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marianne52

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Posts: 4
 #1 
Hi,
My 6yo Yorkie was diagnosed with a collapsed Trachea after a walk several months ago. She has been on meds since then. The Vet told me that she could live for year's with it. 
Over the weekend there were many fireworks in the neighborhood. My Yorkie, Mia was so afraid and kept barking all night Saturday night. I thought she was fine all day yesterday and then last night just collapsed. 
I tried everything, to keep her alive until we got her to the Vet (a half hour away)but she died in my arms. Our Vet was off due to the Holiday so I had to travel to get her to a Hospital. She was dead when we arrived there. 

I am so totally devestated and so upset with myself because I must have missed something.   She must have been sick and I didn't even notice. I am a Nurse and should have known. 

I have another Dog, a Shih Tzu who appears to be morning Mia's loss. He has not moved from my bed since last night and wouldn't eat this morning. 

I am so sad and can't stop crying. This is such a terrible loss. Thanks for listening. Marianne
Mondo

Moderator
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Posts: 994
 #2 
I am very sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you. This first period is so hard, for me it was a month of daily tears. And yes, I'm a man.

Our fur babies are so good at hiding pain. That is how they have evolved. Tuffy had stage 4 cancer, 17 pounds he was, he had a 6 inch tumor on his spleen, it has spread to his liver and likely other organs, he was extremely anemic, had severe arthritis in his hips and knees, and his liver enzymes were through the roof. The only sign really was that his appetite had gotten very picky, and he ate small meals, but more of them, and his bowel movements were not well formed. Other than that he walked and played and chased other animals at the fence, and cats on our walks ... he had a seizure and 5 days later we set him free. The vet said he was in pain, but he hardly showed any. Our fur babies have a high tolerance for pain, and also hide it.

I am very sorry for your loss. Please don't compound it with guilt. You were a great Mommie and Mia would agree.

Our shih tzu mourned for the first week especially, and was a bit clingier and unsure of things. He's doing better now, but is also 13 1/2 with health issues.

Our fur babies love us unconditionally and are a big part of our lives. Tuffy was the biggest loss of my life, including my parents.

I am glad you found this forum, it just might be your lifeline to sanity. There are a lot of caring and understanding people here. We all share your pain. It is horrible, and yet, it is worth it ..

Hugs.

Tuffy and Toby's Dad
Sherry333

Registered:
Posts: 24
 #3 
Oh Marianne I am so sorry for your great loss, Mia sounds like she was very special to you :'(  I wish I could say something to make it easier for you.  I lost my fur baby a week ago and it is so VERY hard.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, you are not alone, there are many great people here that give me comfort and strength.
marianne52

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #4 
Thank you so much for your kind words. I still can't believe Mia is gone. I just put a call in to the Vet. Just want to ask him why he told me she would last for year's with a collapsed trachea. I called him last week asking him to give Mia a script for Ativan to calm her down during the 4th of July fireworks. He said she would be fine with the Xanex he gave her. I told him I gave it to her before and it didn't work.

Anyway, I did give her Xanex and it didn't work. She died gasping for air. I believed she suffered, something I will never forget, 

My other Dog still isn't eating since Sunday. He witnessed Mia dying. Afraid he will die too. 
Looking today for a new Vet. Thanks again, Marianne
Mare

Registered:
Posts: 11,059
 #5 
I am very sorry your beloved Mia has passed on.  We always hope for a miracle and are so lost when they do move on.  I know how hard it is at first....so much heartache and many tears.  Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Mare-wolf
precious Christoph ~ gone six years now ~
marianne52

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #6 
Thank you for replying to my message. My other dog, Jake is still just laying in the same spot he was in as he watched me trying to help Mia. He has only eaten once since Sunday night. He is so withdrawn now. I called the Vet yesterday, he said my Dog could just give up and die too. Mia and Jake were so close and never seperated. They played together and slept together.
I am giving Jake extra TLC and staying with him every second. I am feeling so bad about Mia passing at the young age of 6. I can't imagine how Jake must be feeling. He doesn't understand, just knows his best friend is gone. Marianne
Fionasmum

Registered:
Posts: 730
 #7 
Oh Marianne I am so very sorry you've lost your beautiful little Yorkie, Mia.  I lost my little dog Fiona at a young age as well, to cancer.

There is just nowhere to hide from this devastation.  It's ugly, and it gets uglier if you add guilt into the mix or the idea that, somehow, you should have seen something or known something a trained Vet didn't see.  Right now, the last thing you can do for Mia is simply to grieve her.  She deserves your tears.  And you also need to focus on the living - on Jake - who is mourning the loss as you do.  But I know Jake won't give up - especially because you won't give up.  Mia existed to bring joy and light into your lives.  Her legacy cannot be one of darkness and fear.  But right now, there is the shock and pain of her sudden loss to find a way to manage and it's not easy, not even remotely.

