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Pet Loss Grief Support Message Board
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Posts: 3
I am 70 years old and recently moved to a senior apartment complex. I ended up having to surrender my cat Kiki, which broke my heart. I have learned through the SPCA's website that she has been adopted, and it even showed a picture of her with her new owner (who looked thrilled to have her). I'm so relieved that she's not still in a cage, waiting to find a home, but I can't get over the guilt of giving her up. I worry that she's wondering where I am and what she did that I gave her up. I lost my first cat to cancer, and I ended up getting Kiki. She took my mind off losing my previous cat, but I'm not in a position to do that this time around. It's been over a month, and I'm still crying daily. I even check the SPCA website, just to make sure she hasn't been returned. Does this awful feeling ever fade? Any help would be appreciated.

Posts: 44
I'm sorry this had to happen.  And take some solace in the knowledge that Kiki has a new home.  Are you active enough to perhaps volunteer at a local shelter?  Where you could help socialize cats/kittens to prepare them for adoption?

Pain is real.  Your sorrow at your loss is understandable.  Again, I'm sorry this happened.

Posts: 3
Thank you for your kind words. I was actually thinking about volunteering at the SPCA in hopes that I could give some love to animals who need it. I checked into it and our local SPCA has temporarily suspended volunteer applications. I'm looking into nearby areas to see if I can find another shelter. I know it will get easier with time, but it's nice to hear from someone who understands the pain. Thanks again!

Posts: 3
I am so sorry about having to surrender your Kiki. Would it be possible for you to visit her with her new owners? Volunteering sounds like a great idea for you. Kiki will definitely miss you, but you gave her the best opportunity you could and she has a wonderful guardian to look after her now. I am sure she only misses you but does not blame you.

If it makes you feel better, your story makes me think when I had to leave my baby Hobie with a babysitter overnight while I was out of state. He missed me but he was happy with his very kind nanny. I think if he thought he had done something to lose my affection, he wouldn't have been as happy as he was with his nanny. I don't think animals would think of it exactly the way a child would, even though they are very babylike. Kiki misses you but she does not feel betrayed. 

I am so sorry for your pain, though! Definitely volunteer, there are a lot of cats that can use your kind touch. 

Posts: 3
Thank you for your feedback. Unfortunately, the SPCA won't give out any information about the person who adopted your pet. They directed me to their website, where photos of recently adopted pets and their new owners are posted, which is how I saw the picture of Kiki and her new owner. I'm not so sure that visiting her would do much more than confuse her and prolong my grief. I think part of my grief comes from knowing that I adopted her because her original owner abandoned her when they moved to a new house. After me having to give her up, that must seem like a double whammy for her. Still, I'm choosing to believe that she will adjust to her new owner the way she did to me and she will have a happy life. I did manage to track down an animal shelter that is looking for volunteers, so I'm planning to go to their next meeting after the first of the year. Thank you again for providing some much needed support.

Posts: 6
I’m so sorry you had to surrender your sweet Kiki.

I’m heartbroken thinking of you checking to see if your girl had been returned, that sounds incredibly stressful to experience on top of already grieving. I know that this is an incredibly difficult & painful time while you mourn that loss. I wanted you to know that you’re in my thoughts. Please feel free to message me any time if you need someone to talk to. Whether you need to vent or even just talk about things you loved about Kiki, little things that made her special.

You’re not alone & the pain will slowly but surely lessen, little by little, even though right now it might feel unbearable. Hoping you find a bit of peace in knowing that she is safe & loved, though I know that doesn’t erase the pain you’re feeling from this separation.

You’re in my thoughts tonight, wishing you all the best xx
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