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Posts: 139
With the loss of my beloved Comet (golden retriever) almost 4 weeks ago, I couldn't think of getting another dog because I felt like I would be trying to replace her.  But now something has happened to make me reevaluate that.  I posted something a few days ago about thinking that my beloved Comet was with my cousin John (who passed almost 26 years ago) and received post from you lovely people that were very comforting and reassuring that my Comet was with John.  The other day, I got an email from Petfinders about a golden retriever at the local golden retriever rescue and it was about a golden retriever who was there, 4 years old and his name is Giovanni (John).  I sobbed while reading this email but in my heart I knew that Comet and Johnny were letting me know that they were together and that they wanted me to call the rescue about Giovanni.

Today, I called and faxed over an application and while talking to the woman on the phone she said that because I already have another male dog in the house she thought it would be better for me to take (if everything goes well with the application and home visit) a female dog who is about 4 years old and her name is Lilly.  I went on their website and looked at Lilly, she looks so much like my Comet that my heart sank and then I read that she is now a certified therapy dog.  I am so confused because I was sure that Johnny and Comet wanted me to have Giovanni in my life but when I saw Lilly, I just thought that maybe they just used Giovanni to get my attention and that Comet wants me to have a therapy dog to help heal my broken heart.  I just don't know what to think and I was wondering what you all might think.  I am now still in such a depression that I don't want to make a wrong decision and I know that you all know what I'm going through because you have all been there that maybe I can find some words of wisdom here.

Every time I come to this message board, I feel like I am writing "Hey God, it's me, Margaret"  and I am hoping that from this board and my feelings I will do the right thing.  Do I pick out a dog?  Do I go with Giovanni?  Do I go for Lilly? Or do I wait until time has passed and I heal some before and if ever I can have another dog?

Please let me know your thoughts on this because this board has been a God send to me through the last few weeks and I trust you all because I feel as though I know you all.  Sometimes I feel as though you are me.  I know my Comet sent me here so any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.



Posts: 3
Hi, Margaret.

Thanks for sharing your story and please stay strong.  Those dogs need you!

Have you met both dogs in person?  I always believed that dogs choose us, rather than the other way around.  If you have not met them in person, it might be something to consider doing and letting one of them choose you....

Posts: 774
Do you think you would have looked had it been a male dog posted? Or, would you have just passed it off as an "oh well". That said maybe it was an attention getter. who knows what happens for what reason. Surely we do not ever know, not here on earth.
What do you want? Do you want another dog? You have to do what you want. Not what anyone else wants. Not living or otherwise. This Golden sounds like a great dog and if you want a dog you should take her. If you liked the male better get him. Just make sure both he and your dog are neutered. You can have two male dogs live happily together provided they know that you are the head of the household and don't try to via for dominence. Of course that can happen with any sex combination. A dominence struggle. But that is only if you are not the head of house in their eyes. Make sense? So please if you do want a dog, get thedog you want or get both if you have the room. Or if you feel your not ready wait. Although, I don't think any of us are "ready" ever after looseing one so dear. Try to decide, do you want to live never knwing how it could have been with this dog in question? This is what you have to decide. No one can decide for you. If it was me I would want to met both dogs, one at a time, with my current dog and see wh clicked. Good luck, sorry I am not more help

Posts: 104

   I can't say if it's right or wrong to choose Lilly.I can only tell you about my experience and maybe it can help you to make a decision.Jingles, our Yorkie died Feb.9.He was almost 6 years old.I really loved him.He was my first dog I had as an adult.When he died I cried and cried and I still cry, but now I can think of the good times.I have read your posts about Comet and looking at her picture I can tell she was a beautiful dog and she was so loved by her family.My husband and I both suffer from depression and we couldn't stand the quiet in the house.So now we have Snowball, a maltese puppy.I really wanted another yorkie,but my husband said he wanted Jingles to be special.Every yorkie I see I need to make contact with and pet because it reminds me of Jingles.I still don't feel the bond I had with Jingles with Snowball,our Maltese puppy but I think I'm getting there.My point is once you are a dog owner you will always be one.Go and see Lilly and if it feels right then take her home.Only you will know.We will never forget our special furbaby and Lilly maybe special too.She has a lot of special qualities.Good Luck.   Jingles mom

