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ewokangel

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #1 
I had to help my precious "Ewok" start his journey to the Rainbow Bridge last Tuesday 6/24/08.  He was 15 - a male yorkie/cocker and poodle mix.   He had been doing things for over two weeks that were trying to tell me it was time to let him go - so I finally did what I knew in my head was best for him - but my heart and soul are irreparably torn and ripped apart.  I have not stopped crying yet for more than a couple of hours at a time and I know the wound will be even more raw when I get his ashes this coming week.  I cannot sleep, barely eat, have not left the house but once in over two weeks (before last Tuesday refused to leave him - needed to stay with him), have not been out of pajamas most days. 
 
I got my little precious boy when he was three months old and now at age 62, I feel I cannot live my life without him.  I have never before in my life had a fur baby until him.  He got me through a lot family and friend's losses in 1998-1999.  He always seemed to be able to make me feel better with his kisses.  I especially miss his kisses in the mornings and, the moments each night we had beside his bed with goodnight kisses. 
 
Ewok also got me through the last two years of stress and grief with my husband's diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease (early stages).  I had hoped I would have Ewok to turn to for a while longer.  If my husband has a bad day, then I get stressed and that is when Ewok would be there with extra kisses and time on my lap - now he is not here and it makes me hurt even more.  My husband has a fur baby named Chewie, but I never really bonded with him like Ewok, although I do care for him.  I am trying to give him more attention right now  (but not able to do much through my tears which scares him) because we see the signs of his grieving for Ewok too. 
 
Will I every stop crying for Ewok??  Will my heart and soul every heal??

I will always miss and never forget my angel boy.  I love you Ewok and will see you some day soon.   

Sandy

 







rupertsmum

Registered:
Posts: 820
 #2 
Hi Sandy

Just saw you on chat room.  I know how you feel.  The crying wont stop and you are numb.  It is a feeling anyone here can relate to.  You are grieving and will start to come out of the fog soon.  Give it a little while longer.  I think sometimes we depend on these animals to be there for us through thick and thin and then they get called back.  I believe they come to show us love and compassion.  Right now you feel your heart has been ripped out.  My Rupert has been gone 24 weeks today and I still feel overwhelmingly sad.  You will always have your photos and memories.  To post a photo, go to edw instruction right above where this post is.  Ruperts Mum   
Becky57

Registered:
Posts: 657
 #3 

Sandy, I am so sorry.  My dog was my rock, also.  I am 58 and as life got harder, she was always there.  I didn't leave the house for a long time and three months later, I don't go anywhere I don't have to.  Lots of people will talk to you on here.  WooWooexplains it that because it is love so overpowering they give, the grief has to be that way, too.  I don't know, it is just tough and  again, I am so very sorry.

floridateacher

Registered:
Posts: 6
 #4 
Dear Sandy,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Ewok.  I just lost my childhood dog, 6/24/08.  I am twenty-two, and find myself crying about once a day about Mr. Shih Tzu.  He was also the one and only pet I have ever had.  Honestly, it will get better with time.  I feel a bit better everyday, but like you, often see things that trigger intense feelings of sadness.  My dog was also my anchor.  I did not get a chance to say goodbye, because he could not make the trip from Illinois to Florida with me.  The key for me, because I live alone, is to be out and about as much as possible.  I imagine your little Ewok would want you to do the same.   Over the last couple of days I have been pleasantly surprised how helpful and thoughtful my friends and family have been.  I am finally seeing that they understood how much my dog meant to me.  Try and contact loved ones and tell them how you are feeling.  I am sure your other dog is feeling as sad and lonely as you are at the moment, and you two should be there for each other.  Dogs share just as strong as a bond with each other as they do with their owners.  One should never feel that they are trapped and alone.  I am sure your beloved Ewok is watching over you.  Again, I am so sorry for your loss, but never forget you will be reunited one day!

"I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?"

Sir Walter Scott

Sincerely,

Michael


Mary

Registered:
Posts: 1,400
 #5 
Dear Sandy:
My heart goes out to you and Ewok.  I know the great love you have for each other and it's so devastating to lose them.
We give our beloved pets so much love and somehow they give more in return.  I understand the pain and emptiness.  Ewok will always be with you in your heart.  Talk to him every day and hold his pictures close to you.

I can't ease your pain.  If there was anyway I would.  Please know that we are all here for you every day.  Please share your feelings.  When the time is right please tell us more about your precious Ewok and maybe send pictures.

