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Posts: 3
I am moved by all the posts that i read and know that i am not alone but somehow it helps a little but i can not seem to get to the place of closure.  I still have his stuff everywhere and do not think it matters as to whether it is here or not as his presence outweighs anything else.  Some say would it be better if u put it away?  I say "no not really cuz his presence is not here and it does not matter if he is here or not, it will not change the way i feel or make a difference to my feelings of closure".   How can u erase 17 years of companionship  I just went thru a bunch of photos of us together, collecting them over 17 years.  Gave me pleasure to see them and more sorrow at the same time.  What can i say i miss the little guy.  The absence is so deep.  I feel so alone.  And in a wierd sort of way like married couples of 50 years seem to pass within months of each other pass cuz they can not live without each other cuz their heart is so broken.  I now understand what that means.  I have this wild and unexplainable feeling that i am not far behind. 

Posts: 440

I am so sorry for the pain I can feel through your post.  It is hard to find closure and many of us here don't.  But I think that's okay.  I think like you said when you have a relationship like the one you describe, their presence is always felt and when gone, missed terribly.

As far as your baby's things, keeping them around is something everyone has their own personal take on.  I actually put most of Jasmine's things away immediately to help my children cope.  I still take those things out on occasion privately.  Also, I display photos when I can handle it and put them away when I can't.  Again, it's different for each person here.

Your comment about couples and broken hearts leading to the other following shortly thereafter worries me.  You are obviously in alot of pain and deep in the throes of grief.  But you are not alone, please know that.  Also, if you need more support, you should definitely seek it out too.  Sometimes the overwhelming day to day pain is too much to bear on your own and in some cases you shouldn't try to.  There are so many avenues available and your baby wouldn't want you to be so sad.

Again, I hope some healing and comfort come your way soon.  Please know we are here and you are not alone.  Also, keep us posted on how you are doing, we really do care.

                              Hugs to you, JasminesMom (Kathy)


Posts: 9
Everyone gets to mourn in their special way - you keep Paco's things around you as long as you need them!  Don't worry about what others might think.  I know your little doggie is in a better place but we are left here to muddle along as best we can. 

When I was in my late 20's, on my own and all alone in the big city, I rescued a ragdoll cat from the shelter.  He was my one and only consistent buddy - when I was fighting with friends, sick with the flu, or sad over a breakup, he was there with a warm paw and a loud purr. 

I got 12 amazing years with that cat and lost him to diabetes when I turned 40.  Even though I knew that he was sick and that my time with him was coming to an end, when he finally stopped eating and drinking, I was absolutely destroyed - I remember trying to get him to drink or eat anything - even spoonfeeding him towards the end. 

When I took him to the vet to have him euthanized, I was a complete and utter wreck.  I'm sure I frightened everyone in the vet clinic that morning.  Afterwards, I just wandered around weeping.  Even today (15 yrs later) I tear up thinking about it.  I have other furfriends since then - I just lost one this week - and it doesn't get any easier but my life would be so dry and devoid of life without their companionship.

I wanted to share this story with you because our little furfriends really get into our hearts and we miss them so very much when they are gone but don't forget to remember all the good times you have had and how lonely and desolate our lives would be without them.

I am thinking warm and peaceful thoughts for you and dear sweet Paco - I wish I would have had a chance to meet him. 

Posts: 9
Sorry - I was rambling on there, started thinking about Mika and lost the point I was trying to make:  Don't be hard on yourself - it is tough place where you are right now and it feels so lonely - it really hasn't been that long since Paco passed and you will feel empty, hollow and sad for a long time but eventually you will see that, at least for the memory of Paco, it is important to pick up and continue on. 

I kept myself busy with many distractions after I lost Mika - also I made mental notes of all the good times I had with him and when I would start to feel sad, I would go over all the good times we had and how those memories don't go away. 

