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Posts: 15
First of all, English is not my mother, excuse me if I cannot express myself properly... I'll try my best.

I came across this page a couple of weeks ago and spent a few hours reading the messages and the articles. It has helped me a lot to know that there are many more people out there that feel the same way I feel regarding their loving pets. It's fantastic to see that there are so many good people around. It actually reduces my pain a bit.

I lost my little chihuahua Mia over one month ago and I am still in shock. I adopted her three years ago. She was eight or nine at that time and  overweighted after having to go through ten pregnancies so her previous "owner" could earn money selling her babies. Two month after I adopted her, she had a kind of colapse. She was diagnosed with CHF and epilepsy and given several drugs. She had her last medical revision only ten days before she died and I was told that she could live for another two or three years. She couldn't run that much, but had a really good quality of life. One day, she did not want to walk anymore. I didn't think that was so serious because she ate like a horse and played with my other dog. A few hours later, she started to breathe very fast and I took her to emergencies (it was Sunday night). She was given some diuretics and I was told that she was a bit decompensated. I was advised to take her home, so she could relax and get rid of the excess of liquid in her little body. She seemed to improve for a couple of hours, but then she got worse very quickly. My little one had many problems to breath and I took her back to the vet. By the time that we reached the place she was unconcious. They placed her into an oxygen cage and half an hour later her heart stopped. I am feeling very guilty because I didn't realize that she was so bad. I cannot stop wandering what could have happened if I decide to stay at the vet's office the first time that I took her there. I know that her little heart was in bad shape and that, probably, the outcome could not be different but I wander if placing her in the oxygen cage earlier could have safe her life or give her some more time. I barely can sleep at night because of the guilt. Have someone else gone through a similar experience? I have no words to thank you enough for being there!! 

Posts: 121

I'm so sorry to hear about your baby heart goes out to you.  Your story sounds very similar to mine, and I too, have feelings of guilt.......  I just lost my cat Emma on 7-19-18 to congestive heart failure; she was 13 years old.  She had problems with her right eye for years and then within the last 6 months it had developed into a mass.  She was otherwise, a really healthy kitty.  I took her to a specialist and had her eye removed.  Turns out, it was Lymphoma (a type of cancer) however, prior testing showed no evidence of it anywhere else in her body.  After the surgery (Enucleation) she was doing very well.  On the 9th day, I noticed she was having difficulty breathing, so I called her eye surgeon.  He had me watch her, give her one of her pain meds, and see how she did.  He thought it may be surgical pain causing some anxiety.  She improved some, but then started open-mouth breathing a few hours later.  We rushed her to the emergency vet.  They put her in oxygen and started her on Lasix (diuretic.)  Lasix removes fluid from the lungs which helps them to breathe.   After some testing, they diagnosed her with congestive heart failure.  Congestive heart failure is not curable, only treatable with medications.  They also put her on 2 heart medications.  She stayed there for a day and a half, and then was doing very well, so we brought her home on Monday July 16th.  We were giving her 2 different meds twice a day, and the one med, one time a day.  Again, she was still doing great.  July 18th was a gorgeous day, so I let her outside.  She walked around and sunned for a while.  She would go to different areas of the yard, sit and rest, and listen to the birds.  It made me so happy to see her enjoying the outdoors again.  The following morning, July 19th, I gave her her morning medications she ate really well, and appeared to be fine.  I came home from work 7 hrs later to find her struggling to breathe in the hallway and she was crying....I was so scared.....  I quickly reacted, called her regular veterinarian and drove as fast as I could to get here there.  They rushed her into the back to try and help her, but as they were trying to save her, her little heart just gave up.  I'll never forget that moment when her doc came in the room and said "I"m so sorry, Emma didn't make it....."  I was devastated and I'm still devastated.

I hope that you know that you are not alone.  There are so many people here to support you and that feel an incredible bond with their fur babies.  This will be my third time here for grief support.  My cat Socks, and my cat Toby, also passed within the last few years.  My best advice is to let yourself grieve, and to let yourself grieve for as long as you need to. 

I know my Emma sure did leave a big paw print on my heart, and I will be forever grateful for our time together.  But for now, I'm hurting.....and I have an empty feeling inside.  The guilt I'm feeling is thinking that if I would have never put her through the eye surgery, that caused stress on her heart, she would still be with us right now......or if I would have stayed home that Monday, I could have gotten to her sooner.  It hurts my heart to think that she might have suffered before I got to her..... :(  

Consider the candlelight ceremony this evening, and on every Monday evening.  It's another way to help yourself and to pay tribute to your Mia.

Take care of yourself.

Nichole =^..^=


Posts: 15
Hi Nicole, 

Thanks for you kind words and advise. I am so sorry about your Emma. I understand you so well. I' m also haunted by the ifs... if I would have stayed at the vet's office, if I would have taken her there earlier the second time... I suppose it's part of the healing process. I had a chat with two different vets and they both assured me that it was nothing else I could do, but I am still feeling guilty. I guess I have just missed the main player in the game: Mother Nature. Probably, at one point I will be able to keep the good memories and think that, at least, I gave her three years of love and caring but right now I feel completely empty. I suppose that if we feel like this is because we loved our pets and it is really nice to know that they are so many people who can understand you. 

I will join the candle ceremony tonight, but I don't know if I will be able to do it most Mondays as I live in Spain and here will be 3:00 am by the time the ceremony starts. However, I read something about a ceremony on the second Sunday of each month. I will definitely join those ones. 

Thanks again for your support. My heart is with you. Take care, 


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