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Cannot_Function

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Posts: 6
 #1 

My dog passed away last Christmas Eve. It was a routine dental. He was young and healthy. There are many questions surrounding the incident, the way it was handled from the start by the vet, and the state is investigating.  In the meantime, I have had difficulty forgiving my husband whose idea it was to have this done. He was the one to drive him there.

My husband can have a demanding or insistent personality. I don't know how I allowed my dog to get this done. I was against it from the start. I wasn't too concerned about doing it at the time. The holiday was coming around and I knew it could wait. An important thing to mention is this was not our regular vet. This was someone we only went to a few times. We were under the impression our regular vet had moved farther away than we later learned. So many mistakes and bad decisions. I am primarily responsible for my 3 dogs (now 2) from deciding what food they eat, which maintenance meds (flea/tick, heartworm) and when to give.  Everything. It seemed like my husband just took control and wanted to be in charge. I had so much time in between to change the course of this and I regret now that I didn't. 

This was our Alpha Dog. He made everything great.  Both of us were very close to him. Although I've had grief counseling, and my husband has participated, I am still unable to forgive myself and my husband even after all these months. It seems to be intensifying with the impending holidays approaching, only a tragic reminder.  The loss has had such a great impact on me that I live with terrible guilt, and my dog was healthy and young. I need to give myself some space, so I have been contemplating divorce or separation despite my counselor suggesting giving it more time. Men grieve differently I am told. A recent glance at my dog's video had him turn his head and he stated he would be upset to look at it.  This is something he doesn't discuss with me. He doesn't express his grief, loss, or feelings. Sometimes I feel alone as if he is too cold to care, which makes me want to be alone. 

I'm still bitter and resentful. I just know in my heart that my dog would be here if I had my way or if my husband had just minded his own business and left these things up to me. I may have gotten the dental done, but not in such a hurry.  I never wanted to continue with that vet since we had only been there a few times. It wasn't even convenient. From the start, I wanted to stay with our vet we had for over 5 years, all we had to do was reach out to him. My husband insisted on sticking with this other guy, and to make matters worse, I suggested him.   Here I am, feeling we are both to blame for the premature death of our dog for an elective procedure that could have waited or maybe never be done. Too many details. They are in my other post (My_Little_One_is_Gone). 
 
I'm not managing well. My relationship is on the line.  Have any of you gone through a loss where you feel another person was a contributing factor and/or you as well?  Has it broken up close relationships?  Have you been able to heal?  How did you manage?  What helped?  Are you still in the same locked position as I am?  Thanks for any advice or insight.



grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #2 
Very horrible things can happen in life. When my cat Pearl "died" (was horribly euthanized by a vet she had never seen before), I went beserk. It was probably the first thing in my life that put me over the edge. She became what seemed like suddently very sick (from regular to very sick, not just sick) but hadn't always been sp I did not have a regular vet. Instead of a specialist, I found a vet clinic willing to take on her case for thousands less. In my naivete, I thought that all vets knew how to do the same thing. So why pay more? Especially when you didn't have it. To make a long story it was the nightmare from hell. From A-Z. You asked if anyone blamed someone else or themselves as a contributor to pet loss. My ordeal occured in 2012 and I am still resolving it. For many years I wanted to kill the vet and I was aghast at how I had "mistreated" my baby daughter by taking her to a vet office where they had no experience with  her type of illness but thought they could handle it.  I could not believe as an educated person, that I used what I would describe as horrible judgement. I was furious I wasn't richer and blamed myself for not working in my chosen profession where I would have had enough money to take Pearl anywhere. I was just crazy with anger. At myself, at the vet for sure (that was murderous rage) and even angry at Pearl because I loved her so much and wanted her back and was ticked off she had died. And that her death was sloppy and complicated. This one thing has very likely been the one angry incident in life that has been hardest for me to come to terms with. So much hurt, so much anger. This is 2019 and I can say the anger has considerably gone from a 10 on a scale from 1-10, to much less. As you can see, it has taken many years and there is still remorse and depression from the situation. I did try counseling but all I could do was cry and no one, no one..understood my angst. What helped and I have said it here before was calling pet loss hotlines. I am at a point now where I can admit that horrible things happen in life and Pearl's story is one such event. It does not take away from the love I had and have for  her. And it was more than an event. This was my daughter's life we are talking about. However time has really made a huge difference. In my case years. I will say I seriously in a huge and major gigantic way blamed the vet. So that is one person I believed contributed to Pearl's death. The level of hate and anger has been mind bogling. I am a lawyer by trade and knew where to direct what I was feeling inside. And that was the pocketbook of the vet. I made him reimburse me for every penny I laid out in his clinic, including her euthanasia or I was going to sue. Or so I told him. He did reimburse me and I signed a legal document that you sign after you reach a settlement with someone. I wish you well. It was my underlying belief that I had failed Pearl as a mother. That I had done a horrible, terrible job as a mother and this was what I offered my daughter. Euthanasia by a stranger. I crucified myself for what I described as hateful behavior. Because it was not loving, that's how I saw it. I still don't think it was loving. But it was not hateful.  The underlying rage was at myself because I had such contempt for the absolute failture I was as a mother to Pearl.  Only now I am not seeing myself as a failture. I messed up in that one situation in herh life. Her major illness, the treatment and her death. But I was more to Pearl than that. And when the worst was happening to her. I was giving it my all. My all did not bring about a happy ending, but it is possible Pearl's death would not have had a happy ending no matter what. I loved her and would have died for her. I would have killed anyone who tried to hurt her which is why I had such rage at the vet. I can promise you that over time this rage will begin to ease. The thing is, I only know about it from my own experience and in my case it took many years for it to even begin to suside. And it was not counseling, it wasn't anything. It was just time. Time has dimmed it. It hasn't dimmed Pearl, it has dimmed the horrible ending her life took. I am so sorry for you. This kind of torture makes life a nightmare and living hell. God bless you, Stephanie
Maki