Posts: 261

 Dear Margaret,

I read your post with great excitement and anticipation, for You! If this isn't divine intervention, then I don't know what is! I've followed your threads since you lost Comet, Margaret, and I feel very certain that Johnny and Comet are working together to guide you.......BUT what choice to make?  Perhaps you should meet these two "Kids" first and then make your decision.
I've heard a number of breeders say it's easier to pair a male and female than 2 males but that's not necessarily true. Maybe that's why the woman suggested Lilly instead of Giovanni. I know with Comets recent loss, you're feeling very apprehensive about another dog.  Please remember you're not replacing Comet you're paying forward all of that love that you had for her!  I believe that is one of the greatest tributes you can give your baby.  We don't stop loving because we lost them......we continue to love and love harder and stronger than ever!  Your Comet knows how much you love her, and I sincerely believe she is guiding you!  I think if it was me, I would spend some time with each of them...............your heart will tell you which one is your next "Heartdog" Margaret.  I'm not just replying, I've been there in your position. After I lost my first dog I waited 11 long yrs. before getting another one.  I did that because it was so painful to euthanize my Muffin.  She was 17 yrs. old. When I finally did get my Rudy 11 yrs. later, I only had him 2 yrs. and 7 months due to health issues. To make a long story short, I went out 3 days after losing him and got another baby.  I didn't replace Rudy, I could never do that.  And you won't replace Comet, they're NOT replaceable.  But we have great capacity to love, and there is always room for another to help heal our hearts!  Whomever you chose will be the right one for You, because Comet and Johnny will make sure of that.  There are no coincidences!  Your new baby will carve out a special niche in your heart that belongs only to him or her, just as Comet did, but it will never replace the love you have for her, that will always remain intact!  I will be praying for you, but I really don't think you need my prayers!  I think that Comet and Johnny have already taken care of the have only to meet them and decide! 
Good Luck and God Bless You.............."you're in good hands....or paws!!" 

Wishing you much love as you move forward to make your decision!



Posts: 23

It sounds like you have a lot of love to give a dog and I am glad you can find it in your heart to open it up again after the pain you have went through.

You had asked for advice and I would like to give you my perspective based on my own volunteering in the past with rescue groups.  I see that you contacted a breed rescue vs municipal or no kill shelter.  Breed rescues tend to be very selective to whom they adopt to.  This is often justified and understandable due to the large investment they have both time wise and financially in any given animal.

What concerns me is that the person you talked to is directing you to another dog simply based on the fact that you have the same sex dog in your home.  Two males can very easily get along and become fast friends.  I have seen this personally with dogs and also have 4 cats, (which are notorious for not getting along with their same species) and there are two males and two females, all fixed.  They all get along great, but I noticed the two females pair up with each to sleep/play more as do the males. 

So, that sort of debunks the blanket theory that animals of the same sex won't get along.  What also concerns me is that the person you talked to has come to this conclusion without meeting you, you meeting the dogs, nor the dogs meeting each other. 

You are at a VERY vulnernable time as I know I am just past the 5 week mark and my life is not the same.  I agree with others that you yourself need to decide once you meet them.

This is another reason I wanted to reply to your post.  I have seen breed rescues turn down many potentially wonderful homes due to other "blanket" criteria such as no children in the home, no singles, working full time,  having other pets in the home that may not be a good "match" etc.  I just want to prepare you for the worst, that if you meet several dogs and the one you fall in love with is another male and the breed rescue feels strongly that they won't get along (regardless of whether they do) you may get turned down.

Hopefully this is just a suggestion from her and she will work with what is best for you and your family.  Plus I agree with the other posters here, that it is more important what YOU decide.  Unfortunately, since they screen adopters, they will ultimately decide and I just wanted to prepare you as this may really add to your pain at this time.

