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rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #1 
Dearest Sherry,

  You had withdrawn from me and stopped eating when you lost your best friend Daisy and had a new kitten thrust on you only a day later.  Your spirit was shattered and you already were beginning to die.  I was too busy worrying about other cats and this new kitten to see that you were suffering.  Then you bloated up to twice your size and ignored it and attributed it to gaining weight from stress.  You were eating more all of a sudden because your little body couldn't absorb protein and there I was taking your bowl away from you because I didn't want to deal with the fact that you might be sick and resented that your stress over Daisy and the kitten were causing you to eat more.  I was too busy taking care of two other cats that were ill with viruses and hospitalized and recovered so I denied what was going on with you until your poor little body couldn't take the neglect anymore and the condition became critical when the fluid caused you to drown and convulse until you died in front of me.  How could I have been so callous to take care of everyone else and deny that you were so ill so long.  You wouldn't have had to suffer in silence if you had been taking to the vet for an exam and your illness could have been relieved and your life extended as it was for my other cat with CFR that was diagnoed in time and has lived comfortably for 4 years and continues well because he was taken care of at the vets.   My neglect and denial killed you and this will haunt me all the days of my life.  A monster like me should pay for her sins against a sweet and loving darling as you who didn't deserve all the pain and neglect that was thrust upon her when she needed some care and attention and received the least of all the other cats who were taken to the vets immediately when I saw any symptoms of illness.  Was I simply in denial or was I just tired of dealing with death and illnesses and made you the victim because I just didn't want see that you were so ill.  I hope God can forgive me someday because I will not.

Rena (Sherry and Daisy's mom)
basil

Registered:
Posts: 1,205
 #2 
My Dear Rena,

You are not some horrible monster, you were still dealing with your grief.  Often we take out our sorrow on those we love best, I know I do.  Your Sherry has nothing to forgive you for, you were always a good and loving Mummy to her, she holds nothing but love for you in her heart.
Daisy and Sherry are together now, safe and well and happy, and they dont want to see you so upset and blaming yourself.
You are a kind and good person, otherwise you would not be suffering this pain.  If you had not cared, you would not be here.
I will think of you when I am away, and really hope that you will find peace in your heart.  It is not your fault my friend.  Much Love, Di xxx
WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #3 
Dear Rena,

YOU ARE A GREAT FURMOM!  So, sit quietly, relax, and listen to my story. 

About four years ago I went to Italy.  I had to board my minpin, Ralph, and Betsy while I was gone.  It was a lovely and caring kennel and doggie day care.  When I got back two weeks later, Ralph seemed fine.  A few days later, I noticed he would wince a little when I picked him up, but, since he had a little arthritis I thought it was his arthritis acting up.  Well, I just sort of let it go.  About eight days later, he was lying on my bed and I picked him up and there was a pool of brownish liquid on the bed.  I felt under his from leg and found a HUGE cyst.   I rushed him to the vet and they found a cyst that had gotten into his chest cavity.  The vet said he proably got a bug bite or a little penetrating injury at the kennel and the cyst slowly grew and got infected. The vet took me back and allowed me to put on gloves (I work in human medicine) and feel how deep the cavity was.  I was HORRIFIED and embarassed, and felt I had neglected him.  He had to have surgery, antibiotics, and hydrotherapy for a while.  He did recover, but I had so much guilt for quite some time.

The vet told me that animals suffer in silence, so it was not my fault.  Still, I felt horrible.  How could I let my baby develop an abscess that could have easily ended his life?  After all, he winced when I picked him up and I ignored that sign.  What a bad mother I was....and so on and so on.   Well, pretty soon I just realized that sometimes even the BEST furmoms miss things.   We love our babies, but we are not perfect.   I think this is exactly what happened to you.  I could have lost Ralphie like you lost Sherry, but it wasn't his time. 

So, please, try and let the guilt go.  It won't change anything and probably interferes with Sherry being able to communicate with you from the Bridge.   Call me a kook, but I really believe in the afterlife, and believe they are constantly around us.   She still loves you so, and wants you to be at peace.

Hope my story at least shows you how common this type of "oversight" can be, even with good moms.  I bet there are many more people on this sight who have similar stories.

Love and hugs,
Melissa
housecats4

Registered:
Posts: 648
 #4 

I understand what you are going through I too did neglect my Mick I know for months well one month anyway. He was trying to tell me he was losing weight .  Everytime I went into the bath room with him he would go and sit on the scales .  I would say what are you trying to tell me sweet boy are you getting fat. We would have our paper fight and he would go get on the scales.  About a month later I thought he looked like he was losing weight so I took him to be weight my poor baby had lost 2 lbs.  For a whole month I took this little guy to the vet 2 times a weeks and they still couldn`t fine why.  Finally after almost a month we fine our baby only 5 years has FIP. No hope ,no treatment ,no cure.How come 8 months later I still feel like I let him down so we all have to keep going and it is not easy.  We try not to blame ourselfs but we all have some things to feel guilty over.  If only they could talk and tell us what is wrong with them but that is not the way life is.. I feel for you and together we will be stronger for one another.  Bless you.  Micky `s mom Housecats4  Kath

EmptyNow

Registered:
Posts: 199
 #5 
Rena honey, you are breaking my heart. I know you are in pain because you feel guilty but you just didn't know. 

I am certain that Sherry knew you were in grief with the loss of your other baby - she knew that you loved her.  You would not purposely do anything to harm her. She knew this.  You simply did not know she was in pain. 

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your baby loves you and is watching you from the Rainbow Bridge hoping that you know she loves you just as much as you love her. 

Love,
Piggy's Mom


rena

Registered:
Posts: 174
 #6 
To:  basil
       WooWooWoo
       housecats4
       EmptyNow

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post when I was in so much pain.  I appreciate you sharing the stories of your own furbabies and situations that made you feel guilty at times also.  I took out Sherry's photos last weekend and when I saw that beautiful little face it really brought it home about what a wonderful, gorgeous and sweet little baby she was.  It also reminded me even more strongly that I'll never have a chance to make up for the horrible mistakes I made which caused her to die.

Love,
Rena (Sherry and Daisy's mom)

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