I lost my sweetheart Meister June 6, 2008.  All I can tell you is my when he left for Heaven I felt like my heart was ripped out.  I cry for him many times during the day and talk to him.
Please try to join the Candle lighting Ceremony on Mondays nights.  I wrote a letter to Meister and I read it to him on that night. 

There are so many of us that have shared your sadness and want to be there for you.

Hugs and Prayers to you and Kwok.

Mary
Meisters Mom 


sweetpepe

Registered:
Posts: 143
 #6 
(((((((((((((((((Sandy)))))))))))))))

I know there is nothing I can say to heal the grief in your heart.  I just want to let you know I am thinking of you.  I am so sorry to hear of your husband's illness.  Our pets really are such a comfort to us aren't they?

I am about the same age as you and my husband is also in poor health.  Not Alzheimer's but he has many health problems and spends a lot of time in bed.  My sweet little cockerpoo, Pepe was my little buddy and he and I would go for walks and I never felt lonely when I was with Pepe.  Now he is gone (we had him put to sleep May 7th) my life has changed so much and I miss him so much and feel lonely much of the time.  Yes, I have friends, but I no longer have that very special bond I had with my dear little Pepe.

My heart goes out to you and I want you to know you have friends here who will listen and understand.   Sharon
imissmyLou

Registered:
Posts: 23
 #7 

Sandy,

 

I feel your pain and I know it hurts.  Louie will be gone 1 month on Thursday and I miss him more now than I did when he first left.  Everyday is a challenge and there is about a million times I think about Lou.  Some are funny, laughing moments and some are heart wrenching, sobbing crying like a child for my best friend.  Take it min by min and know that he is around you and he loves you so much and misses you too.  He’ll send you little signs just look for them.  Remember he is in a better place and watches over you.  Take care and try to take it easy.

 

~d Louie’s Mom

Mommyva

Registered:
Posts: 39
 #8 
Sandy,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby.

I am struggling at this moment with the decision of whether or not to put my yellow lab, Sam, down.  He is 15 and has severe arthritis, and can't get up by himself, won't eat, etc.

This will be the first time in my life that I have had to make this horrible decision, and I'm not doing so well either.

I also have two little (human) children who are asking me endless questions about why he is sick, where he is going to go, will we ever see him again, etc. that I don't know how to answer. 

Your baby was so lucky to have you both, and you were lucky to have him.  I think we all grieve differently, and you need to do it in your own time and in your own way.  You will know when you are able to go out again and face the world, and I'm sure you will have good days and bad days, even years from now.

The comforting thing is knowing that you have a place like this where you can talk about your feelings whenever and however much you want, and that there is a universal understanding of what you are going through and no one judges you for it. 

I hope you find peace soon.  You will be in my thoughts.

Mommyva


WooWooWoo

Registered:
Posts: 5,100
 #9 

Dearest Sandy,

Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your beloved baby, Ewok.  Nothing in life prepares us for the loss of such a faithful and loving companion who loves us unconditionally, perfectly.  Their love for us is so pure and unlike any love we get from humans, so when they leave us, it feels as if our hearts are being torn from our bodies.   How can we live without them, we wonder?  The pain is so intense and unrelenting.

Sandy, your loss is so fresh and raw.  What you are feeling now is totally normal, but so unbearably painful.  I think sobbing is good for the soul...and the heart, and helps us heal.  When I lost my beloved little terrier, Betsy, to dementia and muscle wasting in January, I cried like I have never cried in my life.  I still cry and miss her more than mere words can convey, but I know she is no longer suffering, and that means so much to me.  I am suffering, but I can deal with that.  I just did not want her to suffer any more.  Judging by what you have written in your post, I think, in time, you, too, will come to feel this way.

Now, I want to share a story with you.  I have two other dogs, Ralph, a 16.8 year old minpin, and Gracie, a four year old Black Lab mix.  Gracie joined our family three years ago.  She came as a stray, but was one of the most beautiful dogs I had ever laid eyes on.   I did not bond with her right away, because I had two geriatric pups I loved more than life itself (I have no human children) and it seemed she was always playing a bit too roughly with them.   After I had to have Betsy put to sleep, I am ashamed to admit, Gracie's presence irritated me a bit.  Here she was, young and healthy, and my baby girl was dead.  Don't get me wrong.  I loved her, but she wasn't Betsy.

Well, one day, about two months after Betsy passed, I was missing her so much I had sunk, weeping uncontrollably, to the floor of my bathroom.  Gracie quietly entered the room, sat down directly in front of me, looked into my eyes, and gently began licking my tears away.  She then laid her head in my lap.  In one moment, I fell so deeply in love with that girl.  She has been my saving grace since. 

