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Posts: 219
Becky,  when a relative dies you have things that you have to do--people to contact, a funeral to plan, clothes, etc to choose, music, flowers etc and in my case I was executor of my mother's estate (since I'm the last one standing) and that involves a lot of work. When you lose your child there is nothing to do but wait for the ashes to be returned. I had already ordered the most beautiful cloisonne urn I could find, knowing it wouldn't be long. A few nights ago I ordered a silver heart to wear around my neck that will hold a few of her ashes. I thought maybe having her next to me all the time would help me get through this.

You're not alone. I didn't sleep at night for 10 days--despite sleeping pills, cymbalta, anti-anxiety pills and getting up at 3:30 AM and mixing myself a gin and tonic one night. I slept a few hours during the day. I couldn't sleep without her at the foot of the bed, after 13 1/2 years. I was used to listening for the slightest sound in my sleep and waking up to tend her, if needed. Finally we went away for the night and I fell asleep at 2 PM in the afternoon and didn't wake up until 10 AM the next morning, except to get up for the bathroom and to get myself something to drink. Now I can sleep, after a few nights of being away, but not without Ambien. I don't get much done either. The house is a wreck. I could care less about tending to the details of life except I do try my best to give attention to my other pets. My husband knows I'm sunk into a deep depression and he helps, but he misses Layla, too. This was my sweetness in life--my precious baby girl. She was the first thing I looked for when I walked up the steps, hoping to see her little face peering out, excited to see me.  I have pets--but there will never be another Layla.

Posts: 148
Another thing about it is that when a human dies you have people surrounding you all the time. This is kind of doing it on your own. That's why this website is so great. It helps the animal lovers through this painful time. When my dog Max (Saxon's daddy) ran away never to be seen again 8 years ago I started having panic attacks. After a while I blocked it all out. I won't let myself think about him anymore because if I do I lose it. That was EIGHT years ago and I can still become a wreck over it.

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