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #3 
I also blame my husband, I wasn't there, and the vet was panicking him, telling him it would be difficult to treat her at home. When I spoke to her on the phone she even said that it wouldn't be wrong for me to consider euthanasia. Sayuri was semiferal, scared, anxious, little dog. I had just put my 22 year old cat to sleep after fighting intestinal cancer. I know my husband meant well, he didn't want me to lose another Baby so soon after.
Specialist knew she was semiferal, she would always say, a dog like her. Had I been there, she wouldn't have stayed. Like you, I feel I was not strong enough to say absolutely not. I never like leaving them overnight. She died a horrible death, alone, in an oxygen cage, scared to death. She never treated her anxiety. I had asked her if she was sure it would help, and she said, " I wouldn't be telling you if I didn't think so". We live six hours away from the specialist hospital. Told me if I left her two nights, they could treat her aggressively, and she'd have a better chance. So, yes, for weeks I didn't want to be around my husband. He actually took off and stay at our other house three hours away. Said was tired of my anger. He also said he knew right away they killed her bc she was not in distress when he left her.
I think they restrained her roughly, caused trauma, she probably had a heart attack, got panic attacks, kept panting. She was not aggressive, she had fear. I can picture her in my mind looking everywhere to see if they were going to harm her. Sticking needles in her, doing decoupage. I am taking medication as I was going into a deep hole. Vet lied and said she had a fever. She did not
message me if you'd like to talk sometime
Go to Joey's Legacy on FB. They have a network of good vets that can look at records and see if they can find negligence.
Be well.
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #4 
Maki,

I so understand what you are saying. I felt this exact same way about Pearl.

God bless you,
Stephanie
Maki

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #5 
What I went through with Sayuri is so similar to Cannot_function. I think when my husband left, it felt good to have my space to grieve. I was figuring out in my mind how I would take care of my five other dogs and five cats on my own. I leave house at 5:00 am and return at 3;00 pm, I go take care of my granddaughter. He takes care of them. Let's them out, etc. Takes them to vet appointments, but I was coming to terms I'd rather be alone so I wouldn't have a daily reminder that he was also to blame. I take the biggest blame. I had the last word. I knew how scared she'd be, but by the sounds of it, I thought she was in really bad shape. My husband had her for 24 hours before appointment. So I just figured she had gone down hill fast, and that wasn't the case.
Did you have a lawyer, or someone that checked her records and that's why they agreed to settle quickly? I would like to just have some kind of justice for Sayuri. Not that the $2500 they got is so important, but it would show Sayuri I did something.
I'm glad you're climbing from that dark hole, are able to think of good memories more than the last few hours that you were both put through hell. Sayuri suffered alone, didn't even have the touch of my hand as she suffered in terror.
Be well.
Cannot_Function

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #6 
Stephanie and Maki,
I have so much to write in response to both of you. I'll get my thoughts together and write the rest of them here.  I am writing a short blurb for now.

Stephanie, I understand how you feel about the vet.  I thought all vets followed the same procedures and protocols, at my age, I am ashamed I was that naive.  This vet was out of the way, and more expensive, so spending more doesn't mean they are better.  It's because of his lies and their shabby business practices, why my dog is gone.  

