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sweetpepe

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Posts: 143
 #1 

This is something I can't talk about in the "real" world.  We had little Pepe PTS two months ago.  It was time as he was in great pain and could no longer walk.  His quality of life was gone.


I believe he's at the Rainbow Bridge and that brings some comfort.

Still I feel sad nearly all the time.  The thing is we are driving back to our old city for our youngest daughter's wedding. We leave in two days.  I should be so excited and happy and really getting into the spirit of the occasion and I feel like I am going through the motions.  I could kick myself.  I love my daughter so much and I am very happy for her.  I want to feel like the "mother of the bride" on top of the world and just bubbling over with all the excitement.  Yet I feel I am faking it.

I hope when we get there and are away from our house with all the reminders of Pepe everywhere I'll be able to "perk up".  I have friends here say "Oh you must be so excited for the wedding" and I say "Yes" but deep down I feel so much sadness over the loss of our dear Pepe that I feel like a fake. 

I'm afraid that one day I will look back on her wedding day and just kick myself that I wasn't as joyful, and as fully a participant as I would have wanted.  I'll try my very best to show the joy I should be feeling.   

Anyone else gone through something similar?  Thanks everyone.
DrewTenderHeartWolf

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Posts: 1,493
 #2 

(((((sweetpepe))))).  I am so sorry for your loss.  I do understand how hard it is to get back to feeling "normal" and all about just going through the motions of our day to day business.  When I lost Drew, I made myself devastatingly ill over the loss and felt as though I was walking around in a daze.  It's a good thing I work at home for I was barely able to function.  I didn't think I'd ever smile again.  However, Drew sent me an abandoned mama kitty and her four feral babies to care for.  The antics of the babies made me laugh and made me somewhat happy again.  It's been three years now, but I think of her all the time and when I look at her pictures, it makes me cry.

 

I think, once you get with your family, you will be able to focus on the happy time that it is.  That you still feel sad over the loss of Pepe is completely understandable.  He was part of your life for a very long time.  Try to remember all the happy and fun things you did together and remember that letting him go peacefully was your final gift of love to him.  You carry his love in your heart.  Let that love shine through whilst you are with your family.  I wish you much joy and happiness and congratulations as well.  Take care and know that your Pet Loss family is here for you.

 

Your friend,

 

DrewTenderHeartWolf

 

http://www.catster.com/cats/311365

Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #3 
Dear Sweetpepe:
I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Pepe.  I completely understanding how you are feeling.  I know there are many people who do not understand someones deep love for their pets and its very hard. 

Pepe will go with you to the wedding in your heart and you will think of him often.  Pepe will be watching over you and would want you to share this joyous day with your daughter. 

It's only been 6 week since my Meister went to Heaven and I do my best to be OK in from of my family but its difficult.  I talk to my Meister and tell him how I am feeling and you should also talk to your Pepe.  The tears you will cry at the wedding with be out of happiness and maybe some of those tears will be for your Pepe and that's OK too.

It's very very hard for you right now and you love your daughter and you love Pepe as one of your children and they all want their Moms and Dads to be happy.

I will pray for peace for you and I wish Pepe a Happy 2 Month Anniversary at the Rainbow Bridge. 

Mary
Meisters Mom








mw0263

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #4 
Dear Sweetpepe,

First let me say that I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Pepe.  It is an extremely difficult time for you right now and I know exactly how you are feeling.  Five days after I had to put my Comet to sleep I had to attend my cousin's wedding.  I really didn't want to be there but I went anyway but never faked any of my feelings.  It turned out that I was miserable and everyone that sat at my table with me were also miserable.  My daughter was one of the people there with me and she ended up going outside to cry because she hated seeing me in so much pain.  If I had it to do all over again, I think this time I would fake it and make it more of a happier occasion for everyone else around me.  When you really think about it, you really won't be faking it because had this not happened in your life and Pepe was still  there you would probably be over the top with excitement.  I'm not saying that you should disregard your feelings for your beloved Pepe but maybe take some time to talk to Pepe and tell him how you feel and that because you are trying to make this a wonderful occasion for your daughter you are not forgetting about him.  Get as much of the pain out, just you and Pepe and when you are ready to face the rest of the family maybe then you will be able to enjoy the day knowing that you had some "special" time with your Pepe.  I know how difficult it is to be there at a party when all you want to do is be home with your beloved dog.  This is an event that you will carry with you for the rest of your life and other family members are also going to walk away from this wedding and remember it for the rest of their lives so maybe even if you have to "fake" it (if you can) maybe you should.  I didn't and now I'm sorry that I didn't.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you do whatever you need to do to get through this horrible pain and also that you will be able somehow to enjoy your daughter's wedding.

