Registered: 1598450986 Posts: 1
9 days ago my world was turned upside down and my heart crushed into pieces. It's been the most horrific, painful, unreal and shocking week that now I know what hell on earth means. Not until today I could manage to even write a word about it,. It's still to raw and unreal to manage to write or talk about it, but.will try bit by bit.
Maybe I can somehow with my experience, be a small help for someone in a similar situation as me. 9 days ago o lost my true soulmate, only friend, child and emotional support. I never thought I was going to loose him at the age of 11,5 years, but that these couple of years ahead would be the new beginning that I have worked so hard to achieve. This was my first and only dog, that to me was my world, it feels so unreal an painful that there are no words that can describe how shattered I am inside. I.have lived to give him the most blessed life and adjusted everything after his needs and happiness, since he has been with me through so much, the bond that we share (still share and always will), became so strong, stronger than any bond I ever felt with a human, not even close. Due to several severe crises and betrayals, and depression the last years, I became isolated and couldnt cope with people, I focused on giving the only one that was always there for me, faithful, loving, not jugding, comforting and real, everything I possibly could to show how much he ment to me and how he carried me these years. My parents have always been there, and they know how strong our bond was, that to me, he was mmy soulmate and like my family, like my child and partner in life too. Fits like my reality was shattered, the most unreal feeling, that really scares me. We spent almost 24 hours a day together, everywhere I went he was always by my side. Its not strange then that the shock that totally knocked me to the ground, came instantly. Then the 1000 thoughts back and fourth trying to grasp that half of me is not here and beside me suddenly. The pain and kollaps came with full force the 5th day, when it started to sink in, the following days til now has been the most dark, terrifying experiences I ever been through and still is. If it were not for the anxiety pills, my parent that comes with something to eat, even though I can hardly man age to eat, and my spiritual faith, I would not be standing right now. I hope that if someone reads this, that are due to different reasons, alone in life, or already in a dark or difficult place and struggle, they will feel that there is someone that is going through the loss under similar circumstances. I try to read lots of griefrelated material on the internet, some help a bit, where a lot of ways thats suggested to help deal with the grief, is general. For example, to reach out and let friends support you, that is not the reality for someome (me either), that doesnt have a single friend due to different reasons. When your dog was that supportsystem, more or less, losing that plus everything else having to deal with is very hard. Same with isolation and lack of employment and so on, in my case I Studied from home for years, always put my dogs needs first and adjusted so he wouldnt have to be alone at home. I hope these words can if nothing else, resonate with someone that feels that they are alone in this world and trying to cope dealing with an overwhelming loss. I. Dont know yet how to manage, but I take 10 minutes at a time, then 10 minutes more and so on. Reading about griefing, force myself to think about the good, happy, loving moments and days, forgiving myself for the bad moments, knowing that I did my best to show unconditional love and care, and recieved it back through everything. I force myself to not think about the stress, bad days and sad moments, because that only hurts me even more and is pointless to punish yourself more. I feel like a drastic change of environment could help some, when able to stand a bit stronger, not escape the grief, but to be free from seeing everything around, no matter where you look, reminders of your life with your soulmate, moments and places. This is the hardest part för me. But I will fight to cope, to honor my Dino, even though I want to rather come with him, than live this life that scares me without him. But I could never to that to my parents, never, and my Dino would have wanted me to feel better, that and my faith gives the strenght to go on. So thankful for.finding this forum, it makes me feel not so alone in dealing with everything. Sending all of you a warm thought, and if I can stand, so can you, in your own way of coping.