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mw0263

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Posts: 139
 #1 
I came home last night to find an invitation in the mail to my ex-inlaws anniversary party which my daughter and her dad (and his brother & sisters) have been planning since January.  My daughter first picked the date of July 5th because she knew it was our Comet's birthday.  Not knowing at the time that Comet would no longer be with us and that would just be such a horrible day for me.  I am dreading her birthday as the days get closer.  I know that I will be an emotional wreck on that day but also feel as though I must go.  I really don't know what to do but as time goes on I'm seem to be missing my Comet more.  It will be 3 weeks on Sunday (tomorrow) and I find myself whenever looking at the calendar/pictures or whatever my life has become before the day and after the day, when I had my Comet and now that I don't.  What she was here for and what she hasn't been here for.

I know deep down that Comet doesn't want me to sit here and cry but in the past when things have happened in my life that made me cry it was her that helped me through it.  She would snuggle up close to me and lick away my tears.  She did that for me on the day I had her PTS.  I was snuggling next to her to let her know that I will always love her and that she was by far the best dog anyone could have wanted and that she always made me happy and brought such a wonderful love to our home and the tears were streaming down my face and she picked up her head and like she always did, licked away my tears.  Oh how I miss that dog.

Anyway, I just sit here crying that my Comet's birthday is coming up soon and I don't know what I will be doing except I do know that I will still be missing her more than words could ever say.  My life feels so empty now, I would work my whole schedule around her.  Making sure that she ate at the same time every day, twice a day.  Giving her medicine and making sure that she felt loved.  Everyday I would set time aside for my girl and now I sit here by myself crying.  I have another dog and a cat that I must take care of and I do love them dearly but it just isn't the same.  That special bond was with my Comet and I do miss her so much.  I sit here in amazement when I think about how much love was there.  A dog, a simple dog, could bring that much love and help turn this house into a home where everyone who entered felt at home.  She would always bring gifts to anyone who entered our home.  It happened to be all her beat up chewed on toys but none the less it was her gift to the people that walked thru our door.  Even the pizza delivery guy loved to see her as she brought him her gifts.  Now all that is gone and the adjustment seems to be bigger than me.  I am finding it to difficult and wish there was someway it could be easier.

Some people have said to me that it's been 3 weeks you have to start moving on with your life but my reply to them is that Comet was in my life for almost 15 years and is a part of my family I just can't "get over" it.  It's like losing a member of my family.  I know what it's like to lose a member of my family and the feelings are different in one sense but the same at the same time.  I could always depend on my Comet to lift my spirits when I was upset or worried about something and now I must learn to do this by myself.

Thanks for letting me post and get this off my chest.  This site has been a God send to me and I thank you all for helping me through this difficult time in my life.

Margaret
mollyboltsmom

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Posts: 991
 #2 
Margaret,
You're having a hard day; 3 weeks is really no time at all. You need to take the time to grieve, for as long as it takes. Molly's been gone 8 months, and I had a meltdown last Sunday on her 8th month Bridge Day.
Yes, it is amazing how such a dog can wiggle her way into your heart. And your Comet is still right there, in your heart. She'll always be there with you; she'll never leave that special place there.
As to what to do about the party; I don't know. My husband would say go and make the best of it. It will provide distraction for you. I say, maybe. Hopefully others here can give you better advice on that.
Find a peaceful moment today as you reflect on your life with Comet.
Molly's Mom
mssavion

Registered:
Posts: 613
 #3 

Dear Margaret, I am so sorry for your loss of beautiful Comet....three weeks into the grieving process is a drop in the bucket.   I could hardly function at that point, and I surely did not want to socialize much.  Pamper yourself, and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, you will know when you are ready to return to your "normal" activities, so don't be rough on yourself. You will have good days, and bad days down the line, and we are here to help you through the latter.   I agree that this site is a lifeline for us, a way to express our deepest feelings, and be validated by those that truly understand.  I know the pain of losing a golden soulmate, it is the worst kind of pain, and you feel as if you have lost your heart and soul.   Write all of your memories down that you have of your little girl, that will help some, most importantly, know that you are NOT ALONE....we are here, and we care.   Hugs from Houston, MsSavion

WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #4 
Dear Margaret,

My heart goes out to you.  I don't know how anyone would have the audacity to tell you to move on with your life when it has only been three weeks since you lost your sweet Comet.   PEOPLE JUST DON'T GET IT.  I was at a conference on Postpartum Depression last week and someone told me, "I just don't know why people get so depressed when their dogs die. They are dogs, not humans."  I was shocked. 

As for the party, I would probably go.  But, I would also set aside some special time that day to honor Comet, as I know you will.  That way you won't feel you are somehow betraying Comet by going to the party.  Were your ex-in-laws close to Comet? 

Comet knows your heart and knows you are struggling.  If she could lick your tears away right now, you know she would.  I wish I could say something that would somehow lessen your pain.   I can tell you LOVE Comet with the whole of your heart.  I am lighting another internet candle for you and Comet today. 

Sending hugs,
Melissa
Betsy's forever loving mom
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #5 
Dear Margaret

There is no time limit on grief.  Even when we start coming to terms with our loss, I think the grief is still there inside.

You love your Comet, and she was obviously such a sensitive dog.  Even to the last, she licked away yout tears.  Sounds as though she was saying its ok now Mum, please dont cry.

I am so sorry, love Di xxx
Loudpurring

Registered:
Posts: 774
 #6 
Hi Margaret;
Do you want to go to the party? If you don't then don't. If you do then do. You are going through so much pain and lonliness, sometimes when your lonley like that it makes you more lonely to be around people. Or maybe that is just me.
 
