Registered: 1285957261 Posts: 10
Hi everyone. Our sweet love, Paco, has only been gone 5 days now and I find myself wondering when is the right time to get another dog. My husband feels he is mentally ready for a new dog and I am not positive yet. Part of me feels that I am, and I'm not sure if the other part really isnt ready, or if I just dont want to say that I'm ready because I fear for others reactions. I cried yesterday when my husband mentioned it because I thought that family and friends of ours would feel that we didnt care enough about Paco because we are looking for a new dog so soon. I will NEVER, EVER be able to replace Paco....he was (and still is) one of the great lights in my life....but I look forward to the companionship of having a dog in our lives again. My son is only 1, and he loves dogs...and loved Paco...so very much. My husband and I have always felt it was important that he grow up with a dog and I'd like to get another one for him as well. I mentioned it to a few family members today, and they all said no we shouldnt get another one yet because it is too soon. I'm not quite sure what to think frankly. My heart does still miss Paco very much of course, but I dont think that will ever go away. I still have emotional moments, but again, I dont think that will ever go away either. I love Paco very much! We rescued him and the thought of rescueing another dog is exciting. Maybe I wont know how I really feel until I go to look at a puppy? Hmm...has anyone else faced this dilemma? I fear that my love for Paco will be questioned if I look at other dogs 'too soon'. I miss that feeling of coming home and seeing that wagging tail at the door. I know a new dog will never replace Paco, that is impossible!!!, but part of me feels it will also help with the grieving process. Ok, I will stop rambling now. Anyone have any advice? Please....
Registered: 1285010557 Posts: 26
I can relate to your feelings. We got 2 puppies 2 weeks after we lost our not yet 3 y.o. chihuhua. I had the same feelings of people judging me for getting more dogs too soon. I decided that it is only for my hubby & I to decide. I think the same goes for your family. You guys are the ones who are "stuck" at home without your little guy. I know first hand the huge hole losing our fur baby leaves. We have 2 other dogs and a cat and it was still unbearable. Sushi is the only one who liked to PLAY, and she was always up to something. She spent a good deal of time playing with me on my sofa, so after she was gone, and now... 3 weeks later, it is still painful to sit on my sofa where she layed on her last day home. (She had eaten a pistachio nut and it damaged her intestine.We had emergency surgery, but she wasn't able to make it to the morning after surgery.)
The pups have been good for my hubby, he feels much better. I am having a harder time. As cute and sweet as they are, I still have guilty feelings over how Sushi passed away. I miss her so much and wish I could have her back. I am still sad enough that I can be holding the sleeping pups and look at them & think "You're not supposed to be here, SUSHI is!!!" :o( I know this probably doesn't help you to decide, and maybe even not what you wanted to hear, but you really are the only ones who have the right to decide if it's too soon or not. Take care.
Registered: 1285988470 Posts: 15
My husband and I lost our Shelby just five days ago as well and I just received her ashes today. He is also brought up the fact that he would love another baby because our house just doesn't feel like a home without one. But, I totally understand what you are saying about your Paco and that no one could replace him. We don't have any kids, we have been trying for a few years now and it's been difficult so Shelby was my pet and my baby. Letting her go and quickly adopting another baby seems like it would be wrong and disrespectful to her but the grieving process might not hurt so much with another to love. I know Shelby would want me to love another because that was the kind of dog she was. I know my husband and I will take in another baby sooner than later because we have so much love to give but I am not ready quite yet. Just ask yourself what Paco would want, and it would probably be for you all to be happy, so if another baby will help you heal then by all means share your love, there are so many animals out there that need and deserve it. Prayers and thoughts to you and your family, I know exactly what you are going through.
Registered: 1274244361 Posts: 893
I never thought I would be ready so i just jumped in and did it 18 weeks and 3 days after losing Foster. I thought that was too early and I cried all day when we decided that we would bring someone else home. I got in bed the night we brought them home and cried too. But....I DO NOT feel like I am replacing Foster at all. I think that Foster helped me to get through so much in my life and then I didn't have a furry friend to help me get through the loss of Foster. So these guys are here because they need a home and because I was getting very depressed without my Foster. They are helping me to get through it by keeping me busy. I still miss Foster. A lot. I still get teary when I think of him and my new friends have been home just about 3 weeks. I still talk to Foster every day. I still cry for him. But it is just a bit easier with these two here.
let people say what they will...unless they are walking in your shoes to an empty house they don't know. At first I thought it would be wrong to have another in Foster's house. he didn't like other dogs staying here for too long. But I have helped these two homeless pets and saved two lives in Foster's honor. Only you guys can decide what is right. Paco would undertand.