Maki, Sayuri's fear you speak about sounds so familiar.  That was a main point I stressed in my state vet complaint. I believe they kept my dog in fear, and something sinister happened. I don't think he ever made it to anesthesia. Despite that vet knowing my dog was nervous and anxious, he kept him there in panic mode for a voluntary procedure.  That in itself is abuse. He wrote "fractious" in the notes so he gave himself away by acknowledging that.

I will be writing to you both, here, probably tomorrow. Have a good night.

~ Parker's Mom
grievingmom

Registered:
Posts: 639
 #7 
Hope to hear more from you,
Stephanie
Maki

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #8 
This topic really helps to understand that we should always question everything a vet says from now on. My poor girl. I trusted them. I always declined when they wanted to keep my cat at the ER to keep him on IV. Regular vet wanted to keep him there all day Friday, cost $600, and then transfer him to ER 24 hour hospital bc someone would be there. I took him in Saturday to ER for fluids bc I over panicked. Check him, fluids and more lab work $500. They insisted I leave him minimum two days, cost $4,000
I said no. Vet had diagnosed him w pancreatitis, took him to get ultrasound somewhere else, he didn't have pancreatitis, he had colon cancer. Two vets wanted to put him down. One that came to house told me to set a day. Told her I couldn't do that bc he had many good days. I nursed him at home until he totally stopped eating and he vomited his pain meds. He was with me three more months, and it was the most wonderful time together. He loved to be brushed, took him out on the grass. He was 22 years old. He crossed four days before Sayuri got sick. Never expected Sayuri to die. It's been three 11 weeks of pure agony. Please keep writing. We didn't get to say bye to our Babies, hold them, they were cheated out of life. Sayuri loved life.
Blessings
Cannot_Function

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #9 
Hello Stephanie,

By being a lawyer by trade, was it an advantage to know the law vs. with me, I have no clue what I am in for when I take this vet to small claims.  I don't know where to begin. They don't tell you much at the court. They just give you papers. I will defend myself because over here they don't allow lawyers for small claims. It's not the money at this point. I've already paid the bills. I want to get him on record if the judge would come down on him and charge him.  I don't want to settle. I want to fight him to the end. I don't know if I lose, if I can appeal, because I would appeal as many times as possible until I win or find I am fighting a losing battle, then settle with him for the most money I want and he will give up.  I will not stop there. I will be filing complaint against him with the Atty General. My state vet complaint is just being handled now. I don't have any conclusions or final statements. I guess I could use that for ammunition, but who knows how long that could take and if they would be disciplining or fining this vet at all.  I have of course, resentment, and pure hatred for this vet. This was no mistake or error. He never admitted that. If it was, I would think he would be honest enough to admit that. This was murder. They killed my dog somehow, something sinister happened and I believe it was hours after when they called me. He claimed he was "crying", but I never heard his voice quiver or sound sad. He was "a matter of fact" sounding. Very vague and would not say much. Tried blaming the food I fed my dog.  He knew about the food more than a year before this, so if he's such a responsible vet, and thought the food was a risk (grain-free), then he should have taken precaution BEFORE the procedure, not say that to me after my dog passes because he was grasping and couldn't think of anything else, except to hold back the truth.  The whole place was a lie from the day I set up the pre-op.  Not only am I of course up set with this vet, I have held a strong resentment toward my husband because he was in a hurry to get this done and for some reason wanted it done there and I was against it. I really wanted to hold off and I didn't want my 2 little dogs going to this vet. We already had a vet for 5.5 years. This is where I have the problem with my husband. I blame him for setting this in motion and ultimately giving that vet a license to kill our dog. I am so heartbroken. There was nothing wrong with my healthy 6 year old dog. His teeth weren't even that bad. The vet never looked at his teeth!  The vet never told me he needed it. He just wanted our money. We were taking 2 dogs there. He saw dollar signs.  I had the last word and I let my dog go there.  He was a frightened little guy who didn't like to be handled by strangers. This place was strange to him. He had only been there 2 other short visits (one was pre-op).  My husband and I both knew he was fearful and I blame us for letting him go there, but in the long run, the vet was aware of this and never planned ahead with any kind of pill to get him to relax, never discussed with us, when my dog was "fractious" as he claimed in the notes, he should have aborted the procedure. I know my dog. He was having a hard time and trying to get out of their grips. I don't know if he did get out of their grips and fell and that's how he died, but of course, they won't tell me that. They will use the old excuse he didn't make it from recovery -- which is also a farce. There are many drugs and things that can be done to save a pet in recovery, if they are being watched.  I've been told he could have been saved, but he was probably not being monitored -- if he was actually under anesthesia -- but who knows, because I didn't get an anesthesia record.  My other dog had his teeth cleaned there months before and his anesthesia record only showed start and finish.  From what I am told, vitals are recorded every 5 minutes. So that report was against the rules. Oh, I am getting my vet complaint ready about that one. I'm caught in this web. I have extreme hatred and disgust for this vet (many, many lies and they hid things from me), and i am resentful toward my husband who has not been much of a support system. I was curious to know if anyone has had similar feelings and experiences. And I see some of us have.