I am sharing my Gracie story with you because I think, in time, without rushing things, there is a chance that Chewie can help heal your heart.  Chewie will never replace Ewok, never.  But, Chewie and you have something in common.  You both loved (and STILL love) Ewok and are grieving his loss.  

I know how difficult it can be caring for someone with Alzheimer's Disease.  My beloved aunt is in the middle stage.  And, to lose your beloved Ewok when you need support the most, is just brutal.   My heart and many, many prayers go out to you, my friend.  

Please keep us posted on how things are going for you.   We will be here for you.  You can count on that. 

Sending hugs from the Hill Country of Texas,
Melissa
Betsy's and Easy's forever mom

ewokangel

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #10 
Thank you all for your wonderful and beautiful words of support.  Woo Woo, thank you for your story of Gracie which I shared with my husband.  I have only cried for about three hours today.  I had to go out as I have a bowling league that is finishing up this Thursday and unlike the last two Thursdays that I was not there, I have to be there to do the pay out.  I am not looking forward to it as everyone knows and will be asking how I am and saying they are sorry and I will combust into tears!!! 
 
I also stopped at the jewelers today, to have him start working on the heart pendent vessel which will hold a small amount of Ewok's ashes.  He is also having Ewok's face engraved on the front and his name on the back.  It was very very hard talking about it and making the arrangements, but I will then always have a part of him with me. 
 
I was also irritated with Chewie the first couple of days and hated that he was here and my beloved baby was gone.  On Tuesday after we got home from the vet and while I was on the floor weeping uncontrollably, Chewie came in and I felt his nose sniffing my leg.  I screamed at him to "go away" pushing out my leg towards him (to encourage him to go away not to touch or hurt him - which I did not).  My husband told me the next day that Chewie came to the bedroom door three more times and just and stared into the room but did not come in.  I felt so bad that I had screamed at him and held him a little bit last Wednesday until I started weeping again - which scares him.  
 
I have never ever cried this hard or from deep within my soul for any living being before now - even making myself sick (not intentionally).  However, I have lost 5 pounds since last Tuesday because I cannot eat much (I needed to lose some anyway but not this way). 
 
Chewie is grieving so much.  I am going to take him to Pet Smart tonight and buy him a new toy.  I think getting him out may help. 
 
Mommyva, it will probably be hardest thing you will ever ever do in your life.  But, like my Ewok it sounds like it is time to start Sam on his journey to the Rainbow Bridge.  I was so thankful that I was there holding Ewok to the end so we could feel our love for each.  It gave me the blessed chance to tell him goodbye. 
 
FloridaTeacher, I am sorry for your loss the same day as my Ewok.  The quote from Sir Walter Scott is beautiful and one I will copy and put on my refrigerator with Ewok's photo. 
 
I will also keep each of you in the my thoughts and prayers for your losses.
 
Sandy 
DrewTenderHeartWolf

Registered:
Posts: 1,493
 #11 

Sandy (I have a kitty named Sandy), I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Ewok.  Having to having a furbaby pts is the hardest decision we ever have to make as a furparent.  I have had to do it three times over the years I've been a furmom, and it never gets any easier.  While I have loved all of my furkids very much, letting Drew go was the hardest.  She was just shy of two when I lost her three years ago.  I guess it's a good thing I work at home because I barely ate or slept for over two weeks.  I made myself sick and never thought the pain would leave my heart.  It was during that time that I found Pet Loss.  What a tremendous source of love, comfort and support I found here.  I have had three other losses since the loss of Drew and each and every time, everyone has been here for me.

 

I hope you will continue to come to us for support.  We all know exactly how you feel and truly care.  Rest assured that in time, the pain in your heart will heal.  You will be able to speak about Ewok and share all the wonderful memories of him with everyone.  Remember that you gave him a final gift of love by allowing him to make his journey to the Bridge peacefully.  He loves you and thanks you for that.  Take care.

 

Your friend,

 

DrewTenderHeartWolf

 

http://www.catster.com/cats/311365

mw0263

Registered:
Posts: 139
 #12 
Dear Sandy,

First, I just want to say how very sorry I am that you must endure this pain.  Helping our beloved pets to the RB is just the hardest thing that we (I know I) have ever had to do.  We take on the pain that we know is on the other side when we realize that they are just in too much pain so we help them knowing that we are bringing it all on ourselves.