Registered: 1279850525 Posts: 282
I think we are all of the same mind. Mine has been gone 2 months now and I thought about getting another one right away, because the house was so quiet (my senior dog and cat are catatonic most of the time!) but I was afraid people would think that Captain was easily "replacable". I was very afraid to be judged and for his memory to be harmed. We havent' gotten another yet and sometimes I'm happy about that, but sometimes I long for a hyper little guy to bark and skip all over like he did. Of course we all just want THEM back. I have to say honestly, that I'm glad we didn't get one immediately because I might have felt resentment for him/her and the new one might have reminded me of the darkness of our grieving period. But in the end there is no wrong decision. Anyone who questions you about your decision is just looking to criticize and find fault so dont' bother with them. Paco would never want you to be sad or lonely.
Registered: 1285957261 Posts: 10
Thank you all for your input! I dont feel as if I'm replacing Paco, because of course he isnt replaceable. I dont think Paco would mind at all if we got a new dog, I think he would be happy that another pup got saved. We have a lot of love to give and without Paco, there are no animals in the house now. My husband brought up getting another dog the day after Paco passed (dont get the wrong idea, he LOVED Paco very much and grieved a lot for him as well, but also felt that he wanted the companionship back of a dog) and at that time I felt like I would resent another dog, but now I dont believe I would. Hmmmm
Registered: 1285957261 Posts: 10
Thank you for your message and I'll be praying for you and your husband as well. I hope that you are blessed with a baby and a furbaby soon! Paco would also want us to spread the love as well, which is why I'm leaning towards getting a new dog. I just hate for others to ever question how much we love Paco. gnadac- Our Paco was only 2 1/2 years old when he passed and it was also a tragic accident. He was on his leash and started jumping excited when he saw the neighbors car coming. His collar broke and he jumped down after the car and got hit. The guilt and the "what-ifs" came right away...but I am doing better now and accepting the fact that it was just a freak accident and no one could have done anything to change it. Paco was just doing what he loved to do. Whenever I get sad I always remind myself that right now, Paco is up in Heaven playing happily with his tennis balls and running around without a care. I am sure that Sushi is doing the same thing...they might even be playing together!!
Registered: 1280313280 Posts: 596
You will know when the right time is. It will be love at first sight, no reservations, no hesitation. As for others judging you......they don't have to walk in your shoes, so they don't get a vote. Plain and simple. You do what you have to do for your sanity and happiness, and the rest of it be darned. Paco taught you how to love unconditionally, you do what you will with that love. And there is no dishonor to his memory by getting another dog to love.
Registered: 1279288501 Posts: 564
Rottiesrule said it better than I ever could! I now have two new rescue pups that I know I will grow to love dearly. They will never replace my Luke and Lil, but they will be family and they will be loved! "You will know when the right time is."
Registered: 1276206575 Posts: 628
Dear Kristin, I am so sorry for the loss of Paco. It know it hurts deeply. We lost our Beagle on June 9th of this year. We had her for 13 years. I truly thought I did not want/would not want another dog in our life after loosing Bonnie. I felt I would be disloyal to Bonnie's memory. And also I did not want to go through the horrible grief of loosing another pet. Then hubbie went into the hospital for a week. I was home every night, totally alone. I had no idea that Bonnie was such great company for me while hubbie is in the hospital. I went to lunch with a friend of mine during that week hubbie was in hospital. We were in a book store and I saw a calendar with Beagles on it. I started crying and told my friend that i must get another dog. That night, out of pure boredom I went on line to our local animal shelter. We are partial to Beagles, and can you believe they had a Beagle!!! Actually, she was in foster care and they had her on their site. long story short, we met the man that had her in Foster care that Sunday after church and it was love at first sight. When he drove up with her, I went up to her to greet her and she gave me a big sloppy kiss. That sealed the deal. We named her EmmyLou. Our other dog was Bonnie Lou and I wanted to keep the "Lou" as a middle name. Well, little miss EmmyLou has swept away the dark cloud that has been over our house. i do not feel disloyal to Bonnie(well, maybe a little), but I honestly think Bonnie played a part in my decision. No pet will ever replace our Bonnie. But we found out that we have enough love in our hearts to love again and again. I truly would not care what your friends and family say about you getting a dog(if you choose to do so). You are apparently grown adults and make your own decisions. Plus, they do not know what your feelings are about getting another dog. They probably do not understand the void your fur baby has left in your house. I do not regret, nor will I ever, getting EmmyLou. She is a rescue Beagle and I think she was abused in the past. This man that had her in Foster Care found her running the streets. He took pictures of her and posted them all over town; he lives in a small town and no one claimed her. We are treating her with extreme loving care and we keep telling her that she has found her forever happy home. She is very happy with us and that makes my heart feel so great. EmmyLou has healed our broken hearts. Whatever you decide to do, it is your decision. You know in your hearts what you want to do and you will know when the right time comes along. Clara
Registered: 1263081402 Posts: 541
Kristen, don't worry about what anyone else thinks. YOU are the one who has to live in a dogless house and missing your Paco so much. I know very well how painful and heartbreaking it is to walk in the house with no tail wagging or happy smile to greet you. The grief and emptiness is just overwhelming.