This is so very hard Marianne.  The suddenness of the loss is a true shock to the system, and it changes the routine that all of you were so accustomed to.  Trying to find your footing is almost impossible because it feels like the lights went out on a life you recognized and controlled.  Death isn't something you can control, or change, or undo.  

Jake will have his own sadness but he'll also feel yours, responding to your emotions as dogs do.  There is no way to talk to him, alleviate his sorrow, or help him understand what's happened.  You don't really understand at this moment either, do you, because it's just too painful to believe.

I wish I could offer advice but I don't have any - just the knowledge that you'll never lose her again.  It's not enough, but it's true.  I also know that you and Jake still have Mia's love - it did not die with her - and you'll find the way to allow Mia to continue, inside you, where she belongs.  I am thinking of you - and of Jake - and wishing you peace.  It won't come today, but soon, I promise you with all my heart.   



 
marianne52

Registered:
Posts: 4
 #8 
Fionasmum,
It was so nice of you to take the time out of your day to write to me. I know in my heart everything you say is true. I just am having a hard time with it because I never thought she would die like that. 

Jake is a little better this morning. He has started to eat. He won't leave my side for a second. I am doing everything I can to ease his pain. 

I pick Mia's ashes up from the Vet on Friday. Praying I am able to get through that. 
Again, I want to thank you and everyone else on this site for helping me get through this sad time.

Sincerely,
Marianne
Mia & Jakes Mom
Julo8377

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #9 
My beautiful yorkie died on Friday may 11, 2018. It all happened so fast. She was diagnosed with diabetes in January. Late Tuesday night she started vomiting uncontrollably. Took her to the vet on Wednesday. He gave her fluids and meds and we brought her back home. Thursday morning she was panting heavily and her belly looked huge. I left her at the vet all day from 8 to 4 so they could run tests. It came back with a possible mass or tumor they said and said it was irreversible. But I didn't give up. Took her to the ER hospital and she stayed overnight. They said she was very sick with a fever and low blood pressure. I said do whatever you have to help her. They called me twice saying she was ok but pressure was not getting better. I went there Friday to check on her. Her eyes were open and I was able to put my hand through the oxygen crate to touch her. She looked so ill. Her belly looked even more extended and her breathing was not good. The vet and I stepped outside to talk about decisions. I started crying. He said she's not responding to the treatments and we could try her on other pressure meds but she was suffering. Whine we were talking a nurse came and got him. He came back with the worst news of my life. My little girl went into cardiac arrest and passed. A piece of me died too. I would never see her fluffy lovely happy face again. My mom was glad we didn't have to make that decision to euthanize. It's been so rough. My heart is broken. It happened all too fast. She was happy and healthy until Tuesday then chronic pancreatitis took over. I have another yorkie a boy who is 14 and doing pretty well for his age. This is my first dog I ever lost. Thank you for letting me share. Mama will always love you Fancy face.
Dawn1118

Registered:
Posts: 58
 #10 
OMG!  I'm so so sorry....I lost my 16 year old yorkie Mocha 10 days ago.  She was diagnosed with kidney disease and everything happened so fast.  Although I was blessed to have her for 16 years and she was considered an old lady there is nothing that can ease your grief.  I hope you all will let yourself cry and remember happy times.  I'm still too early in my grief to remember anything happy memories.  I feel guilty.  I will be seeing a pet loss grief counselor on Thurs........Maybe we can all help each other...Take care of yourselves...

Mocha's Mom
monica0107

Registered:
Posts: 9
 #11 
Marianne I am so so sorry for your loss😔. My Yorkie passed away last Thursday and I feel as part of me is gone, my heart is broken. I’ve never felt such grief before. It was also sudden and I blame myself and am angry that I did not see something sooner. Wishing I could just have had more time with him. I have two children and am having a really hard time controlling my grief, my husband doesn’t understand, actually no one really does expect those in this group. I was with teddy 24/7 and my daily routines are extremely hard without him being there by my side. He followed me everywhere. I keep looking for him.
Although I do have too many words of advice because I am in silk so much pain, please know we can get through this together and share our stories. We are not alone in our grief and I hope with time will be happy again.
Lynnsa

Registered:
Posts: 63
 #12 
I'm so sorry for you - this is exactly what happened to my boy last month - it rips your heart out xxx
Julo8377

Registered:
Posts: 2
 #13 
I am deeply sorry for all your losses. I have been following this dog medium on youtube I found. it kind of helps but some of it is idk very interesting for lack of a better word. her name is Brent Atwater. check her out and tell me what you think. 
Lynnsa

Registered:
Posts: 63
 #14 
Ok I'll behaving a look - thanks xxx
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