You have had the opportunity to have that special love with Ewok and I believe that Ewok knows you loved him so.  I know that the pain is so bad that it feels like your heart and soul have ripped from you and I know that for me, I thought of my Comet all the time and still do.  It was 5 weeks ago Sunday that I had to put her down because I had to, if there was anything else that could have been done I would have done it but unfortunately there was not.  I know for me the first week or so I was just numb to everything, all I did was sob.  But a sob like no other it came from that part of me, the only way to describe it is my very soul.  Everyone grieves differently but here is where you will find a way to grieve with people who care and the comfort they gave me (and still do) have no words to describe it.  This is a very supportive board and unfortunately we have all been there and know exactly what you are going through.

I know that somehow your beloved Ewok will still help you because I really believe that they don't leave us, they're our hearts so where ever we go they are right there.  Try talking to him and listen and feel with your heart and he will still be there.  The bond that you have with Ewok will never go away, it might change for a while but a love like that will continue on and as long as you keep your mind and heart open I know you will feel, see and dream about your Ewok.  You and Ewok were so lucky to have found each other, he gave you what you needed and you in turn gave him back that same unconditional love you both have a bond of love that will never be broken.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and much love is being sent your way.

Margaret 
Nuggetsmum

Registered:
Posts: 251
 #13 
Oh Sandy,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am crying as I write this. I could really feel the pain in your words and my heart is breaking for you....Your Ewok was your soulmate and to lose your soulmate and best friend is the hardest thing in the world.

He was your comfort, he would dry your tears and comfort you when you lost people and through the diagnosis of your poor husband's disease. He was your rock.

I am so sorry I just don't know what to say to comfort you. I lost my Nugget 6 months ago tomorrow and I still havent stopped crying..if anything I am getting worse....like your Ewok, Nugget was my first dog, my soulmate...he was there for me when my husband was deployed to war several times and through some very hard times.

I pray that in time you heart starts to heal and the days get easier....please just take each hour, each minute as it comes..

You have come to the right place. We ALL understand how you feel....we are all here for you.

I am so sorry this is incoherent and not so comforting....I just want you to know that I know how you feel and I am crying for you...I am here for you, we all are.

Lots of love Nuggetsmum Alana
carewolf

Registered:
Posts: 909
 #14 

I read this thread and my heart just broke for all of you. There are no words that will take away the

pain that you have felt and are feeling. I wish I could give each of you a hug and tell you a date that you will be fine again-that you will remember all the fun things that you did with your babies and smile. I don't think it is fair that we live one year to their seven. It is far too short. Being with others who understand the pain you are feeling

often helps to ease the pain. You will never walk

alone here for we will be by your side.

We know that one day we will be together again,

and that sometimes will help to ease a broken heart.

Wishing you Peace and Love,

CareWolf aka Carol

 

 

You’ll Never Walk Alone

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of a storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark


Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams
Be tossed and blown

Walk on..
Walk on..
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Walk on..
Walk on..
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

 

Music by Richard Rodgers

Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein

 
Dearest Mommy,
You will never walk alone
for I will always be beside you
just as I always was.
There is no other place
I would rather be.
I love you,
"Heart and Soul"
Kisses and Hugs,
Your Little Ewok
 

 

Love and Blessings,

CareWolf aka Carol

 

 

Gruntsmomforever

Registered:
Posts: 699
 #15 
Dear Sandy,

I am so very sorry you lost your darling little Ewok.  My heart aches for you.  I keep you, your husband and little Chewie in my prayers.

You are not alone.  I can't tell you when the tears will stop - mine have not and it's been over 4 months since my boy passed.  I will never be able to think about him without some tears, as I will always, always miss him.

With deepest sympathy and hugs, and I say a special prayer for your Beloved Ewok,

Katharine, Grunt's Mom Forever

Georgeann

Registered:
Posts: 2,245
 #16 
Dear Sandy:
I am so sorry about your loss of Precious Ewok.  Losing these Precious Angels just destroys your life.  I lost my Precious Angel Christopher over 15 months ago and I still cry for him every day.  I have cried an ocean of tears yet they still keep flowing.  Christopher and I had such a Special Bond and I feel as if I lost my Soul when I lost Christopher.  I know that the pain for you is overwhelming.  I have felt that horrible pain every day for over 15 months.  I wish I could tell you that the pain will go away soon but I have not found that to be true.  I know that our babies are together and safe at Rainbow Bridge.  I know that they will be waiting for us when we arrive.  I am sure all our babies will make sure Ewok is safe until you arrive.  May God's Angels watch over Ewok and protect him Forever. 