I found a puppy under my deck a week after Chico died and I just can't describe how overjoyed I was to care for this little guy. He filled a hole in my breaking heart and put a smile back on my face. He truly helped to lessen my grief at a time when I needed it so much. I still grieved for Chico, but the puppy filled a void and made me happy in the midst of my grieving. I still think Chico sent him to me to help me. I wasn't able to keep him, but for a couple of weeks he sure helped my heart. I don't think there is a time too soon to open your heart and home to another dog if you want to do that. It takes nothing away from Paco or how very much you love him. I think it a wonderful testament to our beloved furbabies to want and need another dog in our lives. We love them so much and they made our lives so happy that we just can't bear to live without the love of a pet. I think Paco and Chico would be honored that they had that impact on our lives. It took me 2 months to go to the shelter and find my Paco. But I am so glad I did and I wish I'd gone sooner (he'd been there 2 months waiting for me). It felt a little strange for a while to have a dog besides Chico, and I felt a little guilty for a while. But there is nothing like a dog to help heal your heart. And there are so very many sweet dogs out there that need loving homes. Bless you for considering adopting one. Let us know if and when you get a new furbaby.
Registered: 1262124440 Posts: 233
Kristen, as others have said, the opinions of other people matters not because they are not the ones walking in your shoes! Listen to your own heart and you will find your way. I started looking for another dog right after my Molly died and only waited six weeks because that's how long it took me to find the right one. I don't love Molly any less and haven't stopped missing her but, like you and many others, my home was just a house without a dog. Take your time, do your research and when it all falls into place...go for it! Paco will always be with you in your heart. Hugs, Anne
Registered: 1285957261 Posts: 10
Thank you all for your thoughts. It really has been very helpful. We are going to take a look at two different rescue puppies tomorrow. We shall see how it goes.
Registered: 1280017873 Posts: 18
Here is a picture of our sweet Bella....we adopted her a month after my boy Sandy died in his sleep....I too felt guilty bringing her home...but that ended so quickly...she is so sweet and loves her new forever home and new family.....I so feel Sandy guided me to her and he is very happy that we have filled a void in our hearts and our home....today would have been my boy Sandy's 16th birthday...I miss him so...but this cute young girl keeps us busy.....you will know when it's time.
Registered: 1277081065 Posts: 80
Wow, Kristin...your post and this whole thread has helped me alot as I am in similar situation. Bennie died 3 1/2 months ago and I can tell you I have really been depressed witout him. It seemed to be coinciding with my teenage son flapping his wings to lv the nest in a few yrs and my elderly mother not doing so well. It just seemed like everyone around me is lvg...one way or another. But b/c I was so sad over Bennie I haven't had the energy to think about another dog.....until recently. And then yesterday out I went as if possessed,,,,,looked at this tiny puppy......and now he is mine. It's crazy but I almost felt guilty even LOOKING at another dog altho it makes no sense b/c Bennie was so loving if he could control it he would want me to have another dog! Even my family dr told me in August after I told him how depressed I'd been over losing Bennie, "Don't deny yourself the love of another dog....."
Anyway, I am anxious to hear what you and your family decide and how it is for you if/when you bring home new doggies. BTW.....even when we plan out "timetables" life ususally works out differently and I don't think it's just coincidences! Bennie came into our lives just TWO days after our previous family dog had died and I was in NO WAY ready to love a new dog.....or so I thought. It took about 3 days.....but Bennie and I bonded so tightly....he HELPED me grieve over my other dog. So *maybe* my little guy now (Am calling him "Andy") is here to help me not stay too sad over Bennie. ?? Dogs are so perfect. They want nothing more than to love us... no questions asked.
Registered: 1285957261 Posts: 10
Love the picture! What a cutie!
Liz, I'm glad the thread helped you. I love how your story worked out, and it gives me hope that mine will work out the same. I am so excited for tomorrow but feel a little guilty as well. I agree with you though, my Paco would have wanted us to rescue another dog, just like we did for him. He wouldnt want us to be sad, I know that for sure! I will let everyone know how it works out tomorrow! We are talking about adopting one dog and fostering another as of right now. Kristin