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ishobie

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Posts: 22
 #1 
as I have posted b4, remi passed on april 23, 2010, the same week I was dx'd with breast cancer. I have since had surgery and am in chemo treatments. Suddenly now I am in shock she is gone. I can not believe it.  I look at her pictures and I feel as if I am in a dream or nightmare I should say. She went from rolling around in the grass, smiling, eating ~~~to a ruptured tumor on her spleen, surgery and then gone from a blood clot 24 hrs. later. I have been to two pet psychics, and even a tarot card reader. Am I going crazy? I do believe in spirit and I do feel her around me at times.  I just can not shake this sadness and crying. I am okay at work, part time for now, when I get home and she isn't here, then I lose it. My other two dogs follow me around everywhere. They didn't before this and I know they can tell I am sick and also so sad.  Everyone says she is better off, why?  Who the h-ll says she is better off. She was 14, yes, but seemed pretty happy to me. I feel like she misses me and her little family and didn't want to leave.  Really I think I need a pet loss support group or something, because this is really overwhelming me. I just want her back, as crazy as that sounds. I know you all understand because I read all the posts here, so you guys won't judge me and think I am being dramatic. I went to a counselor through my oncologist's office and as soon as I sat down -I started crying, about Remi, the cancer, the chemo.... it actually felt good and she was very understanding.  One minute I think I have this under control and I see a picture of her and that is about all it takes.
 
Thanks for letting me ramble on..
Isabel
4 ever lost without Remi
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #2 
I am sorry you're having to endure so much pain in your life right now. I can understand completely how much you miss your sweet Remi and how unfair it is that she has left for the bridge. Losing a much loved pet is miserable. We try to make a deal with God to send our pets back, but it isn't meant to be. I hope Remi visits you in your dreams and lets you know that all is well.

Mare
precious Christoph ~ 2 years at the bridge ~
ishobie

Registered:
Posts: 22
 #3 
thanks mare. I guess I sounded a little "off" in that post, didn't get much response :) I know that in time I will feel better.  Unfortunately, I don't remember my dreams much lately cuz of the chemo.  At times I feel her so strongly here and I think its my grief, but more than likely it is her.
thanks again for caring.
Isabel
Garys_bff

Registered:
Posts: 12
 #4 
Don't worry ishobie you didn't sound off. It sound to me like your going through a lot. With time, it will get a little better. Remi is watching over you I'm sure, and she will always live on in your heart. 
KatLover

Registered:
Posts: 842
 #5 
Isabel, first I am so sorry for your loss and what you're going through.  Remember that it takes a little time for people to respond to your post--all posts have to be first OK'ed by a moderator, so there will always be a delay. 

So many of us have felt and feel the way you do.  You know, they are such a part of our lives, they give so much to us, of course we miss them.  What you're feeling is natural.  People who don't have pets, or don't become close to them can't understand very well.  If you can find a pet-loss support group, I would try that, I wish I had done that myself.  I am glad you are feeling Remi's spirit, that is a great sign.  If you can, please read the "Signs from our Pets" posts started by Moonlight, I think you may get some comfort from it.

And keep letting us know how you're doing.  So many of us have experienced exactly what you're experiencing.  I'm glad you have your other dogs there with you, and saying a little prayer that they help comfort and look after you.

Kathy

rottiesrule

Registered:
Posts: 596
 #6 

ishobie, please check with your local Hospice. Mine has a pet loss counselor, and I met with her for several weeks after Bubba died. We talked about alot of grief related things, and I found it to be very helpful. We don't have a pet loss group now, but the one on one was good for me. Bless you and bless Remi.

fostersmommy

Registered:
Posts: 893
 #7 
I know what you mean.  I think when pets are sick and then they die or we send them to heaven, they are in a better place since there are whole and cured. when they die and it was unexpected, then yeah- why is not home with you a better place??  I get it.
I am sorry you are having such a hard year.  You were very focused on getting chemo and taking care of yourself and now that things have settled a little (?) your mind is going back to her and allowing you to grieve now.
Joanast

Registered:
Posts: 37
 #8 

Isabel,please do not be too hard on yourself. A cancer diagnosis and the loss of a beloved pet in one week is horrible.  I also hope she visits you in your dreams. I am also a BC survivor. Chemo can really make you fuzzy, and the loss of Remi is just too much. I still cry over the loss of my Chloe (she was 13) and she has been at the Bridge for 39 weeks. Please take care and I hope you can feel better soon.  Joanne, Sweet Chloe's mom 

Berta

Registered:
Posts: 541
 #9 
Dear Isabel,

Your post is not off at all. You have had so very much to deal with! Having the BC diagnosis and dealing with that catastophe, and losing your sweet Remi and that too is just so very much to deal with. Your reaction at this point makes sense to me.

Your mind had to comprehend your cancer diagnosis and the surgery and treatments. That is overwhelming. Your heart and mind probably delayed the grief from losing Remi until you were strong enough to handle it. It is now coming at you full force. Don't worry. You are not going crazy. You are just now allowing yourself to grieve.

Of course she is still with you. Her spirit is there with you. I am agreeing with you that our pets are probably never ready to leave us. They would stay forever if they could. But if they are sick and suffering they should not have to stay. We just have to let them go. They deserve that from us. I dwell on this alot and feel like my Chico was happy as long as he could be beside me, but I know he was hurting. Even if he wanted to stay, he didn't deserve to suffer in order to stay.

I sincerely hope that you will find some peace. I hope you can find a support group or counselor who can help if you can't find comfort soon. I will keep you in my prayers. Just know that you are not losing it and all you are feeling is really normal and understandable. Especially under the circumstances and the health problems you have had. Take care, Isabel.
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