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Deepwoods

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Posts: 14
 #1 
My dear friends....I am so depressed and sad I feel like the whole world has stopped.  It seems that I am "stuck" in my grief, and I don't feel this is fair to my poor husband, who is also grieving our loss of dear Ridge.  But he seems to be able to find some interests which comfort him.  It worries me that my lack of progress in any way is causing him to distance himself from me, and I can't really say that I blame him. 

Does anyone have any words or suggestions that might help me have some interest in life and to help me stop non-stop sobbing?  I hope someone will answer me.

God's Peace,
Patty
DrewTenderHeartWolf

Registered:
Posts: 1,493
 #2 

Patty, I am so very sorry for your loss.  I am not sure how long it's been for you, but let me say that when I lost Drew, it took several weeks before I was able to function again and become anything near normal.  My husband grieved over her loss, but not like I did.  All I can say is take it one moment at a time.  Talk about it to anyone who will listen.  Know that your Pet Loss family is here for you and cares very much.  We truly understand the deep pain you feel in your heart right now.  While it may seem as if the pain will never go away, eventually it will subside and you will be able to talk about your baby and remember all the happy times you had together.  Remember that he carried your love with him and he now looks down on you from the Rainbow Bridge.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Many hugs to you.  Take care.

 

Your friend,

 

DrewTenderHeartWolf

 

http://www.catster.com/cats/311365

JerryC

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Posts: 1,569
 #3 
I am so sorry Patty, I know what you are going through as do so many more here. I wish I had the magic answer to help each one here to ease their pain and sorrow. We have to deal with our grief in our own way. I know that finding this site helped me deal with mine and coming back helps in my situation. As DrewTenderHeartWolf said; You have to take it one moment at a time as well as one day at a time. I once wrote here; who ever said "Time Heals All", had never experienced what we all here have, that loss of a special friend, companion and most of all a soul mate.  I hope and pray that each new day will bring you a step closer to finding peace and comfort from within. God Bless.---Jerry in Oklahoma.

WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #4 
Dear Patty,

I have read all your posts about your beloved Ridge and am so very, very sorry for your loss.   I cried when I read the way you described him dying in your husband's arms.   It just touched something in my heart.  You and your husband have been in my thoughts and prayers since.  To me, there is nothing more painful than losing a beloved and faithful companion of so many years.   The love that emanates from the heart of a dog is so pure, so unconditional, so perfect.   It is the closest we get as humans to glimpsing God's love for us in the flesh.   I truly believe this.  

If your husband is distancing himself from you it is likely because the intensity of your grief is bringing his own back to the surface.  My husband and I grieved so differently when we lost Easy, our German Shorthaired Pointer, in 2005.  He would not even let me mention his name, he was so bereft.  I thought he was being very cold, but he simply could not deal with the enormity of his loss.  It went on this way between us for many months, but finally we were able to talk and reminisce about our boy.  No two people grieve in the same manner.  And, grief is one process that can't be rushed.  It sets it's own time frame for you.  That your husband is able to find some activities that comfort him may make it seem you are "lagging" behind.   You are grieving very deeply and at your own pace.   Ridge was your child, your companion, your driving buddy.  How could your heart NOT still be so heavy and torn?  And, it has been only three weeks since you lost him.  Your loss is still so fresh and raw.   And, it hurts like hell.  There is no way around this.   Sob whenever you feel like it, talk about your precious boy to friends, and come post here and I promise we will listen to you and offer comfort.  Lean on us.  When I lost my precious little 16 year old terrier, Betsy, to dementia this past January, I began writing a journal about her.  That has also helped me.  I write about her...and to her. It helps me feel closer to her.  

I just want you to know I feel the intensity of your overwhelming sorrow and will be keeping you in my prayers.

God bless you and may radiant, loving angels surround you,
Melissa
Betsy's forever momma

rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #5 
To Patty

So sorry about your loss.  You have to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.  Grief is a slow process of anger and many other emotions.  You are at any early stage.  My grief started 23 weeks ago tomorrow.  Although I think I started grieving when he had a diagnosis of kidney disease before then.  

You feel numb for a while and can't believe this really happened.  My family and friends are over it but I cry when they are not around.  Yesterday I saw some photos of me cuddling Rupert 2 hours before he died and I broke down again.  I still do it every day and I cry myself to sleep and ask why him.  The last stage of grieving is acceptance and that is the hardest one. 

There is no one thing to help you.  I collected every photo   I could find and I enlarged some of them and I wrote a story of his life.  I talk about him all the time with my kids. I also talk to the enlarged photos  He loved to lay in my wooden daffodil troughs and so I will plant a memorial garden when the rain stops.    When I remember the last day of his life sadness washes over me all over again.  Ruperts Mum
Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #6 
I am deeply sorry for your loss of Ridge.  I completely understand the pain you have for him.  I can share concerns about your husband.  It has been 23 days since we lost our sweetheart Meister.  As with you and your husband we both had a great bond and love for him.

Everyone has their own time and way in dealing the the loss of their beloved pets.  I have not done much of anything but cry for Meister, talk to him and bring flowers to the garden for him every day.  My husband is working and back to his regular routines and thats hard for me to understand also but I do know the deep pain he feels about losing our sweet Meister.

I can't tell you when the time will come when you will remember Ridge and smile at all the happy time you had and the love you shared but I do know that it will come.  Ridge will always be in your heart and he wants you to be happy.

I found some peace in the Monday Candle Lighting Ceremony.
I wrote a letter to Meister and I read it to him every Monday.  We are getting together a garden with a stone and flowers for him also. 

Please write and share your feelings with us.  Without the great caring people I don't know what I would have done.

My prayers will go out to you your husband and your beautiful Ridge.

Many hugs,
Mary, Meisters Mom
Nancee

Registered:
Posts: 1,328
 #7 
When we lost Puffy, my husband was so upset (more than when his family members passed on). He couldn't be in the room when she was euthanized (which I totally understood) and after I could never discuss what happened at the vet's or with the appt. He would just say "No, I don't want to know." So, he prefers the less you see the better. I prefer it the other way.
However, he seemed to deal with the total situation quicker than me. I am a "late bloomer griever." It takes me months to let something sink in. I think cuz I'm an expert at repression!
I feel worse now than then about my little Puff ball. I miss her little ways and her cute face and everything about her. Yesterday, I was crying for her after 6 months.
I guess everybody moves through it in their own way.
mollyboltsmom

Registered:
Posts: 991
 #8 
Dear Patty,
As everyone else has said, we all grieve differently. My sweet husband had to pick up his life and go back to his work routine, but there are triggers for him. He can talk about Molly, reminisce about her life. But the other day, I was showing him the Rainbow Bridge photo that Carewolf did of her, and he broke down crying. This after almost nine months. I felt so bad about showing him that picture.
For myself, I too have many photos of Miss Moll. I've got them all in my Aperture program and I take time everyday to do a bit of editing work on them. Most of them were taken with a small digital camera, so there's a lot of color and light balancing to do. This gives me comfort.
I know that you are a photographer with many pictures of Ridge. This was the first thing I thought of when I read your post.
I hope you find some comfort in your memories of Ridge today.
Molly's Mom
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