myself, of a quote I used to see all the time, it’s better to have love & lost then to never have loved at all... while I think it wasn’t exactly created about losing a loved one, I’m not sure but it rings true to me.

Annie was my fur daughter & always will be. She is my soul mate. I miss her smell, the way she would bark at my other dog whenever he would get too close to me... the way I would 100% stay uncomfortable in bed so that she was comfortable, the way after an hour in bed under the covers she would scooch up into my arms every single night... the way she would use her nose to communicate with me, everything. I just still cannot believe she’s not coming back & how empty life feels. Sometimes I watch some of the 1.5k videos & pics I have of her... & They all show me how much love she was surrounded by... & how happy she was. I’m so sorry that this is a reality for so many people but I’m glad there’s a place like this for support... because it is such a lonely feeling. I don’t know when this intense grief will subside, I know time will probably help in some ways... I know she taught me so much during her short life & b/c I was struggling w/ some depression when I adopted her - how much Annie loved me helped me love myself again. (also note: my son is around that age where he’s becoming more independent, doesn’t need me as much as he used to which is good b/c that’s what I’m preparing him for & the way it is, though he does everyday show me lots of love & hugs) So her needing me as much as I needed her, in a way, it helped me with my son growing up. I never want to make my son feel that him growing up shouldn’t happen or that it makes me feel any type of way, I know I did it at his age and it’s not bc I didn’t love my parents... while I didn’t adopt Annie for that purpose (I adopted her to love her), she taught me that it was all okay. & so much more. Thank you all again, for your replies... I read each of them more than once & I am so grateful for this community of people who love their animals so much, that in their own pain, they stop to help others. I always knew animal lovers were some of the best people out there, the kindest, HUGS TO ALL. Thank you for sharing your stories as well about your loved one(s), I feel every word and every pain. I know I need to learn the compassion I would absolutely have for each and every one of you, to start showing it to myself. I was always so terrified of death, hence having panic “disorder” - since my Annie left this earth, while I want to live a long fulfilling life, I’m not so terrified anymore... b/c I have faith that our souls will be together again when that day comes. She has given me so much & I will carry it all with me throughout my life. I wish it didn’t hurt so bad though, it’s been the toughest 3 weeks I think I’ve ever had! But yet again, I would go through this love and this loss again if given the chance because this love was AMAZING & if I never experienced it, or if I didn’t allow myself b/c I was too afraid of feeling the loss, I would have been missing out on so much. Bless you all & the souls of your loved babies. <3 All they knew was our love & they were so lucky to receive it as some don’t - & we were even luckier to have received theirs. <3 What did your beloved babies teach you? You don’t have to answer, it’s just a question the woman who ran the support group 2x a months I went to asked... & while 2 days after I couldn’t come up with an exact answer b/c I was still in shock, I know realizing all that she taught me & really thinking about it, helps me now knowing all the wonderful things she brought to my life, more than I even realized at that time. Love to all & again thank you for your time, kindness and compassion.
babydaisy

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #10 
Anniesmom

I really do connect with what you are experiencing .
My baby and I parted last month & I still haven't opened my blinds or washed the odd few items of clothing with a few hairs on them..I was told to take her blanket to bed but I'm frightened that the smell of her on it will disappear so it's still in her storage box..

That is nice to hear that you ask to see her in your dreams after kissing the box containing her ashes. I also kiss my baby's box of ashes and tell her that I love & miss her. I was on the floor crying tonight after I came home.

I have heard many people say that they feel like they have lost a child when they lose their beloved pet, including myself, and it is comforting to be around those who feel the same way or to talk to them. The love we have with our pets is consistent..They are our babies, partners, best friends, child, all rolled into one & it is normal to experience sadness to this degree and for however long it takes..

I have found a book which sounds wonderful - 'Goodbye pet and see you in heaven' by Bel Mooney! It was reviewed by Joanna Lumley - 'Bel Mooney's enchanting emotional journey links us all together, and it is as wise as it is touching'!

Jilly Cooper wrote - 'This beautiful book will bring cheer, comfort and inspiration to thousands of animal lovers, just as Bel Mooney's wonderful advice column helps and guides her readers'!

I will begin reading it tomorrow as it sounds very comforting..

Sending you comfort and support,
From one grieving & understanding pet lover to another..

babydaisy
Maggiesmum

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Posts: 3
 #11 
Hi Anniesmom and Babydaisy I read this book and it was a lovely read and gave me a lot of comfort . I am desperate to have a dream . I have recently found two pennies recently in my bedroom which I have read is significant .
Hugs to you 💕🐶
babydaisy

Registered:
Posts: 27
 #12 
Hi Maggiesmum.

I am so pleased to hear that someone has read this book and values it, I am really looking forward to reading it.

Last week when I saw a white butterfly I sent i gave it a message go give to my Daisy in heaven as I have heard people sometimes do this..I said that I send lots of sausages to her in heaven..

Sending peace and comfort!
AnniesMom

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #13 
babydaisy, I am with you on not losing the scent. I tell people “she may have smelled like a dog but to me, she smelled like roses!” This is another reason I don’t wash things yet. I always loved smelling her & I still do. I know you understand. It’s rough when everything is just left here, I don’t know I’ll ever be ready to disturb any of it, hopefully at some point I figure out something that can maybe include the hairs I gather & also just keep the blankets (& use them to lay my head on) - all’s I know is I’m totally not ready any time soon. Thank you all for the replies and babydaisy, so much for the book suggestion - I haven’t heard of it & I’m going to get it. From what you said & the replies talking about it, it sounds like a great book to read right now!

As for finding a penny, that sure is a sign. I looked al of that up, because I happened to find a dime on the ground in my bedroom on the floor, in a place I always look, because I always looked when Annie was here (sometimes in the night she would use wee wee pads in my bedroom if she couldn’t hold it until 5am). Also looked down because she was a puppy who could get into anything & I was always so careful. Although she had passed, I still had the pads down there & still do (they’re clean) and I swear I even looked down that morning, but certainly the night before. I went in my bedroom to grab my wallet from my purse, but before I made it there I saw 1 dime, and I had no idea the meaning it could have at that time. I just kept looking at it, perplexed, there was really no explanation & I picked it up and put it up on my dresser where I keep this angel coin thing I have. When I got back, I kept thinking of all the ways it could have possibly gotten there that would make it explainable. I couldn’t come up with anything and I then started to realize it may be a sign I was begging for the night before. I kept begging for a sign where I would *know* without a doubt that it was a sign. So when I researched, I read about pennies and dimes. That 1 is an angel number & a sign you’re being looked out for, sign from beyond. I also spoke with my mother in law who strongly believes in all of this like I do, and she shared some knowledge about it. I will always keep that dime, I even saw a holder that came up first thing on amazon (shockingly) without searching for anything.

Sounds like the book is about some of that. I would love to read it, I thank you all for the replies and discussion about how great the book is.. I truly believe I was meant to hear about that book & I truly thank you for suggesting it. You all are such wonderful people & I thank you for every word & sharing your stories. For reaching out even in your own pain to help someone else in pain. I intend to do that, too, I know how much it meant to me that people replied and read my LONG message(s), I want to show up for others in pain too. THANK YOU ALL <3
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