I don't think Paco would want you to be sad forever. We don't want you to either - peace, joy and love to you always.  Zazoo :)

Posts: 115

I can feel your pain and im feeling the same myself>I lost my girl of 161/2 years a little over a month ago.We can only try and get better for them as they lived life to make us happy.Im sure paco would not want you to feel so unhappy>I too feel so alone and also have my girls stuff all around the house so im going thru similair hearthache.It is a horrible empty feeling and i dont know if there will ever be closure to it.You have to feel that your relationship with paco will never end.Yes psychically he is gone but his love and your love and bond can never be broken.His spirit wil always be with you.I feel the same as you so you are not alone.But you have to take the pain of losing when you love so much.I would still choose to love even though when they are gone we hurt so much.Try to remember paco as you and him were happy.I know not easy to do but it may help.Paco was a lucky guy to have someone like you who loved him so much>take care of yourself


Posts: 5,100
Dear Paco's mom,

I am so sorry you are suffering so.   But, it has not even been one month since Paco passed, so your grief is still so new and raw.   He was with you for seventeen years which is a LONG time.  He became a part of your heart... and mind.   So, now there is a big hole in both.  

We often talk about the effect our babies' deaths have on our hearts, but loss also affects our minds.   In the course of loving someone, they become a part of the neural (nerve) network in our brains, so when they leave us, we have all kinds of grief.   We ache, we yearn, we long, we feel sick to our stomachs, we have strange thoughts and fears, and we HURT in ways we can't quite comprehend.  For most of us, over time, the intensity of the grief wanes and is replaced by wonderful memories that sustain us.  But, this takes time.

While I think I understand your comment about couples passing away in close proximity to each other, I also have a concern that you feel your death may follow.   Sometimes, it is not enough to simply type into a computer and read words of support.   Sometimes the only thing that really helps is to find a good grief counselor.   This is not a sign of weakness.   Many of us on this site have sought help when we felt we needed to do so.  

I will say a prayer for you that you find the strength to continue on and find meaning in life.   Please keep coming here if it helps.  We have ALL felt very, very down like you are feeling at one point or another, and have found solace here.   We will be here for you.  You are not alone.

Sending hugs,
Betsy's forever mom

Posts: 567

First I'm sorry for your loss.   You can not erase 17 years if companionship, he was part of your life.  Don't listen to what people say about putting his stuff away, leave it there.  You will know if and when you want to do something with it.  It's your decision and not theirs.  It's hard going through pictures, I am still trying to go through Nina's, very hard.  I truly understand your pain.  Your last sentence concerns me, you are on an emotional roller coaster.  We have all experienced ups and downs. Please come here as often as you need to, we will help you.  But if you feel a deeper need for help, please seek a grief counselor that deals in pet loss.   When you feel up to it, share more about your little guy, we would love to hear about him.  Perhaps a picture to share when you are ready.

I will say an extra special prayer for you during this time,
Nina Maria's Mom

Posts: 820

I feel the sadness everyday.  I have two faces, the one I show people who think you should be over it and the one I have when I am alone.

My Rupert has been gone 16 weeks now and sometimes I feel was he really here or not.  I think I haven't gone through all the stages of grieving because I cant accept it.  I was just crying at reading a sad thread and Minnie jumped on my lap to comfort me.  She was never a loving cat but she has changed since we lost her brother.   When he died I wanted to go with him as I felt I couldn't go on without him but my kids need me.  They are the only things that get me out of bed in the morning.

I have photos everywhere and they make me cry too.  I have his toy mouse, cat bowl his ashes and a chunk of the fur they shaved off him.  It still smells of him.  That is how I know he was really in my life.

I miss him so much, he took a piece of me heartwhen he left and his sister is trying to comfort me.

Hopefullly you will find a way to cope.  Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself.  Cry whenever, don't care what other people think.   Grief is different for everyone.

A psychic told me his spirit is still in my house and around his sister.  I feel he his around me and his spirirt will pass to a new cat she said when I am ready to get one. I hope that is true.

Thinking of you Ruperts Mum
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