Margaret
ChicosMommy

Registered:
Posts: 24
 #5 
I know how you feel. I am not expected at a wedding or family party, but am expected to do a campout/music fest in 2 wks. I have offered my ticket for sale. I wont be able to enjoy, that along with the fact there are some people I would rather not see.

A daughters wedding is a bit different. It is a joyous occasion. You may get in the mood of the happy day when you are there. Much strength to you and your family. It is hard to deal with the real world when your heart is breaking.
sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #6 
Thank you all so much.  When I get there, surrounded by my daughters who loved him too, and with the excitement of the wedding I will set aside my grief for that day and will smile for my daughter's happiness. 

And when I shed a tear it may be a bit of a "mixed up" tear (not sure how to put that) but it will be a tear of joy for my daughter and a tear of sadness and remembrance for Pepe. 

I like the idea of talking to Pepe before we go.
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #7 
I am so very sorry to hear your little Pepe has passed the Bridge.  I know you are still hurting so deeply, but Pepe is free from all pain, has tons of puppy energy, and is ready for a wedding.

So, ask Pepe to go to the wedding with you.  That way, his powerful, loving little spirit can be right beside you, enjoying all the festivities.   You mentioned how much your daughters love him, so he should definitely be a part of the day.  

You know, I don't really think of the Rainbow Bridge as some faraway, distant place.  Our furbabies were far too bonded to us for that to be true.  I prefer to think of it as a realm of existence that is a mere single heartbeat away. 

Once, after my little beloved terrier, Betsy, passed I dreamed she was sitting outside of my office waiting for me to invite her in.  Well, the next day I set up a little memorial for her next to my computer consisting of her photo, a vase with a fresh flower, and a carved angel.  I feel her spirit so strongly as I work.   I truly believe they are SO close to us, even when we cannot see them physically. 

So, please enjoy your daughter's wedding.  I know Pepe will.

Sending hugs and wishes for peace,
Melissa
Betsy's forever mom
sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #8 

Thank you Melissa.  We will also have him in spirit with us in our car as we drive there as we always brought him along.  He was such a good little traveller and would always sit on the lap of whoever the passenger was, as my husband and I took turns driving.   He would always know when a trip was in store as we'd have his little bed, leash, food, toys etc all next to our suitcases ready to go.  How he loved to travel!

mw0263

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #9 
Dear SweetPepe,

I really hope that you will find the joy that is inside you for your daughter's wedding on her special day.  I know how extremely difficult it will be for you because of the way you feel right now.  The pain of loosing a beloved pet is one of the worst things that happens to people who love their pets as deeply as we do.  My prayers are with you, your family, your daughter and Pepe that you will be able to find some comfort and joy on that day because you all deserve it.  By the way, if I haven't said it already Pepe was one lucky dog to have such a wonderful Mom and that he was loved by someone like you.  You gave him a good life and much love and for any of us but especially our animals there is nothing else that we need.  You gave Pepe as much love as you could and Pepe knew it and loved you the same way, with his whole heart.

Be good to yourself and in doing that you will honor your beloved Pepe.  Someone told me when my Comet passed on "to know her was a privilege and to love her an honor".  Remember that you and Pepe had both.

Margaret
Gypsymagic

Registered:
Posts: 219
 #10 
Sweetpepe,

Talk to your doctor and ask for an anti-anxiety pill--low dose--just enough to get you through the few days of the wedding festivities. It's hard to fake it joy, but for your family's sake you know you have no choice. It's your daughter's big day, and Pepe would want you to find a way to at least seem happy, even if you're still crying on the inside. Bride's mothers cry sometimes, so if a tear slips out it won't be noticed.
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