I'm sorry about Pearl.  I seems so surreal, doesn't it?  I know the feeling of "children" because I never had children. I am too old now. I took care of these dogs like they were my children. Never missed anything. Always on schedule. Did my research about food, meds. Cleaned their linens regularly.  Did everything I could to make sure they would live a long, healthy life, and someone decided to steal years from my dog's life and take away the best friend of my other dog, and the brother of another.  He decided when it was my dog's time to go because of his incompetence.  My dog Parker was 6. There was nothing wrong with him. He killed my dog, and on Xmas Eve. It's 10 months and grieve every day.  Yes, this is like torture. I had nightmares for months of my dog in peril, screaming, crying, terror-stricken at that place, while they held him down and allowed him to be in fear.  That's abuse. For a dental cleaning?  Vet acknowledged he was "fractious" so he should have aborted the procedure rather than allow my dog to suffer in fear. I did a lot of research. Asked a lot of professionals. Showed them the notes. I learned that Banfield Hospital (at Petsmart) has a protocol for fractious pets and they will not allow the pet to be in fear. They plan ahead and give something to calm the animal. If they can't do that for some health reason, or it doesn't work, and this is an elective procedure (teeth cleaning, as mine was), they will abort the procedure.  That's the right thing to do. I truly believe my dog would be here if went there!!! That evil vet never suggested a necropsy. He was so adamant that he did nothing wrong, so why not suggest a neropsy?  I didn't know about it till after my dog was cremated.  That vet is evil. The office staff is evil. They lied about everything, I learned this after I picked up my dog in a plastic bag.  That's when I read the "blank" notes, first saw the pre-op lab that they never told me about, so many things. That's when I asked professionals and did online research, read the laws, the codes, and put it all together for the state. I hope this state, this time, sees the wrong he did and he is disciplined to the highest level of the law with the most fines.  I know it's possible. I've seen archives, some were recent.  I am praying. I am not very religious, but I am praying. Parker needs justice AND I need to stop this vet before he kills another pet.   ~ Parker's Mom

Cannot_Function

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #10 
Hi Maki,
I have some writings started for you. I will finish and send on Thursday, 10/31.  Sounds like we had similar situations with our dogs being fearful and kept there in that state of mind. That could kill a pet.  It's a form of abuse.  I'll send you the rest later today, with some suggestions, and ideas of what to do.

~ Parker's Mom
Maki

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #11 
Dear Parker's Mom,

I opened my mail, and this is the first thing that came up. I think it's Sayuri telling me to get justice. I am still struggling to get through my days. The similarities with our dogs are incredible. I sent them a 12 page letter, I got a CD w x rays, and a short letter from hospital Manager basically just saying that Dr. Williams said if I had any questions to contact her. My letter had tons of questions and findings on the disease, conversations we had on the phone, her telling me it wouldn't be wrong for me to consider euthanasia bc it would be difficult to treat a dog like her at home. We had her for 11 years, the issue wasn't about how we would treat her condition at home, she said she would make her better. She killed her. Yes, please write. We may have some help, it's coming slow, but it's also bc I'm practically just unable to gather the emotional strength to get more done. Go to Joey's Legacy vetmal on FB group. They have vets and animal lawyers that can help. Please write me again.
Cannot_Function

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #12 
Hi Maki
I have some things I want to write to you. I haven't gotten a chance to do it yet on here, but I did write it. I will post it tomorrow. Thanks for being patient. - Parker's Mom
Maki

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #13 
I sometimes get started on something and takes me weeks to finish. I've tried to open an attachment I think it's from you, but it won't let me me open.

Be well. I'm going to have vet in Japan that I trust đź’Ż to review some records.
Be well. Glad you wrote.
Cannot_Function

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #14 
Maki, thank you for the Joey's Legacy information . They said they have professionals who can look over my state vet complaint.  Nothing will bring back my dog. I sit here tonight while my husband is work, and I'm cursing him. It's all coming back to me when he was driven to have this done and I protested. It went on deaf ears. He took him there. My dog did not drive himself. I didn't take him. I am trying to forgive, but I still can't.  I feel he set this in motion and none of it would have happened if he let it go and didn't want this. The stress is taking a toll on me. It's not just the loss, it's living with my husband with resentment. He doesn't show remorse, pain, or loss.  It's like he has no feelings. If he does, he keeps them locked away.  I can't forgive someone who doesn't show feelings. It keeps me grieving longer. If I had someone who grieved with me at first, the pain could have lessened and I may have forgiven. 

