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taypee

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Posts: 8
 #1 
this is my first time doing something like this, but this is the first time ive lost a pet at an age where i personally had to make the hardest decision ive ever had to make.  
I had to make the decision to put down my sweet oakley after almost 12 years together.  Oakley had a mild case of laryngeal paralysis, diagnosed in march of this year, everything was ok at the time, the vet told us to keep an eye on him and make sure he had lots of water.  he still was full of so much life, just with a raspy voice.. but this past saturday i noticed things had suddenly got a lot worse, i made an appt to have it checked out.. i honestly thought it was going to be a check up, maybe i was being naive, i dont know.. but i really thought he would be coming home with us that night - he didnt.  things were worse than we thought,  and i knew the situation would be bad at the vets because it stressed him out going there.. i was right, it was bad. one side of his lungs had filled with fluid at the vet told us we should put him down.  im 27, and when my mom gifted me with this small fluffy great pyrenees puppy at age 15 i never thought one day id have to make this horrible crushing decision.  it was the hardest signature i ever had to do.
my heart is broken, its only been a few days and i know time will heal my wound but i feel so lost, i dont want to accept that hes gone.. i want to go home from work and see him waiting at the door for me. 
i hate that our last moments together were so traumatic ... its all i can think about. i almost regret taking him to the vet in the first place because i know he wouldnt have gone into that episode if he wasnt at the vet office ... and i know thats crazy for me to say, what if it happened one day at home .. at 2 am, what would i have done? i just wish i would have known it was going to all come crashing to an end so soon.. i would have taken him for a longer drive, he loved going for drives in the car, i just wish i could have done something more for him. even though i know, deep down this was the best thing i could do for him ...
yesterday my partner and i went to the shore with our other dog, i had found some comfort in the poem rainbow bridge ... and when we got to the shore, over the bay there was a huge rainbow, it lasted for maybe 10 minutes but i know it was a sign, i know it was him. 
im so lost.. im so sad, everyone keeps telling to remember the good times i had with him, but at this point i dont want to - im not ready to. i just want oakley back. 
twinkiesmom

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Posts: 839
 #2 
I honestly don't know if what I had written posted so will try again. I am so sorry for your loss of Oakley. There are no words to soothe your aching heart but it always helps me to know someone cares and offers support and kindness. We all have a case of the if only's. If only I had taken him for more car rides, given more treats, etc. I think dogs live in the moment and what made him happiest was simply being with you. You gave him love and care, providing for his every need, you were his world. If only all dogs were so blessed. Sadly their bodies wear out far too soon and all we can do is release them from their pain. And as their pain ends ours begins and only time and millions of tears will begin to bring healing to us. After a while we will be able to smile as we remember all the joy we shared and understand that though they can't be with us in the physical sense they can never really leave us, they are forever in our hearts. I have always heard they send us signs of reassurance and believe you are right about the rainbow. You may even feel as if he is near you, almost close enough to touch. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Rest in peace Oakley.
liveitthebest

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Posts: 1
 #3 
I lost pet twice in the same year two years ago and until now, I still can't help but shed a tear whenever I remember them. Losing a pet is never easy as I could not focus on my job during that time.


overwhelmed

Registered:
Posts: 63
 #4 
Hi Taypee:   so very very sorry about the sudden loss of your dear Oakley.
The suddenness of it all and the grief knocks the wind right out of you doesn't it.

I have had both the sudden unexpected loss (emergency euthanization) and the situation where I've booked an appointment for euthanization in advance and got the opportunity to say goodbye.  I must tell you, I can't say that either situation is easier or better - they both come with insurmountable grief. And no matter how many deaths of a beloved pet you experience, I can't say they are getting any easier.

Taypee you did the right thing. As you say, can you imagine if it happened at 2am - or when no one was around?  I wonder sometimes if our dear pets choose the time ( and not us as we think).

I understand you can't look back on those beautiful memories just yet. That's ok.  We all grieve differently, right now you just have to get through the sorrow - one day at a time.

It is obvious from your post that Oakley was much loved. And how amazing that you got a sign in the form of a beautiful rainbow!!!




taypee

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #5 
thank you all for your kind words, i didnt know going into this how i would feel, or if i thought it would help, but i am finding comfort in what you are saying - so thank you.  im glad i made the decision to reach out, i want to talk and hear others stories with dealing with the grief of losing a pet.   i was able to take one day off of work, though i feel i needed more... ive been scared of what people will think of me, i know some people understand, but some people think "oh its just a dog" but to me he wasnt.  my partner and mom keep telling me, if people are like that, then i should feel bad for them that they have never felt a love like the love i had for oakley.  Id like to share a picture of him with you all soon, he was such a beautiful dog.  i would walk him in town just to watch the people driving by turn their heads to look at him. he sure was majestic 
Sadguy

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #6 
I am so sorry for your loss. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I just lost my long time best friend Bosco to cancer on tuesday. he was a 13.5 year old basset hound. I am devastated also and not sure how to deal with any of this. You are in my prayers my friend
taypee

Registered:
Posts: 8
 #7 
thank you sadguy, i am also so sorry for the loss of Bosco.  Its not easy, its extremely painful.  i cried a lot, and it was my way of coping, even if it meant going to work with puffy red eyes everyday.  yesterday was the first day since saying good bye that i was able to make it a full day without crying (almost) i did shed a few tears laying in bed before falling asleep.  time will heal all wounds, im thinking of you
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