Sending Prayers and Big Hugs Your Way


Georgeann
Christopher's Mommy
Forever
ewokangel

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #17 

Thank you all again for you wonderful support, prayers and thoughts sent my way.  I still am having such a difficult time. 

 
Wednesday morning (you will probably think I am crazy) I was sobbing so hard people three houses from us could probably hear my heart and soul breaking apart.  Then I heard a sound that I knew but could not believe it was real and still am not sure if I was just crazy from the soul wrenching crying or really heard my Ewok shuffle his way into the bedroom (he could not walk well without shuffling the pads of his feet along the tile).  I hears the tags on his collar jiggling.  He came from the hall into the bedroom and stopped at the end of our bed.  I looked over my husband"s side of the bed (husband had left hours earlier for golf) and Chewie was sound asleep.  I heard the collar one more time and then it was all too silent again.  Am I crazy OR is this just my wishful thinking?? 
 
Tonight we went to our last bowling until Sept- I missed the two prior weeks of the league because I just could not do it - but had no choice tonight since I am secretary and had to pay the money out.  When we arrived home and opened the door into the house the area rug that was there was all twisted up like Ewok used to do when he was healthy because that is where he would lay and wait for me to come home.  He did that every time I left for over 14 years.  Chewie has never crumpled a rug to get comfortable (he is over 7 years old) - he just goes around in a circle and then lays down.   So, again I burst into tears and sat down on the rug.  I felt like I could smell Ewok.  How did the rug get messed up and who did it??? 
 
My girlfriend in Tucson called me today in tears and said she has never picked up a penny off the ground.  She had heard a saying years before that if you pick up a penny from the ground you will get a sign from someone.  Today she walked from work to her car and there right at her feet was a cruddy penny which she picked up and then saw Ewok in her mind's eye.  She said she cried most of the way home.  She will be up here this Saturday and I need to see her and have her near me as she understands because she lost her fur kittens five years ago and this site helped her so much. 
 
Carewolf, how blessed you have made me and Ewok feel with the tribute to him.  I don't think my Petloss family will ever let me walk alone and my heart is so thankful and feels the warmth of the support here.  I also know my little Ewok angel will always be close by me.  I will try hard to remember that I am not alone and that there is hope for my ailing heart and soul to heal. 
 
Again, my thanks to everyone for the support and caring you have shown me which I hope to give to someone else on this site when I can.  I send hugs and prayers to all that God will shine some light down on you and you will know and see the love that awaits us all when we reunite with our fur babies at the Rainbow Bridge, that beautiful place where our babies play but with a ever watchful eye for us to come find them. 

Sandy,
Ewok's Mommy Forever

 

CindyH

Registered:
Posts: 577
 #18 
Sandy,

What a beautiful precious baby.   I lost my maltese of 15 years last year and still come on here for support.   I will share with you that the beginning was so awful for me.   While you will still hurt and grieve in time, that awful deep pain you feel now will lessen just a bit and it won't hurt as bad.    I also read a few pet loss books in the beginning.   While I could not stop crying, they brought me peace to read and help me understand how real my pain was.   I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

Much peace to you during your difficult time.

Cindy
Merry's mom
ewokangel

Registered:
Posts: 10
 #19 
I got a telephone call this morning while I was suffering with a migraine which I know is because of my grief and heartache for my baby Ewok - the second day in a row with a migraine.  The person calling knew that on 6-24 I had Ewok PTS and also knew what he meant to me.  Her words this morning were "are you still sad" with a tone that really said and questioned "why are you still sad".  I told her I was beyond sad and then ended the telephone call and cried for what seemed like hours.  My migraine got worse and I had to take more medication. 

Having Ewok's ashes and the little shrine I have for him is some comfort but not the same as having my baby.  I, like so many others of you, want my baby back now!!   I don't want another today, tomorrow without him. 

Chewie, my husband's fur baby is not doing well at all, even after 17 days without Ewok.  My husband has given him a lot more attention.  I have tried to give him some, but it makes me more sad.  It also makes me because Chewie is here and Ewok is gone - then I feel sad and guilty for those feelings. 

I go to sleep each and every night (for the few hours I am able to sleep) hoping to see and hold my Ewok again.  A couple of times I have seen him in a haze in the distance and I cannot get to him.  Then morning comes and Ewok is not here and I know I have just been dreaming, wishing and desperately wanting my baby back, only to realize it will be another day without him.  Each day it gets harder for me to even get out of bed because to stay in bed and try to sleep when I am not crying is better than facing the day without him.

Ewok, you are mommy's precious angel boy, I miss you so much.  You will always be my little man, my little soulmate.

  
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