You sound like a very caring person and any golden will be lucky to be with you.

Posts: 139
Thanks all for the positive feedback.  I guess in my grief I never considered letting the dog choose me.  I don't know why it didn't occur to me because afterall Comet chose us.  She was there with her other brothers and sisters all playing around having so much fun and my husband (now ex) went to see the puppies for our daughter.  Jaime wanted a little golden pup so bad so he decided to surprise her and me too.  Anyway, when he got there all the pups were playing and Comet left the group as soon as she saw him and ran right over to him to play.  He got down on the floor and she just jumped all over him licking him, he always said that she picked him and so he brought her home in a box and started our wonderful 15 year journey.  I had forgotten about all this until reading your replies.  The woman from the rescue comes here on Tuesday evening for the home visit and I guess after that I'll get to meet the dogs and go from there.  I know that Johnny and Comet have already picked out my next dog it's just my job now to find him/her.  I'm sure that they together will put that next dog in my path and make it impossible for me not to know it.

Borderbeagle - thanks for reminding me that the dog chooses us and as you can see I just forgot that but I knew this board and the wonderful people here would help me with this choice and I thank you for this memory of my beloved Comet.

Loudpurring - At this point, if I would have been sent an email about a male dog I probably would have said "Oh well" but the name of this dog is what caught my attention.  You are right that I must meet both of them and see how they both click with my wee boy.  Again, thanks for a memory that I seemed to have forgotten but now have again with my Comet.

Fab1835 - You are absolutely right, I am going with my gut after meeting both dogs.  One might be the dog I need in my life and that would be great.  If not, I am also ready to wait because I wasn't really planning on getting another dog this soon so I will leave it in John & Comet's hands/paws.  They know what I need to see and feel with my next dog and I know that whenever that is it will happen but I also feel very strongly that they are involved in this so meet these two I will.

Rileysmom - I agree that Johnny & Comet have already taken care of the outcome, now all I have to do is find it.  It might be one of these two dogs or maybe even another.  Somehow I feel they are directing me and I will just let it happen.  I was going to go back to the original place where I got Comet and see if they had any puppies this September but then this happened and I feel I must continue on the road started for me by John & Comet.  Thanks for your input your words are a great inspiration to me.

and Deb1 - thanks for the heads up about rescue people.  I believe that if it is meant to be then it will be.  Comet & Johnny are running things for me right now (I truly believe that) so if the rescue tells me no then I guess I am going in the wrong direction so I'll take some time and try something else in the future.  Your advise is most welcomed and I thank you for taking the time to share it with me.

Again, thanks to you all.

Posts: 820
I agree with the others.  Go and meet the dogs if you are ready for a new dog.  See which one chooses you.  The one John sounds like fate seeing as your friend was called John but Lilly sounds nice.  I believe our animals need to choose us and maybe you take John home and see if you get on with your other animal too.  They do that here, let you have the animal for a few days to see if compatible with other pets and you.  You will never forget Comet, he will always hold a special place in your heart.

Rupert and Minnie were cats I fostered nearly 16 years ago.  The idea was to get them a home but I couldn't part with them.  I bonded with Rupert almost instantly but his sister I never really bonded with.  Since Ruperts passing, her and I have become firm pals and she has helped heal my heart a little.  I have thought about getting another but I couldn't, for two reasons, Minnie would give it hell and I feel like I am replacing him/  But that's just my feeling.  Minnie is 15 and half so I guess I won't have her much longer.  Ruperts Mum  