What’s going on with your husband?  Are you together? Is it tense because of what happened?  It’s stressful here since my husband was part of this.

I hear you Maki about the fear and panic in our dogs. Our vets were aware and did not have a protocol in place.  Many places have plans set up for frightened pets.   My Parker was a petrified dog. He was strong and bold at home, but he did not like being handled by strangers.  He suffered alone, too. That vet knew my dog was panic-stricken and petrified. I think they allowed him to be there in panic mode and something terrible happened, and I'm not getting the truth.  That’s animal abuse in my state of PA.  Check your vet law. It could be there, too.

I have spoken to a pet attorney. She gave me advice. In my state they don’t allow a lawyer in small claims court. I will file a court claim for all the charges and cremation. I also want to tell him off. He murdered my dog, maybe not deliberately, but with all the lies and broken laws, he did deliberately kill my dog. Have you reached out to a pet lawyer for advice?  How about going to small claims court?

What about filing a state vet complaint?  Most can be done online. I emailed mine. I was so glad it was accepted because I was told they don’t accept all of them. I hope they go after him to the extent of the law.  Write a state complaint. It may not be too late. You won’t get money, but they can discipline the vet if they find fault and/broken laws and it will be permanent record.  That may help save someone else’s pet. They just need to see if they’ve been disciplined and if so, that’s the worst thing to go against a vet, worse than losing in small claims because that is about money, not breaking the vet code and vet laws.

I wrote a 49-page state vet complaint – yes very detailed. I did a lot of homework and I had a lot of questions. I will not stop. I am starting a new state vet complaint for my other dog who was supposed to have his teeth cleaned two days later and it didn’t happen after they killed my dog, Parker.  But I have found out that they broke laws with him for that time and the time he had his teeth cleaned a year earlier. 

I am writing another state vet complaint for my third dog who had his teeth cleaned there about a year earlier. They broke laws with him as well.

These 2 other vet complaints are necessary. They are different dogs and they were at different times.  I want the state to see that there is a pattern of inconsistencies and lies and they broke the law on other occasions, so it was not an isolated incident with (killing) Parker. Maybe then they will look more thoroughly into other pet records and see the same patterns of lies, missing information, and broken laws.

You said you didn’t ask enough questions. That is not your fault. Let me tell you the law this vet broke for all my dogs. He never reviewed the “Informed Consent” which is when they tell you about the procedure and the risks and that’s when you could ask questions. You can’t ask questions when you don’t even know what to ask because they don’t tell you what they are going to do!

My dogs were going under anesthesia. I needed to know the details of their lab results. I needed to make an informed decision, but I was told it was “okay for dental” just as it was written in their charts, yet there were things on the reports that needed to be discussed.

This vet never reviewed either of my dogs’ lab work. There were flags on the reports. I was not told. They told me it was good. I trusted them. I never got a copy until after my dog passed and I was horrified to see there were things that would have made me hold off on the procedure. There is so much more, this would be pages long. He broke laws and kept information from me. That makes him responsible for my dog’s death and he is incompetent.

We both trusted these vets. We are at their mercy when we are there. We believe that they will tell us everything and not leave anything out.

What did Sayuri die from?  I know you said she was in an oxygen tank, but why?  How old was Sayuri? 

Keep me posted. You take care.

~ Parker’s Mom

 

 




Maki

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #15 
Sent you a direct reply. Let me know if you got it.
Sayuri allegedly died from re-aspiration. Everything surrounding her death is very strange. I have seen puppies weeks old pull through from advanced pneumonia. Sayuri didn't even have a fever. Why wasn't anything done when they said she had blood in her drool? They didn't check the cause of it, and never gave her anything to calm her down. Being that she was a scared, anxious, semiferal little dog, they didn't keep her calm. Her labored breathing was due to stress. Sayuri was barely 12 years old. Vet advised euthanasia for "a dog like her".

I should've held my ground and fought for her, so she wouldn't stay, vet was misleading. Hang in there. I'm not up to doing everything I should be doing to get justice for her. Just brings me down so much. I had a blanket made with her pictures, and some pixtiles, but I haven't put them up bc I start crying.

I plan to do more today since I didn't have to go to "work". Getting up at 4 am is taking alot out of me.

Sayuri was the calmest, sweetest, most obedient of the dogs I have. And she was the semiferal. That's what these vets didn't get. She was scared around so many people poking at her, and restraining her.
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