You know  I had started a job many years ago and I had been there maybe a week. Well my Manager who I have got to know since and is very nice and all that stuff, anyway she invited me to the company christmass party. I explaied to her at that time it had only been one year since a boyfriend I had had for 8years had died. he died on Christmass day. So it was going to be the first christmass since and she kept hounding me about this stupid party. Well I didn't go. Wound up leaving that job only to return later  and staying when I could handle such things better. I was at the time angry. I felt that my feelings were not being respected etc. That was sith a person and for some reason you would think that people are just cruel when pet friends and companions die, no people are just rude in general. They don't mean to be they just don't understand how to empathise.
 
I'll tell you one thing though. I can speak of they guy. I still cannot speak of .............
So for me it was so much harder going through ....what I cannot speak of even now.
I
I guess my point here is that people are not being insensitive because it is your dog (or cat) peoples would be just as insensitive if it were a person.
 
I hope that made some sort of sense.
 
Allow yourself time and anything else you need to grieve. this is so hard I know and everyone on this site knows. We are all here for you. You are never alone.
Rosie

Registered:
Posts: 15
 #7 
I so understand the bond you had with Comet.
My Mickey has been gone 12 days and it is the worst pain I have ever felt.
I have never had another puppy before and I never knew how badly it would hurt to lose him.
Comet sounded like a really sweet dog. He loved you so much and although I know how badly you want to be with him again he is with you in spirit and you will always have him in your heart.
Keep thinking of all of the special times you had together. You had a bond with him that you may never have with another and although it hurts so much to not have him there with you it is such a special, special thing.
Comet was so, so lucky to have such a good Mommy to take care of him with her whole heart and soul.
As far as the party goes, do what your heart tells you to do.
Personally, I would probably not go but that is just me and I find the time I am alone grieving is very important to me.

I hope your Comet is bringing my little Mickey a toy and that they are together happily. They are waiting for us at the bridge and when they see us coming they will kiss us like they never kissed us before. There will be no more tears just happiness that will last forever.

mw0263

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #8 
Thank you all for your kind words.  Missing them is so hard and my family (ex(s) included) know my loss and have said nothing but kind words to me about my Comet.  I am going to take some time to think about if I'm ready to take on another party.  I went to my cousin's wedding 6 days after Comet left for the RB and I just sat and cried the whole time.  Maybe this time it will be different I really don't know yet.  One thing I do know is that my Comet is at the Bridge and on the "Welcoming Team" bringing your loved ones toys and making them feel like they have a friend to be with until their loved ones meet up with them again.

Comet lived here for a while with a Molly she was my sister's dog who couldn't move with them to an apartment so she stayed with us for 2 years so now I'm sure she is with her and also Molly, MsSavion's golden heart and soul, Mickey and of course Loudpurring's boy.  You have all given me a gift here and maybe soon I will be able to write that journal for my girl.

I know that we are all dealing with a terrible loss  but to be there for each other is a gift of love that we can share with each other.  Thanks again.

Margaret
JerryC

Registered:
Posts: 1,569
 #9 
We have all heard the saying "Time heals all", I believe whomever wrote it had not experienced what we here have gone through, the loss of a true companion and soul mate. I believe the grieving process is totally different during a pet loss. We are in some cases, more connected to them because of the affection they show towards us. Time may indeed heal but we all here have to deal with it on our own terms and in our own time restraints. Each of us will know in our hearts when we can start to heal, we will never forget their memories and the special times we shared and I believe those moments will start to over shadow the sad times. But there will be those times that sadness will return and we will have to deal with it when that time comes.
Wishing you the best and may your sad days soon start to fade away. I know Bennie as he looks down over you knows you will be together once again and the tears he licks away then; will only be your tears of joy! God Bless.
Jerry in Oklahoma.
Benniesmom

Registered:
Posts: 95
 #10 
And so I cry again. Your words just made me cry. The way your dear friend licked away your tears on her final day, how lonely it is without our babies in the house, the pain of just being sad everyday we are without them.

I just want to get to the point where I can smile when I think of my baby boy and the enormous  happiness he brought into my life.

rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #11 
To Margaret

Your loss is still new. You will take a long time to get over your loss.  I too had 15 wonderful years with my boy. My Rupert has been gone 20 weeks and last night I really wanted to cuddle him and feel his soft fur and hear his soft purr.  I cried myself to sleep because that will never happen again.  Some days are a little better and some are not.  If the party will make you sad don't go.  If they will empathise and be nice, maybe go.  Have time for  Comet early in the day e.g. a candlelight ceremony or similar and then party later for short while.   Don't do anything that will make you sad.  If you want to email I gave it on earlier post.  Ruperts Mum
Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #12 
Margaret, I know how you feel--I am coming up on 12 weeks and I am still a mess.  I have a nephew's wedding to go to the last of July and am truly dreading it.  All of last year I was trying to figure out how I could go to this wedding and still be home at night for my dog.  She had never spent but one night away from me and that was when she was spayed.  Anyway, I had it all figured out--people to come in and check on her two or three times then I was going to drive three hours from St. Louis after the wedding because I just didn't want her to be alone that long.  All of the planning and worrying I did and now this.

At three weeks I was pretty nonfunctional --all I did was come here. I am not a whole lot better now.  In some ways it is worse because the shock is gone  and now there is only cold reality.  I don't know what to tell you about the party but maybe you could go and leave early and maybe it wouldn't be as bad as  a wedding. The people involved sound like they are very understanding so try not to worry whatever decision you make.

I am very sorry for your loss of Comet.  The posts on this forum say it all--only place we have to go to really express our feelings.
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