Posts: 124
Dear Margaret,

I agree with all the posts about getting another dog. Getting another dog after a loss is a very personal decision-since you already have a dog, you must find one that gets along well with your present dog.
I lost my Golden Retriever to cancer and it was the worst grief I have ever felt. I was the caretaker for her for 8 months while I watched her slowly die of the disease.
I adopted a rescue Golden shortly after I lost my Golden. Then, a month later, I fostered a Golden and kept her, as well. They are truly the sweetest, most loving dogs that I could ever ask for. I think in some way, my Sadie sent both of those Goldens to me to help me heal from my loss. Sadie will always hold a very special place in my heart and my 2 new Goldens will never take her place. Adopting another dog will give you the satisfaction that you are giving a dog a loving home. What better memorial to your Golden than to adopt? I believe that if you have the desire to adopt a Golden, you should. I would take the dog you already have to make sure it gets along with the perspective dog. That can be a little tricky because the foster Golden may be a bit shy and wary at first. Good luck to you with your decision. I know you will make the right one.


Posts: 75
I just wanted to share my story... We lost our 15 1/2 yo doxie suddenly. He was in good shape, got sick and passed 4 days later. Our other dog was 16 and in failing health. So I was prepared for his passing, but not my doxie. I was devastated and thought I would never be able to feel happy again. I found myself drawn to doxie resuce sites... and after 2 weeks I decided to fill an online application. I didn't expect any thing to happen -- and was surprised that within a few days I was approved completely and had a local rescue lady coming to our house with photos of a doxie mix "we had to meet". He wasn't exactly what we would have chosen -- he was a mix and amost pure black. But -- we decided to go to her house and meet him. He was instalntly kissing us, playing ball with my daughter and seemed so sweet... we decided to take him home and see how it went. THe first few days for me were alittle rough - I felt like I had a strange dog in places where my little Nathan belonged. I wondered if it was too soon. But my daughter and husband instantly took to him. Fast forward 8 months - and we can't imagine our home without him! He is a dream dog - smart, playful and beautiful. Our new doggie, Leo, was a stray that no one claimed. My daughter and I think that Nathan had a hand in this... he sent us a pup that is 150% love.... It was meant to be. . So - see what happens... it's hard sometimes to know how things will work out -- especially when the pain is still raw... We put our 16 year old to sleep a few months later -- and have since adopted another rescue.... It's so true that you always love the ones you lost in a very deep way -- but to give that love back to another dog in need of a home is a beautiful thing.. I'll be thinking of you.. good luck with your meetings!

Posts: 555
Dear Margaret,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Comet.
I feel in my heart that she is with your cousin John and that the two of them were sending you a message that they are together and are very happy.
Let me tell you about my experience after I lost my Aurich who had been my guide dog for 11 years and 9 months.
He is also a golden retriever but a deep red golden.
When I went to the vet office to pick up his ashes there was a beautiful blond golden who ran to greet me at the door.
She wouldn't go back to her owner till I went over and sat beside them.
It felt so good to just hug a golden and I explained to the owner why I was there that day.
We were both in tears as I picked up Aurich's ashes and I had to hug this golden girl a few more times before I left the office.
When Aurich left me the director of the school had told me that I would have at least a six month wait for another golden and I chose to wait rather then take another breed.
I told my friend as we drove home from the vet's office that I felt Aurich was sending me a message that there would be a blond golden girl for me soon.
Well I got part of the message right.
As I sat in the rocker holding Aurich's urn that afternoon the phone rang.
The director of the school was calling to tell me that he had forgotten about a golden who had been donated to the school back in October and had not come up through the regular puppy raising program.
He had been certified two days before Christmas which was the day I had to make the decision to let Aurich run free.
When I arrived at the school only two weeks later to begin training with him I found that I was right.
He was a beautiful blond golden just like the one at the vets office.
The only difference was that he was of course a boy.
His name is Ollie and if I had made the decision to accept him after our first walk I wouldn't have taken him.
He is completely opposite of Aurich and that first walk was a disaster but I knew in my heart that Aurich had sent him to me.
After a lot of hard work on both our parts he has turned into a very good guide dog but most of all he is my special Ollie dog and my life now.
I think Aurich knew I needed this silly clown to make me smile.
Another perfect guide dog would have just been a sad reminder of how much I miss Aurich.
Ollie is by no means perfect but he's all mine and I love him with all my heart.
It's even more special knowing that he was paw picked for me by my beloved Aurich.




