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SnoopsGirl

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Posts: 2
 #1 
I lost my Snoopy on Easter - he was my perfectly, imperfect boy.  I rescued Snoopy 6ish years ago - he had almost no hair and had a tick/flea infestation.  My husband and I helped him recover to a 23lbs schnoodle!  Snoopy was between 12-14 based on the information his prior owners had.  Snoopy came to me with minor issues including toy aggression, treat aggression, he would lightly snap if you touched an area he deemed private (i.e. his paws, moles, skin growths)..  He hated vets with a passion, proving to be a very difficult patient!  The last 3yrs were difficult for my boy, his dental a few years back was botched and he ended up with severe infections and needing to go back in to remove all of his teeth, about 1.5yrs ago he starting throwing up bile multiple times a day, eating grass to induce vomiting and after blood work, and ultrasounds we had no true diagnosis - this would come and go until his passing.  Six months ago he started to lose his balance and ended up showing stroke like symptoms, we identified an ear issue and worked to flush them with the vet bi-weekly..It was clear this caused hearing loss..  Over the last few years Snoopy started to lose interest in walking and we could only get him out a few times a week for very short walks, he started going to the bathroom in the house more frequently.  In the last month we noticed he would sleep a majority of the day (one day I had to force him out of bed at 1pm). Last week he started throwing up his meals or down right refusing them..  I bought him GI friendly wet food and at 2am Sunday am he threw up on  my floor and pooped on my bed (it appeared uncontrollable - he had never done that before).  I took him to our emergency vet and they thought he seemed ok and gave him a cerenia shot..  When he came home he ate and seemed ok, my husband mentioned he couldn't get up our stairs and I didn't think too much about it.  In the interim my other dog fell ill and ended up being admitted to the hospital..  Snoops came out after I called him for dinner and ate, we watched TV after dinner and he kept making puking motions but was unable to get anything up..  I did a few odds and end and noticed Snoopy on the couch and he had not moved..  I startled him and he let out a growl and I brought him outside, Snoopy appeared not to be able to walk and just stood there. When he tried to move he just dragged his paw against cement..  I brought him in andnput him on the couch, he laid down and looked pitiful.. I offered a treat and he would not take (he did take a small piece of turkey)... he just layed on the couch trembling - I tried to move him on the floor and the same thing he physically could not move.  I brought him back to the ER and did not allow more test and chose to peacefully let him go while I snuggled him.

I now have regret that I did not do more.  I was resolute at the time that he had suffered enough, he hated the vet, and I truly did not believe testing would reveal anything that would help him.  I was also stressed by my other dog being in the hospital for other reasons.  My guilt is overwhelming.  My husband is certain my decision was the right one:(
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #2 
Hi Snoopsgirl,

I signed up for an account just to be able to reply to you.

The first thing I want to say is 'No No No', Just from my heart that's what I want to say... No you shouldn't have made it go on for even longer. 

I lost my best buddy Tiger on Easter too. Same kind of situation. I have taken care of multiple health issues with him and on Sunday there seemed like nothing I could do to make him feel better.

I also had the choice of  more testing and a stay in the hospital for 17 year old Tiger who had been so off for three weeks, three visits to the vet, treatment at home and then worsening symptoms.

I have  been torturing myself for a week thinking about what I should have done and whether I made the right choice. Without a crystal ball I will never know how he might have reacted to more treatment but I too had to add up so much information and make a fairly quick decision when the emergency vet told me the options.

I could have left him in the hospital for tests and/or treatments- probably feeling sick, confused, and perhaps abandoned, to have him either die there alone and sick without me(worst outcome), spend days in there without me and still not get better(worse outcome), get slightly better return home still not feeling quite well but having the additional stress and probably still continue to go downhill.
 In his condition and age the chances that he would bounce back are probably very very low.

For the whole week I have been trying to find the way that I did something wrong or should have done something better. I don't think there was a better choice with the information I  had at he time.

All Tiger knew was that he felt gross - I promised him last week that if it got bad I would not let it go on for long. And it got bad. I promised him I would do right by him, I loved him so much, and prayed to God to help me do whatever I needed to do. 

And as much as my mind is tormenting me I think that is what happened.

I read your post and see you absolutely made the right choice in my mind. 

I give you a big virtual hug, together in our pain, which isn't gonna go away for a while. But hopefully we can see God's hand in our decision, the decision we made out of mercy. We did the best we could do. 

One thing I thought of yesterday was what if the roles were switched around, and it was my Tiger-love making that decision for me...out of love, if it were not the perfect decision I would want him not to feel bad even if he let me go a few weeks or months early. I would see that he tried his bestest to do the right thing. Which is all any of us could do.

Take care, he knows how much you loved him. You showed him everyday.


SnoopsGirl

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #3 
Thank you Candice.  I appreciate your words of support and sharing your story.  My mind knows I did right by him, my heart is gutted.  I wrote Snoopy a letter and I am certain I will add to it over the next few weeks - I know I will need to relinquish the guilt.  Like me, I know you did the right thing. 

I am so sorry for your loss:(
Elegia

Registered:
Posts: 5
 #4 
Your stories hit home... really hard. 

We lost our Yoli on Monday morning.  It was a struggle for her to breathe. We had taken her to the ER at the end of March.  She stayed there in oxygen for most of the next 4 days.  She saw multiple doctors and a cardiologist. They said that she had a mild heart murmur but the infection was in her lungs. We brought her home on Tuesday and she went to her vet the following Monday, she wasn't improving a lot, but she was better than when we took her to the ER. It was frustrating not to be able to go in with her because of Covid, but they know her and are good at what they do. They gave her an additional course of steroids to help with the infection, but by Easter night she was much much worse.  We took her back to the vet on Monday and her XRays showed that despite doing all of the right things to clear the infection, her lungs were now filled with fluid and infection. We could send her back to ER, but she was too sick the have full diagnostics done, to go under anesthesia, to have surgery, or anything else that (potentially) could have made her a little bit better for a little bit longer. 

I always said I would never ever have any animal put to sleep.  I never had to make that decision though.  The other dogs we lost left quickly on their own.  It was the worst pain I thought I could ever feel.  I still questioned whether I did everything I could... if I gave them the right food, if I took them to the vet as much as I should, if I should have given them/or not given them other vitamins and supplements. I still blamed myself. The truth is I loved all of them more than I love anyone else I know, and I did the best for them, always.  It sounds like you did too.

I don't know what I am going to do without Yoli, and my husband is distraught, she was his absolute best friend.  It pains me to see his grief and know that I can't fix it because I can't even fix my own. I do know deep down that we made the best decision for her.  I know that Snoopy and Tiger and Yoli and all of the others that sadly have left our field of view are better now.  They are not in pain, and they were not alone at the end.  They all know, and feel, how much we love them. 
Candice

Registered:
Posts: 28
 #5 
Hi Elegia, thanks for your sweet words and so sorry for the loss of Yoli. This is the first time I had to make the terrible choice and I hear you about the foods and vitamins...I went back over a decade with the what-ifs. 

I'm hoping that soon we can all have the lovely memories be the first thing that comes to our minds when we think of our little friends.

Take Care.
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