You can read about my boys on their web site at

There is one moment in everyones life that can never be repeated.
A moment that makes your heart stand still and takes your breath away.
When it happens you know it will never come again.
So you hold on to it and keep it locked inside your heart for all time.

For those who have the honor to know and love a golden one that moment will be more special then anyone can ever know.
The soft gentle eyes that look into yours.
The clouds of silken golden fur that comfort you as you embrace them.
The only thing in this world that makes you feel safe when the world turns against you is that golden one in your life

Then one day that golden one has to leave your side.
Your heart breaks as you hug him for the last time and you know it will never heal.
As he slips away from you and you feel his heart stop beating the tears well up in you eyes and your soul cries out, DON'T GO.
Stay with me one more day,please don't leave me.
In your heart you know the time has come.
You told yourself you both would know when it was time for him to run ahead.
Still the pain is to great and you sob uncontrollably.
Sobs that come from deep within your soul.

You go through the motions of the day trying to let go.
Trying to understand that your lost love is waiting just beyond the rainbow.
That you will see him one day and never be separated again.
As time passes the hurt never leaves you and you feel your life has no meaning.

Then one day your golden one sends you a sign.
You have only to listen with your heart to know it is real.
It is not so hard to do,after all he taught you how to do that.
Did he not live every day of his life listening to you with his heart.

The one he has sent you will come into your life.
He will not be the same, that could never be.
The calm gentle quiet one who thought of only you has sent you one to make you smile.
One of boundless energy and full of the joy of just living each day to the fullest.
He will teach you how to live again even when you do not feel you can go on.
He will show you the way when only darkness fills your life.

So never overlook the signs your love may send.
Never doubt that he will help you even when he has gone on to the bridge to wait.
For as in life he guarded you and kept you safe.
From Rainbow Bridge he watches over you each moment of the day and night.
Never will he leave your side nor will he look away.
You are always in his heart as he is in yours.

Time and space can never keep you apart.
He will keep you safe and fill your days with joy and your nights with peace of heart.
If only you look to him with your heart you will feel him near
Guiding your foot steps along life's path.

© Kathy Hayes aka AurichWolf aka Katie~~November 20 2005

I wish you joy and peace in finding just which of these dogs was meant for you and I know that Comet will guide you in that choice.
Love and Peace,


Posts: 1,234
Hello Margret, I am owned by three boyz, two dapple long hair doxies and a smoothie named Kuggel. Silver, Mozie and I lost our chocolate boy in early dec of last year. it was the hersh that sent us Kuggel. What a charater he is. In a few short minutets I am going to pick the boyz up as I ahd to make a bitter sweet trip to Ca last week. Good luck with your choice. Meriam

Posts: 139
Again I can only thank all of you for your kind words.  As I sit here thinking about my Comet and after reading that beautiful poem I know that she is with me and has already made a choice that will bring me some comfort because afterall that is what she did for me here.  Love and Comfort me.  The tears are just falling down my face but I think in some strange way they are tears of hope and love.  I know that no other dog will ever replace my Comet and probably never come close to that bond but I do believe that she is trying to help my heart heal and for the first time in 4 weeks I can think of some of the fun we had together and smile.

When she was a little younger, I taught her and my sister's dog the song "Who Let The Dogs Out" and I would dance around the kitchen singing "who let the dogs out" and they would bark woof, woof, wooof, woof then I would follow up with "A Doggie is nothing if she don"t have a bone" and again they would bark woof, woof, wooof, woof and sit down and wait for me to give them their milk bones.  I would give Comet the biggest milk bones that they made because she was a big dog and she would always run from the kitchen into the living room to eat her bone so I would call them her "Big Ass Run into the Living room Biscuits" and she would get so excited her tail would be wagging so hard that her whole body would sway back and forth.

Thank you all for helping me remember with a smile.

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